Sunday, August 30, 2009

"SHIT!-I'M-OLD" SUNDAYS

LAST WEEK'S ENTRY

STOP GOING SO FAST Little Oprah! Grammybitch can't go that fast in her sturdy shoes and walker!

Now. Let me tell you something Little O with your fancy schmancy Roller Knives. What? Oh, yah. Roller BLADES. WHATEVER! Now what was I saying? Oh yah, when I WAS YOUR AGE I rolled around on roller SKATES. yah. SKATES. Some of these SKATES looked like sneakers. And some looked like boots and had red wheels and the REALLY cool girls had pom poms on the tip of their white skates.


I never had pom poms on my skates.

I had THESE skates. Year after year after year.

And here's the problem with these skates little O....THEY WERE ADJUSTABLE. SO when your feet grew...you could ADJUST them and they would "grow" too.

DO you understand? Do you get what I'm saying?! YOU COULD NEVER GET RID OF THEM! And they clanked down the sidewalk. They were SO.SLOW. and the cool girl would blow past you on her little white skates with her little red wheels! HELL...even the half-wits who picked their NOSES would blow past you with their NORMAL skates.

And you had to wear your regular old sneakers WITH them. That's why they were "practical."

And your Great GrammyCrazyBitch wouldn't buy me new skates! EVER. And I couldn't pretend they didn't fit. CUZ THEY GREW WITH YOU.

SO you see how lucky you are? Thanks to modern day greed, NOTHING is made to grow with you anymore. You'll never have to grow up and spend thousands and thousands of dollars on fancy designer shoes because you were traumatized with the metal skates from kindergarten-12th grade.

You damn kids have it SO GOOD.

17 comments:

Mega8815 said...

Oh I remember these! Hehe!!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Roller knives? LOL!

I had adjustable skates and they always fell off. Just as you built up a head of steam and started moving, the thing would flop off one foot and trip you. I spent more time spinning the thing around my ankle by the single leather strap like a Footsie than actually skating.

Debbie said...

So the moral is "pay now or pay later"?

peewee said...

yes Debbie! YESSSSSS!!!

Kristina P. said...

I feel so much better about my life.

Kris said...

Aww peewee, even with your slow skates, I'll 'couples skate' with you, if you want, just so you're not by yourself.

I saw a preview for "Whip It" (the roller derby movie) and it looks awesome. Apparently there is a women's roller derby in San Diego, but I haven't checked it out yet.

NIKOL said...

I'm sorry you were skate pompom-less as a child. That's a tragedy. Also a tragedy? The new trend of celebrities wearing jumpsuits. It has nothing to do with skating. Just thought I'd put it out there.

2busy said...

I do believe I had a pair of those grow with you skates. When I got a bit older, my parents gave in and bought me sneaker skates. I've tried roller blading, but nothing beats roller skating

rychelle said...

my brother's girlfriend recently broke her wrist roller skating at a friend's 30th b-day party. just goes to show those things are not made for old people. ;)

and i had blue pom poms with bells. i was so cool, once upon a time.....

ymK said...

kids these days don't know how good they have.

Counselormama said...

I hated those metal skates! The problem with mine was that the wheels would get rust and other junk in them that basically stopped the wheels from turning. You basically had to walk around like Frankenstein cuz they wouldn't roll!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

And THEN? After this humilation of your younger years? You are told you have to wear grandma shoes? I'd sue someone. Even yoga couldn't calm me down.
Hey~ I had to rent my rollerskates a the rollerrink. How trashy.

peewee said...

Uh yah...I had to rent mine at the roller rink too! Big ole brown ones. AFTER I tried to take in my metal ones and was told they weren't allowed!

Wenbren Explains It All said...

hey me three! I had to rent big yucky smelly brown ones too!I just thought how disgusting that is all that sweat and odor!Ugh, but I did have fun though, yeah it was fun..

Kathy B! said...

I had those skates, too!

I think we must be women of a certain, ahem, age.

Maybe I should get some for my kids...

Lin said...

And do you remember how they would just randomly open up and your foot would fall out while you were skating??!! I'm lucky I'm alive after wearing those bad boys!

peewee said...

remember it? I have a knee scar to prove it!