ANGRY MONDAY

I'm having what I would like to call an "ANGRY MONDAY" That's when EVERYTHING is pissing you off and not going your way. And it's monday, so on top of everything being "off" you have a million chores to do. THis is going to be an angry spoiled apathetic brat blog, so I'm just warning you. Because it's only 8:30 AM here in tinselfuck and my "NEW YORK" bagel is dry and stale and cost THREE DOLLARS!*** (Murray's Bagels in NY, one of THE BEST, is only $2.75 and they're THE BEST) and my carmel latte is bitter, too much ice and not enough carmel, and my internet connection is slower than dial up.

***the added bonus here was that I tried to "charm" the new bagel store guy up so that I would get a GOOD bagel and he said "you have a big personality. i bet when you walk into a place everyone notices you...(a pause)...well, when you dress nicer and put on make-up and stuff"

My new dog park that is across the street from Nordstrom's (and you would THINK would be pristine) is totally ghetto and nasty, with garbage and mud and bums everywhere. I don't mind the bums, but in LA you just have to watch out because these bums could be just bums OR they could be violent ex-gang bums from their hey-day in the 80's and early 90's riots who are all pent up, have had too much heroin residue, and are ready to unleash their fury on anyone who walks by. You just never know. SO all bums are potentiallty a threat. AND then this is called the PAN-AMERICAN park so there are about 80 percent OLD asians who are all terrified of dogs. PLUS there are a LOT of runners, who are the yuppie running type who are running with their business partners while discussing hedge funds. SO this so-called morning dog park is like a mine field for me. Oh and I almost forgot, the people who DO bring their dogs are also old and crazy or just crazy and they ALL want to talk to you because you are not 1.asian 2.running 3. a violent bum.

So after all this drama this morning all I wanted was a nice perfect coffee, and a nice perfect bagel while I surfed the net. Nature is clearly against me. ALSO the chores facing me today are the kind you avoid until you can avoid no longer. LIKE....setting up the cable appt, trying to figure out WHICH 9 hour block of day you have to staple yourself home and wait and wait and wait until the last 5 mins of the 9 hour block when they show up only to tell you that you need a special wire that they have to order so when would you like to re-schedule another hook-up appt?

...applying for a parking permit for the street and having to provide every legal document to prove that you do in fact live on that block so you can be ALLOWED a permit that costs $125 to park which you just KNOW will require you to change your address at the DMV which will be a WHOLE OTHER ANNOYING CHORE!!

... and last but certainly not least on my TODO list is the unavoidable (but I've SO been trying to avoid) trip to....to....HOME DEPOT. I don't even know where it is. I don't WANT to know where it is. It was bad ENOUGH last monday when I had to go to, gulp, SEARS, but this is SO. MUCH. WORSE. Why can't I just be a lesbian and have a nice butch lesbo girlfriend to do all this FOR ME? I am not geared for Home depot. I grew up in a single MOM household. we had handy men, gardners, people who did this stuff for us. And back then, if and when we did need say, a nail or hammer, we had a local hardware store, where you walked in, told them what you needed (a nail thingy for wood stuff) they KNEW what you needed, got it for you and wrapped it up so you never had to actually look at it or anything, and you certainly never needed to look for it yourself.

Best if you don't try to contact me today. oh and also, all the plants that my mom forbid me to take, but I took anyway cuz they are SUPER CUTE (potted orange and lemon trees...adorable! and potted ficus trees...super cute pots. and the pretty pink bouganvelia) are all dying because I just notcied that they haven't been watered since I moved. oops. I just figured my new gardeners would just KNOW that I don't DO that. SO on top of all these annoying chores I also have to WATER MY PLANTS!!!!

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