Monday, September 29, 2008

kids say the darndest things!

My friends house, last night.

CHARACTERS PRESENT: : My friend, we'll call her Fraula, and her husband, phill, and her sister, carmin, and me. And Phill's mom and dad.

PHILL'S MOM (midstory)...and then there I was, on the toilet, minding my own business and here comes CRAWLING TOWARD me a SPIDER! And I lifted my feet and didn't know WHAT to do and it was stll crawlin' towards me closer to the toilet and I jumped off that toilet so fast I dont' even think I wiped....

PHILL: GEEZ MOM! That was just a little spider, ad you're like TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY POUNDS!

FRAULA, CARMIN, and I waited a beat, testing the reactions, and proceeded to laugh so hard we were crying, and I was literally about to pee my pants, had to excuse myself to the bathroom.

Phil's mom pretended not to hear that, or didn't care.

But I'm going to bet that she went home quietly with her husband, excused herself to her bedroom, where she gently pulled her special jewelry box out from under her bed, Her special box that held all her children's baby pictures, her grandmothers wedding ring, children's birth certificates, and homemade birthday cards, written by loving adoring kindergarten hands, edges brown with age. And other such valuables, among them her last will and testament. She carefully unfolded it, and with a slight l smile to her lips, pulled out a ball point pen and scratched out Phil's name slowly at first, and then so fast and hard that it ripped right through the page. She kept going and going until the ball point of the pen was pushed so deep back that it no longer worked. She then gently folded it up, put it back in the box, and started laughing maniacally, almost drunk with power.

That's what I think happened. And when I am old with children, I will make them read this particular blog entry. just as a reminder.

6 comments:

carin davis said...

I am laughing again...crying, sides aching just like I was last night!

oh- I mean, wow that must of been hilarious- whoever Phil, Fraula and Carmen are....

Poor Phil, off the will and non the wiser!

dede said...

non the wiser for sure! Thanks for documenting the evening in writing, as it is one I never want to forget!

Annie Miller said...

I don't get "Fraula". Please explain it to the guilible one.That's one hell of us story.

peewee said...

Fraula shall remain anonymous until she reveals herself :)

dede said...

annie - ask mike - he will be able to explain it to you - love, fraula - I mean anonymous!!

Connie said...

I knew I'd be missing the best part when I left.