Tuesday, August 15, 2006

This blog brought to you by "THE NEW DIET" infomercial.

I have found THE diet secret. Seriously. It's free, actually SAVES you money, AND I have lost about 20** lbs in 3 days! how? you ask. Wellll....here is it....

GET rid of your refrigerator AND cable just for a few days, 2 or 3 even. This limits you to foods that are sustainable only for a few hours, and or food that can live on a counter, like wheat bread and bananas. Now you may be saying to yourself, "yah, but kiki, I would just eat fast food, the perfect excuse for a McDonalds bender!"

ahhhh, you would be WRONG round eye, so so wrong. This is where the NO CABLE comes in. When there is nothing to watch on TV, and NO REASON to plop onto your couch, you become so depressed that even McDonalds is no longer appealling, cuz really, where are you gonna eat it? inside the actual McDonalds???? GOD NO! You haven't been INSIDE one of those since they had the big plastic Ronald and Hamburglar figurines all around. No, instead you will become sooo frustrated with life, and all the limitations no cable and no fridge put upon you that you will just sigh, grab a stupid protein bar and throw in the towel.

Now you think this is all of it....BUT WAIT! as an ADDED bonus, turn off your electricity too! Without that, there are no night munchies, cuz you can't see anything, and your days of watching nick at nite with a bag of oreos in bed are OVER! Then with nothing to do and nothing to see and no cell phone or computer (they have all lost power too) you have no choice but to get a good night's sleep. AND THEN when dawn breaks, you are UP because you are SO excited that there is LIGHT!! And since no one else is up, and you can't cook any breakfast, or surf the net, or call anyone, you just go out for a walk, given all other opportnities are now exhausted.

AND you just keep walking, cuz really, there's nothing to come home to anyway, so may as well.

SO you see folks, THIS is the foolproof diet we americans have been needing, and it costs you nothing AND your electric bill is nothing!!!

and I am proof cuz my pants all fit now, and it has only been 3 days!!***


**results a-typical

***as an added enhancement to this diet, and for faster weight loss, move out of your 3 bedroom overly furnished house to an upstairs apartment.

5 comments:

Joe said...

so, i take it you won't be getting cable--or a fridge?? good for you!

vanessa said...

so this is where you've been??? you know you're welcome at my crib. OR i'll meet you for those walks.
hey how are you writing this? I always liked sitting in front of my computer w/ a bag of oreos... now I know about nick at night.

Granny~Van said...

Hey, you COULD get a fridge just for looks say, and just LOOK normal. Just don't get electricity and stay on the diet. Your new neighbors certainly won't know the difference. They'll just think you're ULTRA orthodox, right? Well, until CHristmas!! LOL! I'm already looking on ebay for that EXTRA special Christmas ornament.

Anonymous said...

i hear nordstroms has a good cafe

peewee said...

NORDY has THE BEST caffe! But actually I live at sbux, for instance right now I am sitting here with my iced mocha (mmmm ICE!) and am powering up my computer/phone/ipod all at once! And they say starbux is expensive! only if you don't UTILIZE what the offer!!!