Thursday, December 18, 2008

$200 haircut...the aftermath

Remember my super cute haircut?

yyyyyyaaahhhhhh...I knew it would be a problem as soon as the hair salon styling wore off.

see the similarities?

And THIS is what will happen when I get married and reproduce.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

it's beginning to look a lot like frenzy...

I know I know. I'm not dead or anything. It's just that I'm now taking a cough syrup with codeine. AMAZING as that is, it does make me "fuzzy" and renders me illiterate in a way.

THAT plus even though I've done some Christmas Shopping (note the CAP. S in Shopping? that was no mistake) they are all sitting in a pile waiting to be rationed out to the naughty people. Nice people don't NEED presents. They have a firm place is Heaven, as I see it. they don't need material possessions TOO. Besides, I don't fraternize with nice people. Except for Carin Davis. (dede---you're nice too, but more evil than your sis.) (and when I say "evil" I mean that in an endearing way) (but you still get a present Carin!)

ALSO I can NOT believe that it is tuesday and in 4 days I am leaving for utah. FOUR DAYS?!?!?!? How is that possibe? HOW? I didn't even get out my Christmas cards. I am only ALMOST better too. So I better be back into the full swing o' things tomorrow. Plus do I drive? Do I fly? Do I take the dogs? no? I can't make decisions under the influence like this.

But you now what? I am having coffee right now. It's the counter balance to the codeine cough syrup. Oh and btw, if you EVER have a nasty cough, or even kinda one, GET THAT from your doctor. BLISS is all I say. BLISS. And if you can couple it with a salted carmel hot chocolate from SBUX, you WILL be in Heaven too, Nice or not!!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Black Saturday

I am beyond tired of being sick. I was gonna write that in all caps but that would have been too much finger strength. what kills me is that this is like the second to last saturday before Christmas!!!!!! THIS day should be waking up to gingerbread lattes, banana/nutella crepes at the grove right before the Nordstrom doors open, shopping merrily with ole chums, eating lunch at cheesecake factory, catching a hip holiday movie with popcorn and milkduds and then coming home to decorate your tree drinking mexican hot chocolate with marshmallows and a plate of snickerdoodles, singing along to clay aiken's christmas album by candlelight whilst you merrily wrap all your super cute presents that you bought, putting away all the other super cute "presents" you bought in your closet, if you know what I mean. A day so warm and fuzzy you could puke snowglobes and Myrrh.

NOT sneezing your way to the dog park when it's still dark outside, with pockets full of damp kleenex and dashed hopes, one eye watering from a scratchy contact lens, trying to sing along to christmas songs in your car but the high note inducing a coughing fit the likes of a 73 yr old man with a 12 pack a day marlborough habit, coming home to an empty cold house with a sweaty brow staring at last night's chicken pot pie and orange hi-C fest littering your coffee table as you realize your dog treats and toilet paper are running out and you MUST hit costco today, the second to last saturday before christmas!! which should be renamed "black costco saturday" and you'll be run over with carts the weight of a midsize car filled with industrial chef-boy-ar-dee cans and Frozen cubicles of pizza snacks and bricks of cheese that NO wolf in america could huff and puff and blow down, and then wait in the parking lot for 2 hrs to exit eating your churro and $1 polish dog for your holiday feast only to come home and have to haul up the stairs boxes of dog jerky, toliet paper and the 13 hard cover new release books you had to have, and then pass out in bed watching 90210 marathons because you'll never really read those 13 hardcovers.

Perhaps I can just live vicariously watching the Walsh's try to make a Beverly Hills Christmas more like their cozy michigan christmas by buying a snowblower and a casio piano.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

the life of a shut-in

It's about this time, 8ish at night, where I get restless from being in bed all day. LUCKILY I have my blog audience to bore to death entertain!

This is the sick bed.

That pretty much covers my day. Remote. computer. book. two lazy NON sick dogs...AFTER they have already played on top of the bed, pulling the sheets up from the corners that I can't pull back since they are then dead weight who refuse to move. I have to wedge between the two since Mick has taken it upon himself to face plant into my new favorite ever blanket from target. Seriously, that blanket has saved me and is the softest blanket EVER.

Later in the day, I took them out and Mick decided to be cute and bring in the paper for me to read. he is SO smart and sensitive.
This is what you are NORMALLY shown about a retriever bringing you the paper. The ideal. The fantasy.

This? is reality. He was just trying to get the coupons out for me.

Note how he is mysteriously absent from this picture, like he was all "i ain't sleepin' on that mess!"

Now I'm just waiting for Top CHef to come FORTY MINUTES! UGH! that seems like FOREVER. I am ALMOST tempted to post all my New Zealand pics. The ones, where back in the days of yore (I feel like in december you should say "yore" and "behold" A LOT) I would have an ENTIRE slide show filled with every different field of grapes and bird that we happened upon. (also "upon") maybe if I'm still sick tomorrow.

And then? well, then, it would be cute pics of maggie from puppyhood until now. that's 5 yrs worth. WOOHOOOO! My readership would DROP from 6 to like 2.

ah well. Those desperate two will have some fun.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

KK's Favorite things PART deux...

These are actually, in my expert humble opinion, awesome and cute gifts. Cuz, once again, just tryin' to help ya out this busy holiday season.

BUT before you star shopping online, have a coupla these

Buh Bye appletinis of yore...and behold! the bacontini! And if you don't drink alcohol...FIND a way to work these into your holiday wassal.

First, there's the ipanda.

I mean, who doesn't have an ipod these days? And how cute is this?!?!? There's also an ipig, but if you ask me, and you are, it's a bit creepy.

AND mover over teddy..there's these super funny cute fuzzy cuddly creatures in town...

GUTS and Colons!! Seriously, what kid wouldn't LOVE guts!

Get it? It's a memory STICK! HAHAHHAH. Get it? Stick...stick!

And if you scroll down the page a bit you'll also find the cutest stuffed animals EVER!

I seriously just think this is the cutest alphabet poster, and it's kinda artsy too. If I had a kid I would SO get this. And this very thing is WHY I don't have kids. Because I would spend so much $$ on stuff like this that little jr. would have no college fund...

AND for the A.D.D. person in your life...but someone you DON'T live with, cuz it would drive you nuts, there's the UBER cool Bubble calendar!!

I mean seriously, how hip is that?

I mean, these make me want to organize stuff! And by ME, I mean, Lucy, my cleaning lady.

CUPCAKE. STORAGE. Need I say more?

These Alphabet Ice trays are also WAY cute....again, my child would have no future in my household. you could make ALL the other moms feel inferior when you serve these at YOUR kid's party! But I'm also thinking they'd be awesome at your party, floating around in maragritas. Like put people's initials in their glass so when they get drunk, they won't get confused about who's drink is who's. And it MAY just save some fights!

And for inclement weather? WHAT is cuter than this umbrella? There are a lOT of super cute designs on this website too. Plus no one ever ASKS for an umbrella. But everyone NEEDS a cute one! So, how perceptive are YOU!

I just thought these glasses were super cool. And I am nothing if not super cool.

If this stuff doesn't make you the STAR of CHristmas, I don't know what will. Combine these with a winning personality (like mine!) and you are SET for being the family favorite (like me!)

Kris Kringle

Monday, December 08, 2008

blah cough blah

am sick. too sick to post. barely can type. All I want are reese's peanut butter cups and tang.

not preg. just sick. :-(

Had to ask highly intelligent genius yoga teacher to teach my class. They will be smarter because of it.

MOST annoying thing people say when sick "didn't you get a flu shot?' Makes me want to shove bottle of Nyquil down their throats.

At least snoopy christmas special on tonite. and gossip girl.

there is light at the end of this death flu tunnel.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

I'd rather give birth to quintuplets. Highly intelligent quintuplets.

I just had lunch with THE MOST ANNOYING YOGA TEACHER EVER! This is her second offense.

Don't even ask me how I got roped into that either. It was something like this. You know how when someone has their fist baby and then right after the delivery she's all "I will NEVER have another one. That was the most painful thing EVER" and then sure enough 1 yr. later they're preggers and you're all "I thought you were never having another one" and then she's all "it's weird, you just forget the pain"

That's how I ended up having lunch with this girl. I had forgotten the pain.

Here's how it went down...

ME: Hey! Hi! (forced obligatory yoga hug)

HER: Hi! Did you want me to get you a coffee? I mean, I can't drink coffee! I SO wish I could. But I just get like SICK! It's probably because I had like THE WORST CHILDHOOD ever and now have to take all kids of anxiety medication because my parents totally screwed me over and were horrific, I mean completely horrifying, and now coffee just doesn't agree with my tummy.

(not kidding. she talks that fast, and that annoying)(and this was for real her first sentence)

ME: ohhhh, yah. huh.

HER: I know. It seriously sucks. ESPECIALLY since I LOVED coffee when I lived in New York. Since moving to LA, which I NEVER would have except I had about 5 studios who wanted to buy my script, and I had just wrapped another production, so I moved here and the coffee's not as good, you know? But it's okay, because I HAD to move from NY anyway to just get some space between me and my childhood, because ANYONE who went through what I did needs to get away at some point. Wheeew. I'm lucky, ya know? I mean to even be where I am today after surviving like that. Sure, I have my problems, but I think....I really think that all of that CRAZINESS in my childhood made me extremely creative and intuitive, which is great. I mean, I'm of very high intelligence, you know? And when you're THIS intelligent, genius level, I mean, I went to choat (sp) and I was going to go to yale, but I just had to get away from my childhood, so I chose the production/acting route because I was so good at that too, when you're of such a higher intelligence AND you've been through the things. I've. been. through. in life....I mean, it's been a HARD life...seriously bad stuff, you can't HELP but recognize your talents and understand that that level of genius has a dark side too.

ME: Jaw on floor. Brain spinning to memorize everything, fingers on phone keyboard hiding under table trying to type in the keywords.

HER: Seriously. I know I'm going to have such extremely intelligent kids, everyone is always saying "you are going to have THE smartest kids" and the best part is that THEY will have the intelligence without the CRAZY nightmare of a childhood that I did....


HER:...Oh god! Do you know that when I have male clients, when it's time for them to pay for their session, they will come out in just a towel and be like, "hey, I'll trade you some hot tub time..." and I just laugh.

ME: really? No. Really??

HER: Oh yah! of course! I mean they just see me and and see a BLONDE! SKINNY! HOT! YOGA TEACHER! of course they'll try that! hahahah! They're guys! Even my boyfriend will say to me "you're the hot pretty one, and I'm the intelligent one" and I'm like "UH. EXCUSE ME? You may be of high intelligence, but guess what? I don't just have THE LOOKS...I've got the high intelligence too buster!" You get kicked in your ass your entire life and NO ONE is going to tell you you're just the pretty one! And OH! My other friend, gretchen, who's also a yoga teacher, has the SAME problem! I think every female teacher has to have that problem! (yah, no.) you HAVE to meet gretchen! we'll have to go out and you'd LOVE her cuz she's a totally WACKY teacher like you!

I sped home to write this so you wouldn't think I ad-libbed any of it. I'm super fast like that, cuz well, you'd have to be given my in-humane childhood of running from my mother. (actually....that's kinda true)

So if this is the equivalent of having a second baby, I will not. repeat NOT be having a third! This blog will serve as a reminder.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

just doing my part to make the season jolly...KK's FAVORITE THINGS PART 1

November was all about me. December is the season of giving. And I will extend my vast knowledge of the best gifts of the season. You may or may not want to give these to your loved ones.

This happens to be one of my favs. One, because it's an activity I want to regularly do to certain yoga people. and two, a little hint of violence and death in this season grounds us all, and three...imagine the awkward moment when someone opens this gift!

And then there's this creepy gem. Because who DOESN'T want an eye clock?? It sends the message "I WILL be watching you!" I think if you're a mother-in-law...this will be festive for your daughter-in-law. To hang over her bed.

Oh, and while you're shopping this season, try these.

festive, no?

Moving right along....

Ummmm, so, is there a matching wallet for this?

You might wanna give this to the hubby as a hint that maybe he needs to hit the gym more. I think stating your needs strengthens the marital bliss.

And for the teens in your fam...not YOUR teens, just your annoying younger cousin or something...sends the message to the parents...YOU know where this kid is headed. And/or for grandma.

And THIS I love. ESPECIALLY for someone in your fam you think may be depressed. OR someone going through a divorce. Either thoughtful and perceptive are you!!!!

What to get your boss. What to get your boss. I KNOW! Something for your boss's desk! Who doesn't love a snow globe? WHO?

And for the yogi in your life...your super Zen spiritual friend...A buddha head candle!! Burn buddha burn! Sure, it lLOOKS like a peaceful present AT FIRST. But then what happens when the wax all melts and there's nothing left but the buddha mouth? You'd NEVER see Christians doing a giant Jesus head Candle. It's beyond freakish. Which is WHY IT'S SO PERFECT FOR FREAKISH YOGI'S!!!

I actually love this. I mean. Who wouldn't? I think it's a good one for a girl. perhaps a hint to your single 50 something aunt marge? A hint she should come out already? Or your super girly gay friend...remind him he needs to butch it up a bit.

Ahhh, the bullet hole tie

A little reminder for the hubby with the wandering eye?

Look like a beverage dispenser of sorts? yah. no.

I wanted to save the best for last. I don't know who you'd get THIS for...probably for some lawyer or corporate executive in the bunch. The guy who has it all. Or your new girlfriend? Nothing screams LOVE like A WORM COMPOSTING FACTORY!!! And then you can be all smug and environmental.

And a little something to carry around this season while you "buy" your gifts (wink wink) Keep those store detectives on their toes.

Again, just makin' the season easier for ya.

You're welcome

Monday, December 01, 2008

Sightseeing in NZ

I was gonna write something about these, but they kinda speak for themselves.