"SHIT!-I'M-OLD" SUNDAYS (so old that I forget it's sunday 'till monday)

Now come on over here little Oprah. Show GrammyBitch your Halloween costume! Ah...I remember my first costu....

ACK! Wha...wha...WHAT the sam hell are you wearin'? I don't even know what you're supposed to be young lady, but alls I DO know is that THAT is no lady!! What did you say? You're a Vampire Stripper Cheerleader??? ACK!

I tell you what Little O, back in MY day we didn't look like no Vampy Ho. Back in MY day things were simpler. You went to the grocery store and bought a BOX.




(oh! to be Boss Hog again!)

And they were all stacked high in the store and we waited and waited until they came out and then we RAN to get our most treasured costume. AND in that box was ONE plastic mask and string with big holes so we could see how to steal candy from the younger kids. AND one big plastic smock/suit that you just put on all simple and easy like.



Now, you HAD to get to the store FIRST THING so you could get the GOOD stuff. The best part little O? Was that you could pick ANY costume, boy or girl, as long as it was IN. And as you know, GrammyBitch was ALWAYS IN.





You didn't wanna be the kid who got their costume too late and had to pick from the "leftovers"....

Like you WANTED to be Donny or Marie Osmond, but then got stuck with


You wanted Scooby or even Shaggy....but...


Or worse yet, getting stuck with a GAME piece as a costume.


Getting the B list stars was pretty pathetic too. Oh the poor soul who had to be Nicholas Bradford :(


Guess they ran out of "gopher"


Or this...

I guess maybe getting the "horseshack" costume coulda been worse....nah...this one is worse.

Now for the kids that got to the store like, the day before halloween were in REAL trouble...


I mean who even wanted to be The guy from the Electric Company? tragic. just tragic.


And last but not least, I'm not sure WHO bought this one for their little boy.


NOT that there's ANYTHING wrong with being a gay biker.

Now, of COURSE GrammyBitch never had a costume faux-pas.

(see my finger in my mouth? I actually REMEMBER testing out the mouth hole to see if candy would fit through there. Some things never change)

Little O, do you see how back in my day we also gave out HOMEMADE treats? Caramel apples! popcorn balls! cookies! The loser houses gave out SINGLE unwrapped marshmallows, whole apples, and pennies taped to a piece of scotch tape and hard candy leftover from last year's Christmas or raisins. Sigh. The good ole days before the razor scare of the 80's.

Sure, our costumes never made it past house #5, but STILL, we had it good. OH so good.

Now remember Little O, GrammyBitch gets to "inspect" your candy, and take out all the um, stuff that's suspicious.