BEST BOOK EVER!!!!

BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG ASS by Jennifer Lancaster....Maggie was ENTHRALLED.

WhiteyVille....Little Jewtown....

Does anyone else find it weird when they drive by signs that say "little india" or "chinatown", or "thai town"...or do you just accept this as a title of an area?

Because i kinda think it's pretty racist. I myself, am for sure racist in some ways. It's not called "yogaBITCH" for nuthin'.

It seems like we name stuff for the people who will "take it" passively. I mean, HARLEM is not called "little africa" and My neighborhood is not referred to as "JewTown" (cuz it should be. It is in fact MASSIVELY populated with hasidic jews and temples)
I just find it interesting that we are willing to call certain areas by their inhabitants, and yet it's only for some groups who don't fight it.

I mean seriously, could you imagine if we called COMPTON "blacktown?" There would be an uproar, marches on washington, etc...

Just what I was thinking today when I drove through Korea Town.

the elephant and the tree

there is a story I tell to my yoga students from time to time, to get them to go a little deeper, to seek out new answers, etc..

The story is that the way they train elephants in india is this... When they are babies, they chain them to a tree. It's a LONG chain. but they can only wander off as far as the chain will go. and they are chained for i dunno, years or something. Then when the elephant is all grown they take the chain off.. VOILA! FREEDOM!.

...or so you would THINK. But alas, NO, the elephant THINKS it still has the chain, and for the rest of it's life will never wander further (farther?) than the original chain.

The Moral? What hidden "unreal" chains bind you and limit you in your life? Even though there are no REAL chains for us (well, I mean unless you're a convicted murderer)(they wouldn't GET this story) what theoretical chains bind you to the past???

deep.

moving,

thought provoking.

.
And you know, you're probably waiting for some snide sarcastic remark from me. I LIKE this story because I think it's true. I dunno if they actually TRAIN elephants this way, but The imaginary chain thing IS TRUE, and it makes a good compelling story.And it makes me sound deep and smart when I teach.

ANd I am REALIZING this week how very true it is. I had a "lightbulb moment" as it were. I was sitting here today. watching People's court from my NEW TiVo. I have been WITHOUT TiVo for 8 WHOLE MONTHS. And you know? I sat through the WHOLE hour of my TiVo'd show and realized at the END of the show, that I also watched all the commercials! The remote was RIGHT there in front of me. I COULD HAVE fast fwd'd the commercials. By JUST pushing a button. But I did not.

I, like the little baby elephant, had been trained. And even though the chains are now gone for me, I still forget to believe in myself, and Tivo, and could EASILY have watched a commercial free show. I then realized that I had been watching the commercials for th epast few DAYS.

MAN, those invisible chains are POWERFUL.

SO I share this with you today my friends, my family...I challenge you to go DEEPER. PAY ATTENTION to your life and REALLY ask yourself...what CHAINS are holding YOU back?! Don't make my mistakes. LEARN from them.

I love you all.

Namaste.

why I love fox news

DOnald Trump AND sanjaya malakar are on fox news this morning! I used to HATE the news. Now I lOVE the news...the ONLY way I would love the news MORE is if it were donald, sanjaya, AND The new bachelor/officer. GOD...I would become a shut-in.

Speaking Of crazy ass dumbshits, and I know no one else WATCHES THE BACHELOR....but you can at least understand that ABC is CLEARLY going through budget cuts because the Bachelor is back in LA AND they have chosen a 40 yr old unmarried navy officer (don't ask don't tell ploicy in effect) who is poor and stupid and old and is in the NAVY. ewwwww....what part of that rings as "a catch" to women? Being wooed by a prince...okay. Dating a wiine mogul heir, sure I'd give it a shot. Opening your legs and heart for a hot dumb football player....why not?

BUT a 40 yr old naval officer? yah...THAT"s romantic.... "and then , after we're married we get to LIVE ON BASE...and get food for REAL cheap at the base food store and I'm SURE he's not REALLY gay...that's just an old navy myth....and just think of the free time I'll have when he's away in his submarine for months and months with other men..."

workin' out

I Just took my first spin class in over about 8 months. I feel like puking, I can't move and my 'ha ha hole' is NUMB. this shit can NOT be good for you! I blame my current state on my mother.

ev'rybody was e-bay figh'in....

I've been dabbling lately in ebay selling..4 weeks now. and it only took 4 weeks until I received an email from a sweet canadian buyer...this is an actual email she sent. I took NO poetic license here.

HA HA MY ASS IS COVERED, AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY YOUR TELLING ME YOUR GONNA TRASH MY REP ON EBAY, IVE TRIED TO BE PROFESSIONAL WITH YOU UNTIL YOU SEND ME A SHIT TALK EMAIL. WHAT IS IT WITH YOU WITH YOU AMERICANS AND YOUR GANGSTER LOS ANGELES ATTITUDE, DONT YOU EVER THINK SHIT LIKE THAT IS GONNA SCARE ME HERE, IVE GOT THE FUNDS BITCH IN MY BANK ACCOUNT HERE IN CANADA, SO MY BANK IN CANADA AINT GONNA GIVE YOU ANYTHING OR REVERSE ANYTHING TO YOUR AMERICAN ASS AND NEITHER IS PAYPAL, THIS ISNT PAYMENT FOR DRUGS, LIKE THE WAY YOU MAKE IT SOUND: "GIVE ME THE MONEY IN 4 HOURS OR ILL COME TO CANADA AND SHOOT YOU WITH MY GANGSTER YOGA POSSE DRESSED IN LULU." HA! HA! I SO SHOULD HAVE SCAMMED YOU AND KEPT YOUR HOODIE BUT STUPID ME, I SENT IT OFF, AND WRAPPED IT UP REALLY NICELY SO IT WOULDNT GET DIRTY, UNLIKE YOU, JUST THROW IT IN A PARCEL UNWRAPPED SO WHEN I GOT IT THE PARCEL HAD HOLES IN IT SO IT POTENTIALLY COULD HAVE GOTTEN DIRTY, BUT DONT WORRY, IVE CHECKED IT AND ITS BRAND SPANKIN NEW. WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? TOO MUCH KRISPY KREME AND POPEYES BISCUITS AND DUNKY DOUGHNUTS CLOUD YOUR BRAIN? BOY, YOU MUST THINK YOUR A REAL IDIOT NOW.

hmmmm...think I should choose another hobby? I dunno, gotta go get me another dunky donut...

Why God Loves not-quite-models!

ONE OF (because there are MANY) my favorite things about America's Next Top Model, is when a girl wins something, or gets picked, and she buckles to her knees, tears welling in her eyes and chokes out...

"Thank you JEEEESUS. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!"

or she gazes her pious face into the camera and says "...well, God was on my side tonight. HE knows what I need."

or when the winners clamor together to pray gratitude, bibles in hand, "...Jesus, heavenly father, THANK YOU for being with us today."

Now, the GOD I BELIEVE IN doesn't just sit around with Jesus on one side and Moses and NOAH on the other deciding who they will support on Tonight's ANTM!

Wait....yes he does.

Family sacrifices...

My little baby sister got married last weekend. It was adorable and sweet, she was also preggers, so it made it even more emotional...I cried blah blah...BUT she got married on Easter weekend, which in and of itself was not inconvenient.

HOWEVER when I flew home MON night I realized that I missed the big See's candy %50 off easter chocolates sale. I plan my ENTIRE year around this. I buy costco see's gift certificates so that not ONLY do I get half off, but it's also like getting another 30% off!!

you may be thinking "well, it's ONLY ONE DAY FOR CHRISSAKES!!"

You would be wrong in that thinking. This is a sale, where you have to line up the morning after easter BEFORE the place opens, shmooze all the grannies who are also lined up, patent leather purses all ready to go, ready to fight you for every last bordeaux egg, and be ready with your game plan in your head.

The part of my brain that LOVES to be in denial said "welll, maybe if you go tues morning there MIGHT be some eggs left, because MAYBE this is the year that they had LOTS of leftovers and not as many people showed up?!" (this is the same part of my zoloft induced brain that also justifies oreos and chocodiles as being "not THAT bad")

SO I went, ever the hopeful, looked around for the easter section, found it, and allllll that was left were JELLYBEANS!!! Because who in their right mind would buy JELLYBEANS at a chocolate store?!?!?

OH well, this is what it means to have FAMILY. Sacrifices need to be made sometimes. You have to think of THE OTHER PERSON. There is no I in LOVE.

BUT if that bitch goes into labor on the opening day of the Nordstrom Pre-Season fall sale, well sisterly love will fly out the window faster than you can say HALF OFF!!

no offense or anything,,,

This is what I am wondering, since I there are a few running around my gym...

WHY is it that transvetites are always like, the largest, gangliest, 6 ft 8 MEN with the hugest adam's apples on the planet? I NEVER see any trannies who are small wimpy guys to BEGIN with. In fact I know MANY smal puny men who would make GREAT women! (don't worry joe, even though you'd make a pretty lady, I am in fact NOT calling you PUNY)

But it seems like all the trannies running around my gym, as ummm, WOMEN, are larger than life. They look like giants, running on the treadmill, a good 3 feet higher than everyone else, with their false eyelashes, and long stringy weaves flinging every which way. This is all happenning while the puny straight boys are across the room, all 5 feet of them, trying to bulk up on the bench press for their Imaginary girlfriends...hoping to score with the ladies later with their teeny little pecks and little golf ball biceps. now THEY would be cute girls!

Well, guess the grass is always greener.