It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

BEST OF TIMES

Do you know, that even in our crashing economy where the Carl's Jr. SIX DOLLAR BURGER is actually $6, there are still little rays of cheap and/or free sunshine!? YES! THERE IS! And who better than moi to let you know about this stuff? That's right...NO ONE is better than moi! ***

Can u believe, that available online...literally right at your fingertips..are FREE origami how-to videos? Yah! You read that right! Learn how to do the cutest origami ever! ALL BY YOURSELF!
These could be YOURS soon...

MY FAVORITE...The hamster!


Seriously...Could you REALLY resist making this super cute elephant!?!?


UGH! How adorable is this bunny in his orange little suit!? You could probably make this by this afternoon!


And, you know, if you always wanted a grand piano? Well, NOW you can!! sorta.


They even have categories for "useful origami" which include coasters, toothpick holders (who doesn't need THAT?) and My MOST favorite useful item, the DOG BOX. I don't know WHAT you'd use it for? Are those eggs in there? Probably candy!


There really are too many to list. You could spend ALL day just looking at the cute designs. AND they are rated with stars as far as difficulty level. AND you can either watch an animated video or follow the diagram! Seriously...too easy. Just one more cuz I can't resist....The Polar/Brown bear buddies....

Seriously, if you aren't already on their website after this pic then you have a cold black little heart.


Wanna make SURE you sound super smarty pants and Know-it-all at your next party/dinner with the hubby? Ever found yourself minutes into a conversation with the hottest, smartest person you’ve ever met, (like, me) and she asks your opinion on the foreign policies of some two-bit senator from a fly-over state and you break out into a sweat and panic and start hammering out words like "unity" and "change?" NO MORE! Now you can just whip out your cell and send a text!
Try out CHACHA! It's FREE and gives you a personal answer to ANY question you type in...in seconds! Even knock-knock jokes! And if you're a yoga teacher like me, and you want to quote great spiritual leaders on the fly, put your students in a closed-eye meditation and sneak over and type in "dalai lama quote" That's just an example. I WOULD never do that! I'm just saying for those, less well versed than MOI!***

And then, a lot of you have been getting these from moi*** lately. Because they're SO funny it makes up for the fact that you were too lazy/forgot to send a card for whatever special occasion. And I HATE e-cards...but these are great. SOME of them have naughty words, but just ignore those...



And then, when you save all that money on stamps and B-day cards...you can get YOURSELF some of this.


These aren't thrifty, per se, but WORTH it! I mean, a picture says a thousand calories words!

You harboring some amazing talent but alas, it's gone unrecognized? (read:unemployed) (and under appreciated) Well, now you could at least trade your rice krispy making skills for say, a massage? win win! I haven't tried this site but it looks like it could be useful. If only I could trade some yoga expertise for a pair of Christian Louboutins? anyone? anyone?

If you're thinking I get PAID for this FREE advertising then you're WRONG! I wish! But if YOU want to pay me for these priceless resources in these trying times, you can "donate" cash to my paypal acct. Or just consider it my birthday present to you charitable contribution to the blog world! Because I? am NOT for sale!*

*unless you wanna pay me for stuff

***I have a new french roommate. I will be using my fancy knowledge of the french language from now on. yah. I don't just teach yoga. I am tres fancy.

au revoir! and you're welcome!

coffee talk

The cleaning lady came early so I had to get lost and now I'm just hanging out on the patio of my favorite coffee place. They also happen to have THE BEST chocolate chip cookies! I'm not eating one though! Gosh! I DO have some willpower. (is that one word or two? I am VERY unfamiliar with the term) I do however have one in my bag. As a treat! I worked out WAY hard. My arms are shaking as I type. So YAH! I deserve a little (even though it's kinda big) treat!

I had one of those nights last night where I was teaching a class FULL of total freaks. It's weird. They kinda group together in packs. Like the powers that be that make the world go 'round somehow shuffle them all together in one spot called MY CLASS. I feel like it's a personal affront. Like, it means something that I attract all these freaky people! My one friend said it's because I seem very accessible and friendly. She followed that with "....because if they ever really got to KNOW you they would see how WRONG THAT IS!!!!!!!!" then she threw her head back and laughed hysterically.

FREAK 1....it's appropriate that he is #1 because he was wearing a onesie. Yah. that's right.

A full grown man. he was wearing a yoga Mansie. HE was also wearing shorts. But when I went to adjust him as he was bending over I saw it. I thought his shirt was just tucked into his whities. Was hoping. So I full on stared and examined him. It was a onesie. HOT.

FREAK 2.....was an old woman wearing weird little black fingerless gloves AND toeless feet gloves. Do they call them gloves for feet? Toeless. gloves. AND she was wearing a weightlifter belt. One of those big brown ones with a giant buckle!? AND two huge square shaped dumbbells. And she would grab them in downdog and plank and if we were doing something like a lunge say, she would grab her dumbbells and be all doing reps. I don't even know what style of yoga she usually does, but it must be pretty damn serious.

FREAK 3&4....were old lady bff's. They were anywhere between 60-80. They both had CRAZY plastic surgery....boobs/lips/botox/facelift, BAD bleached blonde hair, FULL make-up with hot pink lipstick...AND were wearing little skimpy clothes. I assume they do yoga to "stay young." It's not working ladies. It's just not.

FREAK 5....isn't so much a freak as the smelliest human alive. I can't even go anywhere near his side of the room. seriously. makes my eyes water. you can see the smoky stench around him, his 'aura' if you will. like pigpen. only ALIVE and real.

FREAK 6...brought a "water bottle" to class. The Arrowhead GALLON bottle. Really dude? you gonna need all that for one class?

sigh. The things we do for fame & money. It's a high price my friends. A high price indeed.

Times They are a Changin'

I went to my friend's little girl's 4th birthday party this weekend. And she's one of my closest friends....been hangin' out since kindergarten. She went all out for this party. Actual kids were invited and everything! There was a taco cart and a bouncy house and a clown. This was the kind of crazy party we regularly make fun of. The "party favors" were better than the present I got for her.

I kept rolling my eyes and she kept going "I know, I know....I just couldn't help it!" Then I pointed to the floor, to the shiniest prettiest pinkest castle I ever saw. It had fringe. It had sparkly windows. It had Princess Minnie Mouse looking out the windows. And I was like "who gave her THAT? THAT is SOOO cute!"

She said "oh. That's the pinata."

WHAT?!?!? Pinata?? That's. That's. THAT'S A CASTLE! If I got that as a PRESENT I woulda played with it for YEARS. YEARS! PINATA! Hmph.

she said "oh, yah, well, that's ONE OF the pinatas....here. I'll show you the rest."

Then she showed me the other PinataS. Plural. Let's see. There were THREE.

she opened up the palm of her hand and swept it over the other "pinatas" in her kitchen.

"THIS one here is the pinata for adults (Corona beer bottle. My height) And this one is the Pinata for the younger kids (same pink sparkly Minnie mouse thing, just not full castle) (but still half my size) And the Castle one is for Isabella to hit."

Uh huh. I see. Sooooo, are they ALL filled with candy?

she said "uh huh!"

I picked up the corona bottle for the "adults" and could barely lift it.

WHAT is IN here? Candy? Diamonds? Bed Bath and beyond coupons? I mean, do they ALL have the same candy? Or do we adults get like good stuff. Like king sized snickers or what?

she laughed "you'll just have to wait and seeeeeee...."

And so like, is there something special in isabella's private pinata?

She said "no. Just the same candy. It's the one she can hit until it breaks. And then the other one is for the smaller kids to hit, after she has hit hers."

Okayyyyyyyeeeeee.

I couldn't wrap my head around any of this. It hurt my heart to think that the GIANT beautiful minnie mouse princess castle was about to be beat to a pulp. And to think....I was THRILLED to even GET a pinata. ONE. IF my mom was feeling rich that year. And MY birthday party pinata was a mexican DONKEY.



NOT a giant pretty castle!

When it came time for me to watch Isabella beat the crap outta minnie's castle my pulse began to race. It was VERY uncomfortable. wrong, even. You may as well have made me watch as you set fire to my manolo blahnik shoe collection.

I tried to find a pic of the castle pinata online to drive home the travesty of it all and I was opened up to a whole world of pinatas I had never known existed. SO, in case you're ever in need, there's this

GEORGE BUSH PINATA


or this made me laugh too. If I were Hilary I'd be a little annoyed at how fat they made my face....

THE HILLARY CLINTON PINATA

and my personal favorite....if only for the detail...

(Because you never know when you might need an osama bin laden pinata)

Who knew?

We've come a long way from the burrow my friend. A lonnnngggg way indeed.

ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT-PANCAKES? Them's fightin' words

It's friday night. So I'm OBVIOUSLY home on the couch. I thought of a new Resolution Substitution today...

RESOLUTION: DO MORE CARDIO
SUBSTITUTION: DO MORE CARB-IO

BAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. God, I'm good.

It's been a slow week for me. I think I'm just exhausted from all my workouts. I HATE working out. I realize I'm stating the obvious, who doesn't?? I'll tell you who doesn't. The crazy skinny girls who are at the gym every.single.day. WHY? If I were that skinny I would NEVER be at the gym. EVER. You can tell they're naturally skinny too. Tiny. Petite. Why waste your time?

I GUESS if you wanted to stay tone you could work out. But why the cardio? Everyday? I mean, mayyyyybbeeeee once a week. I get why you'd do yoga. Inner peace and all. But the treadmill? ick.

ALSO, working out is supposed to release some sort of something to make you in a good mood.

Not me. Actually it's been the complete opposite. I have been angry and resentful and bitter all week. And talk about mood swings! woooo-eeee. Ask the guy who on purpose accidentally erased my LOST premiere. I'm not even ashamed to say that I threw the remote across the room and screamed...yes SCREAMED in all caps at my friend that he did it on purpose because he was a lazy selfish asshole who never considered other people and when he said to me I was overreacting because it was "just a tv show" all condescending like, I exploded. I told him he ruined my whole week. And then stormed into my room. But not before telling him he was never EVER allowed to even touch the remote again.

I told him the next day I was sorry and he understood. I told him I didn't mean any of it. (except the never touching the remote part) Nice guy I guess. It's still a little touchy. If ABC didn't show the premiere on line, he would have lost a limb. And it's still annoying to have to watch a 2 hour show on line. But anyway. all is forgiven. mostly.

AND to add to my torture there's an ihop on the way home from the gym. And it's on a corner. And I ALWAYS hit that red light. And there is a HUGE poster right now advertising ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT-PANCAKES. I always die a little inside when the light turns green and I drive away. One of these days I am sure I will be desperate enough to turn in. The ONLY thing that stops me is what kind of loser eats at ihop all-you-can-eat-pancakes by themselves? Geez, have some standards man. It's not like you can get them to-go either. Believe me, I've weighed in all my options.

It's really no wonder I'm so on edge. Can you really blame me? no.

Murderous RAGE

SOMEONE INTERRUPTED 37 MINUTES ON MY TIVO OF THE SEASON PREMIER OF LOST LAST NIGHT.

SOMEONE INTERRUPTED 37 MINUTES ON MY TIVO OF THE SEASON PREMIER OF LOST LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm not gonna say who, because if I name names then the CSI agents will confiscate my computer when they begin their 'heinous crimes' investigation.

Why I don't ski...

In the spirit of this blog I just had to post this story because I not only read it a few times but could NOT stop laughing at the pictures. laughing and laughing. It's NOT that I ENJOY other people's pain and humiliation....

yes I do.

Click here to make your Wednesday all better. But before you do, read my lament here: WHY OH WHY are there NEVER any photographers in my yoga room when I need them?!?! WHY?!

DIARY OF AN INAUGURATION

TUESDAY JAN 20 7:15AM
Started nasty gym workout. with weights. why we have to exercise? exercise is sucky. Not going to be type to always talk about gym torture. Will have rice krispie treats when get home. mmmmm....rice krispie treats.

8:15AM
done with weights and abs. read in A-list diet book that cardio expected. 20-45 mins. will do 20. includes stairs to get to cardio equipment. so will do 15 on machine.

8:20AM
see? did take 5 mins up elevator stairs to get there. Headphones on. Hannah Montana on.
uh-oh.
inauguration also on. Thought was on at noon? oh yah. am in california. am trying to be better citizen. voted and everything. planned to watch inauguration at home on nice fluffy couch with rice krispie treats made night before for special event! not planned to watch on exercise machine. But his girls so cute in super cute coats! inspire me so can have super cute coat as treat for working out so hard. plug headphones into machine so can hear.

8:25AM
guy gets on next to me. hot. this not so bad.

8:40AM
realize Obama not coming on until 9. only 8:45. If leave now, will not be home in time. if stay on machine, will die by 9. wondering if will be on repeat later? why not tivo'd? WHY?????
can do this. can totally do this. is historical event. must not miss.

8:50AM
announcer says running 10 mins late. Am crying. announcer says aretha franklin to sing and blah blah warren to preach. AHHHH. Know will be winded. Aretha sing so slowwwwwwwww and add verses. slooowwwwww verses. Preacher surprisingly quick for preacher. guy next to me jumps off and does many push-ups and jumps back on. NOT hot. annoying.

9:00AM
FInally swear in Vice Pres. Announcer announce yo yo ma. yo yo ma not so good on headphones. not easy on ears if u ask me. Stop working on machine because need break. Just want to stand here and watch. as soon as stopped, volume stops. EVIL! PURE EVIL! Guy next to me still jumping down to do pushups. HATE. HATRED.

9:10AM
Finally (FINALLY!) swear in obama. would get tears in eyes except all sweated out. was quick swearing in! yay! time to get off.

9:10 and 30 seconds AM
Obama to give speech. knew it. was just hoping not. how long? never watched inauguration. don't know. question how important speech is. very. must be able to understand when people talk about at parties so not feel stupid. pray for Obama to keep it quick. Gym trainers gather round to watch too. Push-up guy watching to. but then jumps off AGAIN for push-ups. have some RESPECT guy! geez! some people!

9:16AM
Speech good but can hardly hear because joints screaming. Been almost hour! Body not prepared for this.

9:20AM
Been whole hour. Obama still talking, but heard enough to join in at parties. must get off. must go home. or will implode into joints.

9:25AM
ahhhhhhh. car seat good. Turn on car. Obama speech comes on radio. could have listened to on radio whole time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:05AM
home. couch. rice krispie treats. can eat many since worked out so much. double, even.
stupid inauguration IS on repeat.
can't walk or move legs.
can say I watch news now.
did part as citizen. did MORE than part of citizen! can go back to acting superior to everyone b/c sacrificed so much for country. Can now say stuff like "YOU DIDN'T SEE THE INAUGURATION?" while frowning in pity and piety. was worth it.

Underachievers Anonymous

Well. It's January 19th. And I think this is THE perfect time to discuss your New Year's Resolutions.

"huh?"

"what?"

Yah. Remember those? TWO WHOLE WEEKS ago you wanted to add some new stuff to your life, give up some habits, lose some weight perhaps?

And then, now, they're probably long forgotten. You're reading this with a cigarette in one hand and a chocodile in the other. And you've given up. "ah well, stupid resolutions!" you say. All is not lost little bunny. All is not lost.

SO I am here to propose the NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION SUBSTITUTION

You simply just substitute a lesser form of the goal you had set! Like, lets say yours was "I am gonna go on a diet!" (real original by the way) SO instead of a diet your resolution substitution would be "go on a diet...for a day!" get the picture?

here are some other common ones...

RESOLUTION: Be Nicer to people
SUBSTITUTION: Be nicer to self. YOU are people too!

RESOLUTION: WATCH LESS TV
SUBSTITUTION: WATCH LESS NEWS

RESOLUTION: Exercise more
SUBSTITUTION: Exercise peace. as in massages and pedicures.

RESOLUTION: SPEND LESS MONEY
SUBSTITUTION: SHOP ONLY SALES AND/OR TARGET. ANYthing at target is fair. Target discount store.

RESOLUTION: Read more books.
SUBSTITUTION: BUY more books.

RESOLUTION: BE MORE ORGANIZED. LESS CLUTTER IN LIFE
SUBSTITUTION: BUY MORE CONTAINERS AT CONTAINER STORE AND/OR IKEA

RESOLUTION: Be on computer less. Get outside more
SUBSTITUTION: Get Wireless device. Blog on porch.

There you go! No failure. Just SUBSTITUTE! Now, tell me YOUR resolution substitution! And start dropping those words in conversation. Lets see if it catches on. You will be WAY hip and cool with your new phrase. SOOOOO city.

OP-ED piece. RETRACTION.

Regrettably, in order to preserve the honesty, integrity and purity of this blog, I, the editor must print a retraction. This weblog in no way intents to harm, judge, make fun of,ridicule, mock,criticize well, harm or otherwise alienate ANY members of my friends or family. (strangers are fair game though)

In lieu of that testimonial of Yogabitch's Mission Statement, I retract and correct the following statement...

"My little brother is getting married in April, and lets be honest here. he's my favorite sibling...."

It SHOULD have read...

"My little brother is getting married and I am HIS favorite sibling..."

And in all fairness, truly, verily, I am everyone's favorite sibling. This should come as no shock to my readers, friends, countrymen. It's just a simple fact of nature. Were you to do an anonymous interview, where their faces were blocked out and their voices were all robotic like, it would all be the same. I'm the favorite.

I'll give you the short list as to why this is.

1. I give THE BEST presents.
2. I am well traveled and worldly and speak french mostly
3. WAYYYYY smarter than everyone (no offense to my family, but that's not saying a WHOLE lot)
4. By far the coolest. I practically invented platform heels and owned the first ipod in the family. mini. pink.
5. I lived AND survived the mean streets of NY.
6. Am OBVIOUSLY the funniest
7. Have fraternized and laid hands on Hollywood's Hottest
8. Know everything about everything
9. Have had shady past paving the way for the younger ones to underachieve
10. Am totally awesome because I say words like awesome.

And THAT? is the short list.

It's not easy having to live up to these standards day in and day out, but that's what LOVE is. And I? am ALL about love and caring.

bless.
namaste.
don't hate.

bye bye spaghettios. We've had a good run. I'll see ya next week!

Last week I decided to start working out. I also decided to go off my anti-depressant.

So it's no wonder why I went completely mental this morning and found myself in a spin class.

at 6:30.

AM.

Here's the thing. My little brother is getting married in April, and lets be honest here. he's my favorite sibling. (no offense anyone else, but a spade is a spade) So I need to REPRESENT! (whoop whoop) And his betrothed is also my favorite (again, no offense) SO I don't wanna show up looking like this


SO my friend and I decided to do the A-list workout! of course!! when in hollywood....


And yes, I am gonna have a HOT hollywood body! (hopefully more britney and less danny devito) (I'll even take "fat" brit)

I was gonna hire a trainer...AGAIN....but I had TWO trainers last year. TWO. And it didn't take. And I coulda bought LOTS of DVF dresses AND gone on a trip around the world for what that cost me. The A-list plan was only $19.95. So, we'll see. I'll keep you posted.

Even though I've been working out for a whole week, I've been slow to start the ole diet. And yes, DIET. Not "changing my way of eating for life." just diet. Short term. massive starving. Think, tic-tacs and lettuce. Because? I don't wanna eat healthy for life! yuck! Give up eggs benedict? Substitute green tea for coffee with half 'n half? eat fish and vegetables forever? I don't THINK so!

I decided today is THE LAST day for eating junkfood. sigh. So, this is what I'll eat today...

...and McDonalds. (thanks kristina. thanks.)

Oh, and as far as going off Lexapro like I did? bad idea. I started crying and crying at EVERYthing. Even the commercials for Marley and Me. I got back on that drug horse yesterday. Can you imagine me on a diet AND off drugs?? HA! Hannibal wouldn't have nothin' on me!

cutest thing EVER

The apple don't fall far from the Polish tree!

My dad sent me this. I found myself thinking "Where does he GET this stuff?" and then I realized that's what people say to me. It's strange to think of my dad sitting on his couch all day long hunting for stupid stuff on the internet, just like me. I used to be terrified of turning out like my mother, I went to 2 years of therapy to get those traits outta me. How many years will this take?

DOUBLE CLICK TO READ


I know this doesn't really count as a post, and I promise I will get back to regular stuff, but I am trying to clean all the clutter in my house. I seem to feel that it is VERY important to keep paycheck stubs from 5 yrs ago. And that's just the beginning.

uh, what?

Anyone else find the wording of this, ummmmm, a little untoward, if you will.

WHAT UP 2009? YogaBitch fans REPRESENT!

That's my new 2009 hood talk. This is the year I go street.

I am finally coming out of my holiday slumber. I ate the last Toblerone bar yesterday. The Holidays are officially over. NOW it's time for a tropical break!! get away from all this 72 degree CHILL. brrrrr. So instead of cleaning up the piles of stuff that has accumulated in my room like I was supposed to all weekend I found myself trolling Orbitz for tickets to hawaii. sigh. (btw....they're REALLY cheap...wanna come?)

I figure I have a lot of catching up to do here, so I'll give you the TV guide version of my holidays.

drove to utah with the dogs. Mick saw his first snow.



then he'd come home and curl up on his couch by the fire....


....with his teddy. Mick loves his bears!




Snow for one week was AWESOME. I kept saying over and over how pretty it was. Especially in public places. LOUDLY. Eevn my nephew wanted to kill me after day 3. I think his words were "yah auntie kristie, it snows EVERYDAY. big deal." (eye roll included)


Then we went snowboarding/sledding....and by WE I mean NOT ME. I didn't want to ruin my Uggs.


How cute is my niece? She was all decked out and adorable and bored. We are SO much alike.



Then there was Christmas. Unlike any Christmas I ever had. I mean, we got presents and stuff when we were kids, but THIS is different. OBVIOUSLY I didn't help clean up anything, they're not MY kids.





even the dogs were exhausted by it all.


I was gonna post all these earlier, but SOMEONE doesn't have wireless in their home. Which is why, I'm sure, we all got into a huge fight by friday. Pent up tension on my part. "completely wrong" on their part, (I may be temperamental but I'm always RIGHT) ah, family!

Other highlights...
Met some AWESOME stalkers ladies who are obsessed with read my blog! HA! I read theirs obsessively too. I'll be honest.

Had some WAY fun time with my old college buddies, including game night and great dinner. Sadly, no rice krispie treats. But it was still fun. I never laugh as hard as I do with these guys.

SUCH an awesome holiday. Family aside, I don't think I yelled at ANYONE!!! It's gonna be a good year. Resolutions, schmezolutions! I resolve to be as perfect as I was last year!! Only richer!!! WOOHOOOOOOOO

$200 haircut...the aftermath

Remember my super cute haircut?


yyyyyyaaahhhhhh...I knew it would be a problem as soon as the hair salon styling wore off.

see the similarities?





















































And THIS is what will happen when I get married and reproduce.

it's beginning to look a lot like frenzy...

I know I know. I'm not dead or anything. It's just that I'm now taking a cough syrup with codeine. AMAZING as that is, it does make me "fuzzy" and renders me illiterate in a way.

THAT plus even though I've done some Christmas Shopping (note the CAP. S in Shopping? that was no mistake) they are all sitting in a pile waiting to be rationed out to the naughty people. Nice people don't NEED presents. They have a firm place is Heaven, as I see it. they don't need material possessions TOO. Besides, I don't fraternize with nice people. Except for Carin Davis. (dede---you're nice too, but more evil than your sis.) (and when I say "evil" I mean that in an endearing way) (but you still get a present Carin!)

ALSO I can NOT believe that it is tuesday and in 4 days I am leaving for utah. FOUR DAYS?!?!?!? How is that possibe? HOW? I didn't even get out my Christmas cards. I am only ALMOST better too. So I better be back into the full swing o' things tomorrow. Plus do I drive? Do I fly? Do I take the dogs? no? I can't make decisions under the influence like this.

But you now what? I am having coffee right now. It's the counter balance to the codeine cough syrup. Oh and btw, if you EVER have a nasty cough, or even kinda one, GET THAT from your doctor. BLISS is all I say. BLISS. And if you can couple it with a salted carmel hot chocolate from SBUX, you WILL be in Heaven too, Nice or not!!

Black Saturday

I am beyond tired of being sick. I was gonna write that in all caps but that would have been too much finger strength. what kills me is that this is like the second to last saturday before Christmas!!!!!! THIS day should be waking up to gingerbread lattes, banana/nutella crepes at the grove right before the Nordstrom doors open, shopping merrily with ole chums, eating lunch at cheesecake factory, catching a hip holiday movie with popcorn and milkduds and then coming home to decorate your tree drinking mexican hot chocolate with marshmallows and a plate of snickerdoodles, singing along to clay aiken's christmas album by candlelight whilst you merrily wrap all your super cute presents that you bought, putting away all the other super cute "presents" you bought in your closet, if you know what I mean. A day so warm and fuzzy you could puke snowglobes and Myrrh.

NOT sneezing your way to the dog park when it's still dark outside, with pockets full of damp kleenex and dashed hopes, one eye watering from a scratchy contact lens, trying to sing along to christmas songs in your car but the high note inducing a coughing fit the likes of a 73 yr old man with a 12 pack a day marlborough habit, coming home to an empty cold house with a sweaty brow staring at last night's chicken pot pie and orange hi-C fest littering your coffee table as you realize your dog treats and toilet paper are running out and you MUST hit costco today, the second to last saturday before christmas!! which should be renamed "black costco saturday" and you'll be run over with carts the weight of a midsize car filled with industrial chef-boy-ar-dee cans and Frozen cubicles of pizza snacks and bricks of cheese that NO wolf in america could huff and puff and blow down, and then wait in the parking lot for 2 hrs to exit eating your churro and $1 polish dog for your holiday feast only to come home and have to haul up the stairs boxes of dog jerky, toliet paper and the 13 hard cover new release books you had to have, and then pass out in bed watching 90210 marathons because you'll never really read those 13 hardcovers.

Perhaps I can just live vicariously watching the Walsh's try to make a Beverly Hills Christmas more like their cozy michigan christmas by buying a snowblower and a casio piano.