Friday, August 21, 2009

Mudderella

I just got back from the dogpark. I need to explain something here. We go to this giant park. And I endlessly throw the ball for my dogs on the baseball field where the bums sleep under the bushes. There are ALL KINDS of crazy in this park. Especially at 6am. Which Includes but is not limited to hobo sex under the bushes, 90 yr old grannies JOGGING in skirts, various drug deals, people walking around talking to themselves, ne singing to themselves and the world, and Little old asian men doing tai-chi and chanting.


Well today beat ALL of that. I got to the baseball field and I see a guy with a tripod and I think he's a land surveyor or something (they've been doing construction everywhere) but no. That was a video camera. And I notice the guy is in his Jack Trippers (shorty shorts) and that he's hairy.

But no. He's not covered in hair. It's MUD. Annnnndddd, he starts jogging and I'm all well HE'S a messy jogger. But no. he doubles back around and THROWS himself into a huge mud puddle right in front of the camera.

okayyyyyyeeeee. I am frozen. Don't know what to do. Run away fast or act like this is all normal, nothing to see here. So I quickly walk away. as he gets up and slides into the mud belly down.

It FELT like a porno, only it was just him and he WAS wearing shorts, though once bathed in mud he did look naked. And I was like, this is some kind of fetish film, surely to end up on youtube later.

I couldn't stop watching. Apparenty Quintan Mudantino finished his um, film and walked his tripod and camera to his car. Was he gonna get into his car? ALL lubed up in mud?? This is riveting.

He puts his camera in his trunk, then WALKS BACK to the mud. I thought maybe he forgot something? But no. he throws himself belly down AGAIN sans filming.

Soooo, he LIKES it...HEY MIKEY! And THEN while belly down in the Pudddle O' Fun, he buries his FACE in the mud and moves his face side to side really gettin' in there. Much like Mick does after a long hard run. But he's well, you know, A DOG.

I am so grossed out I get a gag reflex. I mean, I freak out when Micks does this, because do you know what's in that mud? Squirrel poop. Dog pee. And various other fluids of questionable origin.

"Look away KK, just LOOK AWAY." But I couldn't. I was transfixed. Then he turns over on his back and wriggles around a bit and then gets up and saunters back to his car. AND THEN pulls out some clothing and puts his clothes on OVER his completely muddy self. And then drives away.

Huh. Now THAT's a whole lotta crazy before 6:30am.

Wonder what he's gonna call his film. When Harry Met Muddy? Mudaholic? The Usual Musdspects? Hannah Mudtannah? Extra Dirty Dancing? Sixteen Puddles?

Geez. The rest of my Friday is gonna be SO boring!






11 comments:

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

I am speechless (tough to do). On one hand, that's hilarious, but if I put myself in the part at 6:00 am witnessing it, the story becomes quite scary. Especially the Jack Tripper shorts. Who wears those? Ewww. Crime of fashion trumps crime of cleanliness, maybe.

rychelle said...

seriously, why do you even have an iphone if not to take pictures of the filming of 'especially dirty harry'?

Kristina P. said...

I really hope this is going to be in some major motion picture with Tom Cruise.

Kris said...

FETISH PORN.

There is some pretty freaky stuff out there on the web. Wait...now I just sound like I outed myself as a sexual deviant. Honestly, someone TRICKED me into clicking on a link of...its too horrible to mention. I SWEAR I NEVER would have clicked if I had known. Lesson learned...always right click on the link to find out where it takes you first.

I wish they made brain bleach. I still have nightmares.

peewee said...

HAHAH! Especially Dirty Hairy! HA! That was good. And I don't have my phone that early! Who'm I gonna call at 6AM? But yah, I may need to reconsider not taking my phone.

forever folding laundry said...

I love LA!!

That is some pretty crazy stuff, though, even for LaLaLand! :) I agree with Rychelle. Must start bringing your phone.

~Keri

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

I don't even know what to say....

2busy said...

What a freak! I would have been riveted, too. For a while I was thinking he wast trying to stage an "America's funniest Video", but then he went back...Who does that?

CynthiaK said...

Oh, you must have been on Just for Laughs Gags. Seriously. That could not have been for real. (do you have Just for Laughs Gags down in the US?!)

Yeah, I think I would have been completely transfixed by that scene. Mental!

Meg said...

I'm sorry I missed this. Next time, call me. I'm three hours ahead. Although, I might prefer a video of the guy making a video.

NIKOL said...

I remember this one time when a friend of mine Googled her own name and there was a link to a video, so she checked it out. The video linked to a film that was obviously meant for someone with a foot fetish or something, because it was just this woman who was working in an office, and her shoes hurt, so she took them off and rubbed her feet. But it was filmed all slow and stuff. Then she put on a different pair of shoes and sat there looking at them and flexing her foot for a while. The film made no sense (to someone without a foot fetish), but you still felt kind of dirty after watching.

Kris, are you still scarred from the Tub Girl incident? Me too, girl. Me, too.