Thursday, January 21, 2010

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I'm like 17. Which means in a year or two I'll be like 18"
-Alexa (O.C. teenager)


What can I say? It has been raining here for DAYS. And I LOVE IT! For me? Rain means TV/Books/Mugs of coffee/never getting out of bed. I did manage to drag myself to target yesterday and bought the softest powder blue blanket ever. I'm pretty sure it was maybe meant for babies, but I SO don't care. I mean, it's a queen size. So I'm just HOPING it was meant for adults. REALLY REALLY LAZY adults!

That blanket is the reason why I didn't make it out of bed until noon today. And when I did drag my ass to actual work I just kept dreaming of rushing home back to my blanket.

But this is all normal for a rainy day. No? I think this is why going to utah for college was a bad idea. There's a REASON it took me 6 (7?) yrs to graduate.

But no matter. Has anyone seen the promos for the new season of "celebrity apprentice?" WELL, they VERY MUCH use the term "celebrity" VERY VERY VERY VERY loosely. And often in the promos these alleged celebrities need to remind us of who they WERE. And I just about fell over in my chair (bed) when a guy comes on and says "I am the #1 highest grossing comedian in the US!"

You dare to guess who it is? Robin Williams? Chevy Chase? Will Ferrell? Chris Rock? Don Rickles? Jerry Seinfeld?

uh uh.

THE NUMBER ONE COMEDIAN IN US HISTORY IS>>>>


SINBAD.

#1. IN THE US.

HAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!! DE.LU.SION.AL.

God was all up in Heaven going "OH. MY. SELF."

Needless to say I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Sometimes I think I should get a real job. Like for instance right now VIcki on Real Housewives is having a "staff meeting" where she's surprising everyone with a botox-spraytan party at the office. I really feel like I might just be missing out in the work force somehow.

My blanket is calling....

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Sometimes I feel so dump

I got this "comment" yesterday on an old post. It is VERY entertaining. I think it must be the owner of Engrish.com.

Good day, sun shines!
There have were times of troubles when I felt unhappy missing knowledge about opportunities. I was a dump and downright stupid person. I have never thought that there weren't any need in large starting capital.
Now, I feel good, I started take up real income - that is incorporate it in real business, parts and divides the profit with me.
You can get interested, if there are such firms? I'm obliged to answer the truth, YES, there are.

This is the very reason I will not ever have word verifications.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

it's the "economy." The really bad "economy."

A conversation via skype with my friend today.

ME: Hey! Guess what? I just rented my guest bedroom! Now I can buy that $2,000 Marc Jacobs dress at Bloomies! pay my $2,000 Vet bill!!!

HER: That is Awesome! Congratulations. That must be a huge relief.

ME: It is. And he paid cash and everything already. He's SUPER nice and I can TELL he's normal.

HER: Oh good. What's his name?

ME:---------

HER: What are you doing? why are you looking down and typing?

ME: ummmmm....I'm just. doing. something.

HER: OH MY GOD! You don't even KNOW HIS NAME??

ME: welllll...hang on. I'm just. uh. checking my emails. It's confusing and all. with all the people I interviewed and stuff.

HER: Well, what's his first name at least?

ME----------

HER: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS FIRST NAME?!?!?!

ME: {frantically checking emails, stalling) well, I mean, he's from canada! And he's like married and stuff! And he's a film editor or director or something! And he has a wife! In canada! And that means he's normal! annnnndddd.....JOHN! His name is JOHN!!!

HER: {stern face glaring at me through my computer screen}


Okay, well, to be fair, I have GREAT intuition on these things. I KNOW PEOPLE. mostly. except for that one girl who stole all my most expensive shoes.

Oh, and that other one who's name I forget who snuck out in the middle of the night ne'er to return again.

Oh, and the one "actor" A-hole.

Okay. FIne. He's probably setting up his meth lab on my antique desk as I type. But hey! HE PAID IN CASH!

Friday, January 08, 2010

Friday. yah. Friday.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"Vegetarians will be the first to go. That's my plan. Vegans haven't got a hope. "I eat air, I'm so healthy..." Bollocks!"
-THIS BLOG

Aforementioned blog is HILARIOUS!

Annnnd. That's all I got. It's friday night...after a whole week of being sick in bed. I SOMEHOW managed to drag my weakened, pale, recovering self to the Grove today. Nordstrom IS known to be a beacon of healing; a halfway house, as it were. But that's it. Unless you want to catch up on Dr. oz and people's court...i got nuthin.

Oh yah, and this also cracked me up!

PS. I just wanted to take a moment to thank my GENIUS Vet who gave me meds to make Mick "feel better" WITH the instructions to not take him to the park for another week. This is what I have to look forward to for another week.
video

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Mamma always said "no such thing as a free ride" I shoulda listened to that.

I have the worst cold :( And it's the kind of cold that 3 yr olds get. Runny, snotty, stuffy nose, sneezing fits. I can't even get a regular adult-like flu.

AND I have to carry KLEENEX IN MY POCKET! DO you even know how 'old lady' that makes me feel? Kleenex. In the pocket. I may as well be 85 with an AARP card in my wallet daydreaming about Gus Witherspoon.


And while I'm complaining, let's just talk about the concept of a "free dog" I mean, who can say NO to that face?

JUST SAY NO to that face!!

This dog has allergies. He has to eat the most expensive "wild salmon" food in the world! Also, he's allergic to the soil in our neighborhood. Of course. So he has to go on antibiotics every 6 months AND has to have a special shampoo that seriously rivals any Kerastase product out there. HE has to have organic $20 a bag wheat-free treats.

THEN last night I took him to the vet because he has had a limp that has gone on too long. And don't you know he had to have a million dollars worth of Xrays, had to have anesthesia so he'd stay still for said xrays and as it turns out he has a slightly bad right hip, WHICH means daily supplements AND daily anti-inflammatory FOR LIFE.

Seriously, He's costing me more monthly than a VW car payment.

Just so you know. NO SUCH THING AS A FREE DOG.

sigh. I mean. I love him and all. I guess.

I watched Julie & Julia last night, which was SO good. And most of it is Julia Childs living in France. And I started CRYING....partly the movie, and partly cuz I was all "I COULD BE LIVING IN FRANCE IF I DIDN'T HAVE THESE DOGS!!" And then I looked at them snoring on MY bed and scowled.

I wonder if moms of kids ever get this way. Is this a mid-life crisis?

I'm going back to bed. That's the only thing good about being sick. You don't have to justify naps and/or Midday Law & order Marathons on TNT.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Keeping Psychiatrists in business since 1965

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"did you ever think that there's more to life than being really really really really really really ridiculously good looking?"
-zoolander

I taught GENTLE yoga this morning. And this big guy came in with some serious bling.

ANYWAY. He had a HUGE gold chain on. Annnnnd, we did this thing where you lie on your back on a block so your head tilts back a lot. His gold necklace kept sliding up his neck, choking him. Did he take it off? no way. This other time a woman came in with a ROCK on her finger. And she kept gauging herself with it. Why am I telling you this? Cuz it makes me laugh. People are so stupid.

And on that note, I am still recovering from the cuckoo's nest Christmas with my family. You have to understand something. GETTING to my dad's house in N. CA takes LONGER than if I flew to Paris. Talk about trains planes and automobiles! And on part of the FOUR HOUR drive, AFTER the flight, is the windiest road in the history of all windy roads! These roads go through thick redwood (or whatever big trees are) forest where there is no light or living beings or starbucks for MILES. When you do finally break through the Hobbit forest and see the ocean and light of day, you're so sick and disoriented you can't even appreciate it.

Add to that a day of eating nothing but cheese and butter brickle and it's no wonder the fam turns feral.

The best part of going home for Christmas though? ASIDE from being able to observe the mental patients otherwise known as my relatives?

Going through the family album. So I can, here on this blog and forever more emblazoned on the internet, post the very pics that represent who we are.

I could really rock the plaid as a kid. Seriously. Stylin.


This is my older brother, Andre the Giant, with the best wedgie EVER. Jack Tripper would be proud.


This is my dad. Who clearly didn't get the memo about not wearing your cub scout shorts past the age of 11.


This is my older bro, younger bro, and younger sis. But that's no matter. The point is, check out that two toned blue shag carpeting and faux wood paneling ON THE CEILING. That there was our prize van. It had a bean bag too. And that couch pulled out into a bed. Don't be mad that we were so VERY ahead of that Partridge bus.

(what is WITH my bro and the shorty shorts? Is he even WEARING pants?)


Me (plaid jumpsuit!) with my baby bro...awww.


Annnnd this is my stylin' bro with my baby sis.


So, see? it's no WONDER most of us need meds now. And this is only HALF my family. Some people have skeletons in their closet? I got these guys. And you wonder why I'm still single?

Saturday, January 02, 2010

"hey! what year did you graduate!?"...."TEN. JUST TEN."

Seriously.

Jan 2nd is SO depressing.

Christmas lights go from cozy/warm/fuzzy to section-8 housing tenement in ONE DAY.

I mean, I've had so much time off I don't even know what to do with myself this weekend. And I have a CHUNK of bills/junk mail/LATE bills that blinks at me like my loser christmas lights every time I walk past them...a cruel reminder of 2009's procrastination and heavy spending all stuffed in an envelope.

I have Vet AND Dental appts. next week which, I assure you, will guarantee I have no travel/shoe money for the remainder of 2010. And we're only 2 days in.

Also? I just REALLY don't like this whole "10" business. How are we supposed to say that? "Hey....rememeber the bad music of the TENS?!" I'm gonna miss you, OH-NINE. Because now we're in TEN. Just TEN.

And going to the gym this morning was dismal. Everyone looked a pale shade of...grey. I forced myself to look down and march slowly into lock down the yoga room. I made sure I was a little late so I couldn't then try to escape. You can't be late AND leave early.

And then I think...ANOTHER year of the gym? REALLY!?!?!

Then I come home and start my New year's mini-resolutions. I like to take baby steps in my resolutions. They're more like, Resolutinis. They look like this..

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTINIS 2010
1. Pay cell phone bill
2. Get milk at grocery store
3. MAKE dentist appt. (for 2011)
4. Take new modem out of box (for 2011 install)
5. Put yoga mat in car for possible use

WHEW! That is SOME list! See? Jan 2 already feels overwhelming. I think I need a croissant or something to make me feel better.

On the other hand, Millionaire Matchmaker and MANY other amazing educational shows premier in the coming weeks. And if the Lifetime Movie Trailers for '10 are any indicator of the year ahead, well then, TEN is gonna be an amazing year! Even if it IS only one syllable!

Ahhh....HOPE at the end of a really annoying tunnel!