I HAAATE JEN LANCASTER

Why? cuz after a WHOLE year of NOT blogging I am back? why? cuz I read her book "Bitter is the New Black" and I finished it today, saturday, and I have been angry ALL DAY. why? cuz I finished it. Seriosuly i have now been in 2 whole fights, one of which was while I was teaching YOGA. I almost punched a guy in the face who was being a rude uptight yoga asshole! (please, don't act like there isn't one in almost every class)(he's the one with the 'muscle tee' and brings his own mat)(and rolls his eyes because he has decided that I am incompetent as a teacher and he knows MORE than I do because his way is the ONLY way to do yoga)(and the one hwo tells the teacher how to teach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)GAWD! It's like when the pre-models on ANTM try to tell TYRA what's what. And you just wanna slap them (Hi Jade!)

But I digress...Normally I can handle rude-yoga-guy-who-by-the-way-is-like-60yrsold-and-should-only-be-taking-class-at-silver-hill-senior-day-camp but as I said, I was already pissed. See, when I get into a book that I lOVE LOVE LOVE, when the people become my friends, and then it ends, it's like a breakup. And this was a bad one miss Jen LANcasTER and her amazingly funny and sweet fucking book that made me never want to read again because it was so good and now I'm ruining my saturday cuz I am in mourning. seriosuly I just got up from a nap cuz I was too depressed to go to a movie.And I wandered aimlessly in Border's b4 my class and I was even too restless to get my usual mocha (that habit has been alive and well this past year)(I got one later) but I looked at every new book and practically spit on the reviews on the back. "oh yah...this new author is 'witty and charming!' HA! RIGHT! DON'T THINK SO!" "oh this new book 'will make you laugh till you cry'...DOUBT IT!" I was even angry that my other favorite author (Laurie Notaro) didn't have a new book out yet (jesus f-ing christ! It's been since christmas Laurie! What do you DO All day????)

I can barely type...I'm still mad. My commentary is THIS....read up future great writers who are super funny and bitchy and love hostess products..."IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A CAREER IN WRITING YOU MUST PUBLISH 5 BOOKS AT ONCE AND THEN ANOTHER EVERY MONTH OR SO! (preferably every week, but I realize THAT may be a little crazy of me, and I'm not crazy)(for real, my shrink said I'm not, just my mom is)(he also said you're not crazy if you're AWARE that you're acting crazy...and I am ALL ABOUT AWARENESS) It's called COMMITMENT people. You wanna write? fine...but you gotta know your audience...and your audience needs MORE than ONE book. It's not fair! We had it so good...these last few days we were TOGETHER. Before I taught, after I taught, laughing over coffee. getting me through LA traffic. ( I know...I'm a multi-tasker...and the one you HATE on the road)and now...I feel empty. robbed. alone. when will I ever find a book like that again? when?