Saturday, January 09, 2010

it's the "economy." The really bad "economy."

A conversation via skype with my friend today.

ME: Hey! Guess what? I just rented my guest bedroom! Now I can buy that $2,000 Marc Jacobs dress at Bloomies! pay my $2,000 Vet bill!!!

HER: That is Awesome! Congratulations. That must be a huge relief.

ME: It is. And he paid cash and everything already. He's SUPER nice and I can TELL he's normal.

HER: Oh good. What's his name?

ME:---------

HER: What are you doing? why are you looking down and typing?

ME: ummmmm....I'm just. doing. something.

HER: OH MY GOD! You don't even KNOW HIS NAME??

ME: welllll...hang on. I'm just. uh. checking my emails. It's confusing and all. with all the people I interviewed and stuff.

HER: Well, what's his first name at least?

ME----------

HER: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS FIRST NAME?!?!?!

ME: {frantically checking emails, stalling) well, I mean, he's from canada! And he's like married and stuff! And he's a film editor or director or something! And he has a wife! In canada! And that means he's normal! annnnndddd.....JOHN! His name is JOHN!!!

HER: {stern face glaring at me through my computer screen}


Okay, well, to be fair, I have GREAT intuition on these things. I KNOW PEOPLE. mostly. except for that one girl who stole all my most expensive shoes.

Oh, and that other one who's name I forget who snuck out in the middle of the night ne'er to return again.

Oh, and the one "actor" A-hole.

Okay. FIne. He's probably setting up his meth lab on my antique desk as I type. But hey! HE PAID IN CASH!

15 comments:

Carin said...

Phew...I am glad I passed the scrutinizing screening process! Am I more normal than I thought?

Meg said...

You need a safety word. Penguin? Red rose? Okay, what ever it is, share it with us so we know. Then when you are sure he's going to kill you, you do a blog post with only your safety word and we'll call the police. Okay?

Kristina P. said...

Wait, is this Tori Spelling's husband?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

IS there a nanny cam in the antique dresser?

peewee said...

Penguin! Meg!!!! HAAHHAHAHAHAH!

Ok, for real. let's go with red penguin.

Meg said...

Okay, when I see you blog about red penguin, I'm a-callin' the po-po.

2busy said...

I hope he doesn't turn out to be creepy. That can be a scary thing...

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Don't they say that people who have A LOT of cash on them at any given time are super safe and not drug dealers or anything? That's what I thought....

Red penguin is a good safety word. Mine is " for the love of all that is holy, you need to take the kids now because I've had enough for one day!". Kinda long.

dede said...

he paid in cash - keep focusing on the positive - $$$$

kys said...

When you get busted for having a meth lab or harboring a bank robber be sure to put a really big guilt trip on the pooches.

Kris said...

So did you Google him yet?

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

It is the little things, isn't it? Cash covers A lOT of things...

Yankee Girl said...

So funny! If someone stole my shoes I don't know if I would ever let anyone in my house ever again.

If he is into crystal meth, let me know. I have been thinking about taking up a meth habit to help me lose weight ;)

Debbie said...

I guess the cash will win out every time.

rychelle said...

i don't know, my experience with men named "john" has not been very postitive.

but, at least yours told you he was married right up front.....