If only there were an anonymous weekly meeting for my life. Not anything specific. But just a general "F*cked-ups Anonymous" type meeting to cover it all.
"Hello. My name is Yogabitch. And I am F*CKED UP"
I'm not sad about it or anything. It would just be nice to have a support group is all. A sea of nodding heads going "yah....been there. Done that. You spent your rent money on ONE pair of shoes? ME TOO!"
"You purposely farted near that one super annoying chick in yoga? After a lunch of Indian food? Extra spicy curry? Yup. That was my twenties, girl!"
You have 29 different bottles of hair product on your shelf? That you don't use? But they're FRENCH! Yah. I got a CLOSET full of the stuff. You GO GIRL!"
But then again. I have you guys. SO Just nod and smile and know you're not alone. No matter how BAD you might think you act....there's me.
My name is YogaBitch.
And I am F*cked up. I've been in a downward shame spiral for the last two weeks. Rock bottom? Well. Let's hope. But I have a feeling it's just more of the same ole same ole.
1. My SUPER awesome friends sent me a WHOLE BOX. (36!) Of the best cookies IN.THE.WORLD. last week. It was a total surprise. I thought it was a box of books I had ordered from amazon. (see #2) I'm sure you're already predicting that OF COURSE I ate the entire box. My friends even told me how well said cookies "freeze." yah. We, (the cookies and I) never made it that far. But you knew that already. Cut to ONE WEEK LATER where I ended up on that website ordering not ONE but TWO more boxes. (this cookie company is VERY manipulative) Delivered TO ME. FROM ME. The shame. Especially when you go to check out and the pop-up says "include gift message?" and you click "No, proceed to checkout." I spent $75. On cookies. FOR MYSELF. When they do finally arrive I will put on my best "OH MY GOSH LOOK WHAT SOMEONE SENT ME" face.
2. I can't stop ordering books on Amazon. (But at least they're not cookies) Some of them are teen books. For teens. Maybe I can at least re-gift them to my nephew. or something. But they're SO good!
3. I may be single. But I'm not lonely! Who says money can't buy love? 11 inches of love! Best part? When I'm tired I just slam it shut. And when I need it again? It comes up instantly. No need to wait and wait for reboot. God Created Adam, Eve, and Mac. Right? This is NORMAL! Right?
You're up next. Take the podium. Make me feel like I'm not alone here.
Why is the comments section empty?