Thursday, March 25, 2010

That biological clock is ticking...and speaking of clocks, mine are pretty dusty....

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Next up we have Erika Badhu Performing. How YOU Bah'doin"
-wendy williams

Yesterday my two good friends came over with their two husbands and 7 kids....and a random grandma in there. It was SO much fun. We've been friends since college, and by 'college' I mean the years one would be going to college. In theory. And I won't even lie here. It was so.much.work.

Which is when I TRULY realized my mistake of being a selfish shopper hermit work-a-holic (that term is subjective...but I've paid my dues!) all my life. I have no offsrping to ORDER AROUND!! I have no kids to fetch my shoes and bring mama a cocktail STAT. I sat there doing the math. Even if I did have a baby it would take YEARS for me to make him/her do the dishes and arrange my shoe closet!

I mean, I'm not delusional. kids are also a WRECK. They can take down a house before they even all get in the door. But the ONLY person who spilled their drink on the furniture was, uh, ME. So, that's not REALLY a downside.

I've come to the conclusion that I could foster kids!! AND AND AND....THEY PAY YOU!!!!! I did the math again. 2 spare bedrooms+4 bunkbeds =8 mini-merry-maids loving children I could give a home to!!! WHY have I not thought of this sooner?? I could have a kid-mill. I could teach them to dust better than Lucy-the-housekeeper who doesn't get to the bottom bookshelf. ever.

Oh! This fantasy is even better than the "what would I do with my winning lottery money" fantasy or my "what if I were trapped overnight in Nordstrom/See's Candy" fantasy.

one can only dream.

Wonder if my healer roommate can help me manifest this?

19 comments:

Jillybean said...

You know, they don't always do what you ask them to, sometimes they just roll their eyes and leave the room.

NIKOL said...

Let's manifest the Nordstrom/See's Candy's vision. You hear me, universe? I'M MANIFESTING BEING TRAPPED IN A CANDY STORE. Ommmmmmm.

Lin said...

Oh, I would definitely rent some kids for a few days before jumping into that one. I don't care HOW good you are, nobody is teaching kids to dust. It doesn't happen. EVER. And they cost a lot of money for clothes and food and such. Save your money, pally.

peewee said...

Where the hell are all my commenters? Disneyland?

oh. yah.

Kristina P. said...

Look at this! I rushed to the hotel from Disneyland, just to come and comment on your blog. You owe me a beer tomorrow! And by beer, I mean water.

Maybe you should spend more time at Disneyland. You will want to throw your biological clock into the ocean.

peewee said...

KP....HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! I am dying laughing! "throw my biological clock in the ocean!" HAHAHAHHA! See u tommorrow~

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

You're better off wishing to be trapped in a See's candy store. After the county gets done with the money for clothing and food allotment and then you have to do visitation and NO punishment for eye rolling and refusing to clean...you'll be ready to be taken away on a stretcher. Just eat the chocolate and enjoy!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

See's candy is like crack. If I ever got locked in there, they would find my limp, comatose, nearly dead from sugar intoxication (is there such a thing) body, with chocolate smears all around my mouth.

rychelle said...

what? mick & maggie don't dust?

Kris said...

If you can find a mall with Nordstrom, Sees AND Sephora, just let me know and I'll hide in the bathrooms with you until they lock up.

I am literally just hours away from meeting you! I've already pre-peed my pants in excitement. Can you feel the love?

bernthis said...

you forgot about the part where they suck you dry for money... that is the fun part REALLY

Carin said...

Ummmmmm, you are the best hostess in the WORLD!!!!!!! You know your good when my kids would rather go to your house than Disneyland!!!! You are so great with all kids!! If anyone could teach kids to love to dust it would be you!!!

xo,
We miss you already!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I can borrow you my boys...you know, just to see how it goes!

Kristina P. said...

So, apparently, that Jennifer Love Hewitt thing IS called the Vajazzler! I thought we just made it up!

But, we did talk about how our As Seen on TV ad should have a yoga theme, with different poses, to show off the glory.

I think our tag line should be, "Namaste. Down there."

And you have nothing to say about the magical face unicorn?!?!

abalone said...

tick-tock, tick-tock...

peewee said...

ah! The magical face unicorn! Let's market that TOGETHER with the vajazzler. "You could have a magical unicorn....ANYWHERE!"
"Magical Unicorns! They're not just for faces ANYMORE!"

Counselormama said...

You know, Foster kids would be a good idea, it's a win win! As a former social worker, just don't get any "Level 14" kids, that's all I'm sayin'.

dede said...

first - ditto what Carin said. I wll be sure to up my game next time you come (which means you need to give me more than a day notice)
second - you can rent my kids (and by "rent", I mean I will pay you) anytime! You have seen first hand how quickly they can take down your house, so maybe you will want to take them one at a time BUT you have to take them all - not just the good/cute ones!
Thanks for everything! You are awesome! xoxo

Term Papers said...

sometimes they just roll their eyes and leave the room.