Tuesday, September 19, 2006

i am citizen, no?

I am in NYC right now. Haven't had time to post b/c computer has been tempermental and I have been spending all free time enjoying TOO much coffee, so I can't exactly think...or rather my thoughts race so fast I can't type. anyhoo, so I was on the subway today, standing, and the guy sitting next to me was studying what could only have been a citizenship test. It was half in russian or something, and then half in english. So I was reading the questions on the whole page, and I can honestly say that I did not know even ONE answer. not ONE. I would have WAY failed the citizenship test. There were trickster questions like
1.what job does congress do?
2.how many senators do we have?
3.what is the job of the supreme court?
4.who elects congress?
5.who makes the laws?
6.what is the house of representatives made of?
7.name 2 of your state's senators.

here were my quick answers...

1.mmm...i dunno
2.a lot? 12?
3.to make laws?
4.ummm, .......THE PRESIDENT! (i know THAT one!)(oops, not really)
6.umm, congress?
7.oh, uh, what's his name. that one guy.

***note to all my zealous DC friends and Jason....I don't NEED to know the answers, because I already know that every one of them was wrong, so as you're rolling your eyes in disbelief, calm those fingers down and DO NOT send me the correct answers. ignorance, is in fact, BLISS.

Here's the point, if stuff like that were relevant OR important, then it would be on TV. A LOT. and it isn't. DO I know how many judges are on AMERICAN Idol? YES! 3! I ain't no retard! I AM AN AMERICAN!!! How many channels on AMERICAN cable...300! how many seasons of AMERICA'S next top model....5! I am a true red/white and blue all the way. I LOVE apple pie.

So I really think the test needs to reflect current american values. oh and also, a quick thanks to my polish and mexican ancestors...god bless em, for passing that heinous test so I wouldn't have to! PHEEEEEE-eeeewww! My ass would be back across the border. Good thing they don't do random citizen testing. (see, we don't REALLY care about all that gov'mint stuff, or they WOULD do random citizen testing!)

ALL i'm saying is this...is it really fair to put the poor immigrants through unnecessary torture for useless outdated information. shouldn't they just be given a map of the mall, all starbucks locales and an US weekly? A dictionary for all idiomatic expressions like "it's allllll good" and "wassup?" and "totally lame" "grande latte" and stuff like that. I'm just saying.

Friday, September 08, 2006

no room for baby jesus...

I still don't have a roommate. I don't know what's wrong. I even had a guy from "queer eye for the straight guy" come look at it. he seemed perfect. Gay, makes good money, kinda famous...but as soon as he said "i LOVE the decor...my moroccan furniture will look GREAT in here" it was the beginning of the end.

there's NO ROOM for more stuff in here. A plasma TV, perhaps. but otherwise I have been very clear in my ads that it is FULLY furnished, and yet this is the third time someone has wanted to come in and re-decorate. It's such a quagmire (old english major rears it's ugly head) I want a gay roommate, except I want the kind of gay that does NOT want to decorate. That just isn't happenning.

ho hum. what's an LA girl to do? I am up to my ears in rent, therapy bills, mocha latte's, and Target is just way WAY too close to me. I am starting to "collect" cleaning products that are "cute" and "pretty" like their METHOD WOOD WIPES and LAVENDER LINEN SPRAY. LINEN.SPRAY. I don't even know what it's for, why anyone would spray linens, except the bottle was nice, and matched my laundry room rugs.

I need an intervention of some sort, I just don't think Betty Ford has wing for this.