Saturday, October 03, 2009

I'm Bringin' Sexy Back....if By Sexy you mean, THE CLAW

I have my TWENTIETH high school reunion tonight. Yah. You read that right. I know I know...UN-BUH-LIEVABLE! {shrugs shoulders, puzzled face} EVERYONE says I look 29...they SWEAR I am not a day over 30...but you know, my yoga vegan lifestyle....

We all know by now, my hair sitch. It's unmanageable by normal human hands. It needs HEAVY artillery. An Uzi sized flat iron. etc.

A pro-blow -out/flat iron at MY salon is $70 plus tip, so like $85. Now, I would LOVE to afford that every week. Or, ever. I'll pay top dollar for the cut and color, but the flattening? I'd rather put that $$$ towards new shoes.

AND yet...I REALLY didn't wanna attempt my own hair today. I want to show those high school BE-YOTCHES (went to all girls school) who can rock the straight hair. Who?! Ummmm, so I decided to call, gulp, Fantastic Sam's. I haven't been there since my mom tried to cheap out on me in 8th grade when I got a "perm." Uh, it was a disaster.

I think "how bad can it be? it's not a cut. Worse case I go home and wash it out. And hey! $23.95!! How have I not done this sooner" And look at me being all frugal and sensible (is that how you spell those words?) The man on the phone said "ask for Tina."

yyyyahhhhh. I shoulda known when I walked in and I was greeted by an old russian granny with BRIGHT red hair and oh! The painted on eyebrows on her! "Hi. Ummm, I have an apt. with Tina?"

"yes yes! I am Tina!" Of course you are.

Now what? Run and bolt??? My heart was pounding. Okayyyyyeeee. MAYBE, just MAYBE she knows how to flatten hair?? Maybe? please?

"what you want darling?"

What I said: "STRAIGHT! VERY STRAIGHT! NO CURL." Yes I was yelling. That's what you do when people don't speak english good. I needed to hit that point home.


Guess I didn't yell loud enough.

"ummm, Tina? aren't you gonna FLAT IRON IT? Where's the flat iron? Is it heating somewhere?"

"oh. no no no. we no have flat iron! only blow dry. your hair is like PERM! Too hard to straighten, Is all I can do."

"BUT I called ! I ASKED for a flat iron! And that man said. HE SAID you did! HE SAID!!!"

"no no no. we no have flat iron"

A fight with the russian an ensued. There was screaming. He screamed at me. Refused to validate my parking. Wanted me to pay $35! THIRTY FIVE!!

I was all "HAY-ELL NO! You're lucky I'm willing to pay the $23.95"

And he was all "YOUR HAIR HAS PROBLEM!"

And I was all "I KNOW! That's why I came here"

Words were exchanged and I paid the $23.95 and bolted home. I was SUPPOSED to go get my make-up done and mani/pedi. But I was too horrified to go anywhere with my, um, DO.

Think I'm exaggerating??

God...those other ladies will be J.E.A.L.O.U.S.


2busy said...

You are gorgeous dahling...Enjoy your reunion.

kyslp said...

Class of '89 is so fine. (That was our motto - weren't we adorable?)

Never go to Fantastic Sams - not even to ask for directions. They will eff you up everytime. No flat iron? In 2009? You are still hawter than Kate Jackson anyday.

Have fun at your reunion! (Mine is next weekend and I'm not going.)

Kristina P. said...

I have mentioned how old you are lately? Seriously, I think I was about -24 when you were born.

And your hair looks awesome. Why not rock the curls?

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Did you learn nothing from my bad Fantastic Sams experience?! Although the one I went to did have a flat iron. That's just odd...

But you're fabulous no matter what. Those beyotches WILL be jealous.

Can't wait to hear your full reunion report. ;o)

Cookie said...

I haven't been to a reunion yet. My high school is in PA and I'm in Seattle now. For some reason they never want to meet up out here. Go figure.. Hope you had fun! And took some embarassing pictures to share ;)

Jillybean said...

I think your hair looks cute. I'm one of those people with naturally straight hair that has spent most of my life trying to get it to curl.
We took our son to Fantastic Sam's for his first haircut. I asked the hairdresser to put some of his hair in an envelope for his scrapbook. She looked at me strangely then took maybe 10 strands of hair and put it in the envelope. I would have picked up more off the floor, but they hadn't swept very well and I couldn't tell which hair was his.

forever folding laundry said...

You know, don't you, that us straight-haired girls would do anything for a little curl. I agree with KP: do those curls proud.

Have fun at your reunion!


Counselormama said...

I was laughing through this whole post, and your hair looks fine, it looks like you could work with it, right? Have fun, I had a blast at my reunion last year!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

You look nice. It's not what you wanted, but you can make it work with a great outfit. Just stay away from maroon Panther (remember that polyester pantsuit brand?)suits with a cream colored ribbed turtleneck and you won't look like
Pepper Anderson. Have fun!

dede said...

ok - read this about 4 times and I think you have totally cleared my sinuses - you are SO funny! After reading this and your facebook I am thinking that maybe it wasn't wise to put the $85 towards your 4 inch heels - but I am proud of you for trying out frugality!

I think a steam bath and one more reading before I go to bed is what the doctor ordered!


Mayhem and Moxie said...

There is so much I want to say that I am not even sure where to start...

1) I just read your haircut post. How did I not know this had happened? Although I realize you are suffering, it is freaking hilarious.

2) It is now Monday morning. Why has there not been a reunion recap yet? Are you trying to edit the video down to a short 15 minutes of highlights?

3)Are you sure that Tina is Russian? She sounds more Asian to me.


rychelle said...

i'm so sorry to hear that this downturn in the economy has hit you so hard. maybe obama will read this and initiate a hair bailout rebate.......

Annie Miller said...

I almost had that bad of experience not too long ago and I paid $85! Don't feel too sorry for you. You need to find someone to do a "Chi" on you. It's a funky chemical process that straightens your hair. They're probably a total rip off in LA though.'re hair wasn't THAT bad and I LOVE the color :) You definately should have finished your salon day for sure :)

peewee said...

Don't worry people....I flat ironed it myself. Could never get those bangs to deflate like I wanted. But people were distracted by my 4 inch height growth (heels) as to not notice that semi-claw.

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean when you have a certain idea in your head and someone has to blotch it! Your hair did not look bad at all though...M hair is straight and I straighten even more, I get haircuts that go with super straight hair and I'm currently in the process of buying a flat iron, I only buy hair salon ones they special order them for me and they do the job! Anyways I know I need to post I've been stressed with looking for a new job I might do a mini post:)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I don't know...roll your pants, wear an E.N.U.F sweater and your mocs and you will be just fine. Perfectly fine...

Kris said...

I actually think your hair looks really cute!

Class of 89 huh? Did you wear your acid wash Bon Jovi jean jacket for old times?

J said...


peewee said...

Yes. BLACK acid wash.

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