Thursday, March 08, 2007

spring diet

I am starting a diet today.

WHY NOW? you ask.


NOT because I pay $200 an hour for my shrink to tell me that I need to lose weight.

NOT because I was prescribed anti-depressants because my shrink said gaining so much weight was a sign of depression.

NOT because none of my clothes fit, including my stretchy yoga clothes and underwear. when underwear gets tight you're in trouble...but that didn't even motivate me. I actually bought bigger undies.

NOT because I just noticed I have fat-lady-feet.

NOT because I went to vegas this weekend and pulled my back AND sprained my ankle because I am too fat to dance in heels.

,.,,but BECAUSE yesterday at the dog park my lovely little girl lab AND my old lab mistook me for this MUCH LARGER, shall we say, heavy set, lady WHO was also poorly dressed and a good 50 lbs heavier than me but her hair was in a bun like mine (never again) and they both went up to her thinking it was ME!!! they were noticeably confused when I SCREAMED at them to "get the hell over here" to me. They looked at me, looked at her, and THEN realized they had the wrong owner!! REALLY!!

They got no treats that night. stupid mutts.

So that was the perverbial straw that broke the fat camels back.


Joe said...

it's "proverbial" and you need to move back the East ASAP!! no more messing around! LA is just a high-calorie, sugary, no-nutrition wasteland. COME HOME.

Granny~Van said...

HHAAAAHHHH! Okay, Beck is fully senial (did I spell that right?), but Maggie? Maybe the LARGE MARGE bun lady just "smelt" like you. Yeah, that's it! OMG! I wish I was there to see the confusion on their poor little beige faces when they found themselves in the midst of a pickle!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA