Thursday, September 15, 2011

BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH

Listen. I've said it many many times. But at least once a year I get my annual, uh, gift? as it were. And tonight was the night. This otherwise adorable guy was front and center(fold)  in class tonight. And it wasn't until the END of class that I had them do a two minute thing where you sit like this....

Annnnd THAT, my friends is when the magic happened. Adorable guy was wearing NO UNDERWEAR. And loose shorts.

Now, let me repeat that this is kinda old hat to me by now. I am a seasoned instructor, after all. I've been to battle. Usually I just run away and avoid that whole side of the room entirely and then drive home and take a burning shower to my eyes and scrub them with sulfuric acid to burn away the image.

But tonight I was trapped. He was in the front row, and I was DIRECTLY sitting in front of him. SITTING. There was no way to escape politely AND I had just told the class that it was a two minute pose. I mean his Don Johnson was RIGHT there. Like mere inches away. Like-I-could-have-put-a-Gucci-leash-on-it-and-adopted-it-as-my-4th-pet close.

So I did all I could do and looked away. Tried to PRETEND that his wiener dog wasn't wagging in front of me. And then see out of the corner of my eye that HE now notices that he is doing flasher-asana and he goes "OH DUDE!" and tries to put the thing back in!!! ALL WHILE DOING THE POSE! THIS pose...


He THINKS he has put lucifer back in the box but he hasn't really and the darned thing keeps coming back out. 

yah. 

Annnnd he keeps puttin' it back in and so forth. He's also looking around all embarrassed to see if anyone saw and he looks right at me, who's looking ANYWHERE but him, and then I just lose it.

 I start to laugh. And then I can't stop laughing but I have to cover it up because I DO NOT WANT HIM TO KNOW THAT I KNOW.  So I start talking "to the class" about stuff that isn't even funny, but I'm all cracking up and they're all confused because I am making no sense. I'm saying stuff like "yah, you know, yoga can sometimes be difficult HAHHAHAHAHAH! Especially when it's really hot in here HAHHAHAHHA! And your mats get all sweaty HAHAHHAHAHA! Ohhhhh...you guys are so funny HAHHAHAHHAHA!"

Then it was FINALLY over and I was all "SAVASANA!"(the final resting pose)  even though it wasn't at all time for the final pose and there was still 15 mins of class left. and as soon as flasher dude was lying down I bolted from my seat and ne'er returned. 

I really REALLY don't get paid enough for this. It's gonna take a double dose of Vicodin to erase this kinda pain. 


8 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I feel like this was an episode of Friends.

rychelle said...

haaaHaaahaAaaahAaaaaHAaaaaaA!

Kris said...

Drown your pain in a carton of Ben & Jerry's Schwetty Balls ice cream. You'll feel much better.

NIKOL said...

I love this story so much.

Also? Flasher dude totally knew you were laughing at him.

Anonymous said...

OMG! I am DYING! That's so hysterical! It's more lika an episode of Family Guy or South Park.

Karen Peterson said...

Hey! I remember the aforementioned episode of Friends, too.

Your job sounds so much more interesting than mine. Of course, at my job, if a guy starts showing off his bits I can just have him arrested.

peewee said...

I do NOT remember this on Friends...what porno version of Friends are you guys watching????

Granny~Van said...

HOWLINGGGG!!!! Where the heck was your iphone when you needed it most???