Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Hello motha. Hello Fatha. Greetings from Camp. Hiawatha.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
- Miss Piggy




I've had enough. I just enrolled for fat camp. One whole week. Aug 22. I might die of no TV. I'm SURE they don't have tv there. I got a private room just in case. So I can at least have netflix streaming...wait, they better have wifi! I'm sure I'll be sneaking into the regular people's spa getaways for any wayward gourmet snacks left behind. I wonder if they search your luggage? I hope it's not all like lock down rehab. I mean, not that I've been to rehab. But I HAVE been in lockdown. Aka, juvie.

But Juvie wasn't all that bad. Bible camp. Now THAT was bad. {shiver} Yah. It's true. I was once a Jesus Jammer. I bought Jesus friendly rock albums. I was a "Job's Daughter" aka Jobie. I was a regular in Young Life (does that even exist still?) I went to Bible camp at least 3 different summers. Maybe even more. I was undefeated in the bible verse memorizing championships. I spent an entire summer working in my Uncle's Bible Bookstore in Tyler, Texas....stealing Bibles and Precious moments figurines to give to my bible campy friends. My last summer at Bible camp I was 16 and my friend and I snuck into the cabins during morning vespers to steal the camp counselors' ID's so we could get into bars when we got home.

It was never meant to be, me and the Jesus. I think what you should NEVER teach children is how no matter what you do, Jesus will forgive you, cuz that's all I took away from a lifetime of sunday school. That I could be really bad, and at say, 80 or so, I could beg for forgiveness and all would be well! No one paid more attention to 'the prodigal's son' story more than me!

wait. where was I? Oh yah. fat camp. yah. so I haven't been to camp since my holy roller days. I fully expect that nothing has changed and that even if I am approaching 40, I will probably still be breaking into the kitchen madly hunting for chocolate ganache.

So, pray for me, children of Israel, that I may be lead to the garden of apple fritters during my stay at fat camp. Because I am already in such a panic that I am planning my entire saturday around getting to the newly opened LA outpost of Magnolia Bakery to beat the crowds and get my 2 cupcakes and banana pudding and key lime cheesecake all before it has to end on that fateful day of Aug. 22.

I would beg for God's mercy right about now, but I still have those stolen Bibles to repent for, and I'm not 80 yet. So you guys pray FOR me k?

gotta get to the bakery church.....

9 comments:

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Girl, you'll be fine. You're the yoga bitch. No twobit, fat camp can break you.

Kristina P. said...

I thought your job WAS fat camp.

And remember when I thought you were Mormon? Hahahahahahaha.

rychelle said...

magnolia in LA???

when would be a good time for me to come stay with you? before or after fat camp?

rychelle said...

btw........when do you expect LA to get a smack? it's bound to happen, right? right???

rychelle said...

i love reliving our ny days of dietary debachery. in case you couldn't tell......

rychelle said...

have you been to crumbs lately?

peewee said...

HAHA! Oh rychelle....you are WAY overdue for a visit. We'll just PRETEND it's NY and do all NY stuff here.

Kris said...

If fat camp is going to be anything like Celebrity Rehab, I can't wait for a full recap.

Oh, and do tell more about your holy roller days! Did you wear peasant skirts and have 4 1/2 feet of long, braided hair? Pictures!

Granny~Van said...

Bahahahahaa...can I sneak you some chocodiles in MY purse? I can bedazzle them and add a cute little handle thereby creating a swanky purse.

@Kris...BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA...YogaB in a peasant skirt with a four foot braid....BAHAHAHAHAAAA...I NEED PIX!!!