Friday, June 26, 2009

Job interview tips!

"There is no I in TEAM....But there is a ME"-Ellen Degeneres

UGH! I have "The View" on for background noise. That show irritates me, and yet, keeps me up on the news. Elizabeth Hasselback....I THROW BLUE JELLO AT YOU!

Anyway they are having a segment on "jobs" and where to find them and then the something something from Walmart comes on and they ask her "what are you looking for?" And she was like "ENTHUSIASM!! MOTIVATION!! CREATIVITY!!"

uhhhhh boy. It is SUCH a good thing I don't need to look for a job, because I haven't had "enthusiasm" in my vocabulary since my 20's, and even then I was faking it.

This brought to memory all the "interviews" I've had and all of the hundreds of times I said "I LOVE working with PEOPLE!" hahahahha. There is no one who loves working people LESS than me. "Team player" makes me shudder. The only sport I played, ever, was Tennis. Because being on the 'tennis team' did NOT involve working with others.

Which is why I have never had a resume, or a real job interview since '89. All the jobs I've had were from word of mouth or just "you're hired." (they were desperate)

I feel for people having to go through that process again. Seriously. If you have to go through a Job interview, write me and bitch to me because I will laugh and make fun of the person who did the interviewing and hey, it's better than crying over a gallon on Jamoca Almond fudge! (well, the crying part....the jamoca almond fudge part is AWESOME) (even if you DON'T NEED A JOB!)

I especially loved when I used to whine to my mom in college how broke I was (hint hint) and couldn't find a job (no one could see my winning personality!) And she would UNSYMPATHETICALLY say "well, then you should get a job at McDonald's. What? you think you're too good for McDonalds? Well then I guess you'll just have to starve then!"

And you wonder why I've grown into the cold hearted surly bitch that you know and love!

I just wasn't born to do actual work. It was all spelled out for me when my second grade teacher, Sister Nancy Jean, wrote on my report card "does not work well with others" and "talks too much." Which is why i am such an awesome yoga teacher!! See? those grade school teachers know their stuff!!

19 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I am an awesome job interviewer, of course. I use a little marketing tool called "naked breasts."

E @ Scottsville said...

Okay, I just stopped by cuz I saw your Nellie Oleson photo as your profile photo on someone's comment form. TOO FUNNY!

So anyway, I got here and enjoyed all the photos in your sidebars. It was like a trip down memory lane! =0)

Erica

NIKOL said...

The lie I always use in interviews is that "I'd really like a job that keeps me busy - I love being productive." I think I said that to every interviewer who asked me what I was looking for in a job. The truth is that I love a job that allows me to play on the internet all day. In many ways, my career is everything I want it to be.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Resumes and job interviews are the only socially excepted forms of lying. The hiring manager is lying to the applicant about how awesome the company is and the applicant is lying to the hiring manager about how much they love to work. Jobs should be assigned by a lottery among the applicants. I bet there would be a better rate of success in choosing the right candidate. Bitter much? No I just work in the real world and I know how it works. It's who you know. If you don't know anyone, it's who has the best interview chemistry (outside of the actual answers given) with the interviewer.

Sorry for the tangent. Work sucks, but unemployment sucks more.

rychelle said...

i don't think i've ever seen an enthusiastic, motivated or creative employee at walmart. EVER.

Kris said...

Dude, a big part of my job is interviewing/hiring people for my company. Sometimes it is as painful for the interviewER as it is for the interviewEE. I've seen/heard a lot of crazy stuff in my time. One time a guy went into a full on 40 min. description about the various types of helicopters, the rate of rotation on the blades. He even diagrammed it on the white board. For an admin/office job. Where we have nothing remotely to do with helicopters or anything related to them. I think the question we had asked was...describe your level of experience with Excel.

At the end of the day though, I really do love offering people jobs. Its really cool when they get all excited and giddy.

peewee said...

rychelle...YAH! HAHAHAHHA!

Kris...I feel for you...I really do. Except....the power!!! OH THE POWER!!!!

Meg said...

I'm curious to know what job at Walmart requires either motivation or creativity. Really, I am. Or enthusiasm.

Counselormama said...

This was funny, I've had so many interviews in my life. One time, I had an interview and none of the interviewers even looked up one time while I was talking. ugh!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh, I am sooo not a team player. Probably because I like to do things my way and when people disagree with me, I secretly think they're mildly retarded. Okay, not so secretly.

seriously? said...

Hmmmm, I would gather from this post that the team building exercises that many offices make their employees participate in would send you over the edge?? OMG..I hate those things.

As for your new "interest" in the tv shows I found??? I LOVE that you want to see it. It was on Monday or Tues nights on Discovery Health or TLC. Not a lot of help but, I am sure you will find it. When you do, let me know so we can laugh at these people together...

Counselormama said...

I am so sorry, Peewee! I will post one next Friday, I'm all thrown off with summer and all, ha ha ha

dede said...

I am glad you were smart enough to call your dad with the "broke" speach - and to set the record straight...YOU ARE NOT TOO GOOD FOR MCDONALDS! Tell your mom we went EVERY monday for the 99 cent Big Macs!

I once told American Express, during an interview, that I wasn't much of a team player - only job I didn't get, huh?!

Debbie said...

I haven't interviewed in so long. I would be lost.

Kathy B! said...

See, I knew my little jello throwing incident would benefit the world in some capacity! A blue Elizabeth Hasselcrack is definitely an improvement over the regular one :)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Yes, we do, don't we!?! Hey, my sis is NOT a people person either. I'd love to see you both together.

oh, and I am working up a Yoga post for this week. K if I link to you?

Kim said...

What are your weaknesses?

Umm, I guess I would have to say that I'm a perfectionist. And I'm a workaholic.

Wenbren Explains It All said...

Interviews suck, I'm sure the interviewer knows that people will tell them what they want to hear right? yeah yeah like "I'm a team player, work well with others, I am willing to be flexible with my schedule" umm yeah right...just hire me dammit.

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