Wednesday, June 17, 2009

When Good Flights Go bad....OR...When they don't go at all.

I'm stuck in LA. Which, isn't SO bad. But this is the first time I have EVER been actually bumped off my flight...where I DID NOT in fact volunteer.

In the name of getting a free flight, I have been "bumped off" a few flights, or so that's what my job was meant to believe. This time however, I didn't even WANT a free ghetto flight on stupid United Airlines. So for real I was bumped off...WITH NO WARNING. The guy was literally PRETENDING to print my boarding pass at the gate and frowning at the printer when they CLOSED.THE.GATE.

There were like 8 of us who were "waiting for seat assignments" (wink wink)

And then all of a sudden the doors shut and that robo-girl-voice says "flight blah blah blah to Kenendy is set for take-off!"

8 people simultaneously went "what? huh? what?"

We had NO IDEA. They didn't even do a call for volunteers????

I was too stunned to even get all riled up ranting about my "rights" and "My job tomorrow" (heh heh..."job!") (though I for real was supposed to work 2 classes tomorrow) But ONE guy was more stunned than I.

****WARNING*****RATED R FOR LANGUAGE*****

(I can't even type in caps big enough)

HIM: WHAT? WHAT YOU MEAN I AIN'T GETTIN' ON THIS PLANE!? I PAID FOR THSI PLANE! I AM GETTIN' ON THIS PLANE!

WHY THOSE DORRS SHUT? I AM NOT ON THE PLANE! WHY THOSE DOORS SHUT! O-PEN THEM UP!

WHAT THE F*CK! HOW YOU GONNA TELL ME I'M NOT GETTIN' ON THIS PLANE?! WHY THEM OTHER PEOPLE ON THIS PLANE AN' NOT ME!?!

(I felt bad for the guy. I was THINKING all those things.)

THEM: Sir. calm down. sir. we'll get to you. calm down.

HIM: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!
(Telling someone in a freak out to calm down never really works, does it.)

THIS IS F*CKIN' BULLSHIT!
THIS SHIT IS F*CKED UP!

THEM: (ignoring him, and typing on their little keyboards making us believe they're DOING something)

HIM: HEY! HEY YOU! DON'T PRETEND I AINT HERE. YOU! FAT BITCH. YAH! I'm TALKIN' TO YOU

HER: SECURITY!

Security comes....4 cops!

The lesson? DO NOT ever...EVER call a woman "FAT"

The funny part was when they told me I could NOT get a taxi voucher back to my HOME but they would "put me up" at a "hotel" and I was all WHAT hotel? and they were all "La Quinta Airport Inn." Yah. INNS are NOT Hotels. Unless you are touring the Swiss Alps, INNS are MOTELS.

Well, it's kinda sorta nice having a free night at home. Even if I DO have to take YET ANOTHER cab to the airport in the morning. They offered me a "super shuttle" voucher! HA! I'm sure. I Paid my super shuttle dues in my twenties dude. NO WAY. They pick you up at like 4:30 AM for an 8 AM flight. Way to go United! La Quinta Inn and a Super shuttle ride! And who says the airlines don't offer bells and whistles anymore?! WHO!?

16 comments:

Kristina P. said...

La Qinta Inn?! What the hell kind of hotel is that?! Mario Lopez probably stays there.

peewee said...

TRUE DAT KP!

Counselormama said...

OMG!!! That is really unprofessional. That poor man was just speaking for the rest of you. I wonder what kind of free stuff he got? A free ride out the door? This is a good story!

forever folding laundry said...

Ugh. I am SO OVER United Airlines. They stink.

But let that be a lesson to that guy. No good can ever come from uttering that 'f-word'.

~Keri

the letters i wish i'd written said...

super shuttle voucher and a la quinta inn? sounds like a date i once went on....

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

That's a lot of hassle for the privledge of sitting on a plane for 6 hours. I do however, agree with the irom bracelets for the 'F' word (fat, that is).

Meg said...

I was coming back from California last year. My flight was cancelled. Delta was putting people up in hotels overnight. By the time they got to me, all that was left was a Red Roof Inn. In the hood. In Atlanta. The first room they assigned me to was already occupied. As in...there were people in there. They weren't asleep. Because they were watching porn and getting high. Thankfully they bolted the door. I didn't get to the "hotel" until almost 2 AM. By the time they gave a room that was empty, I got literally one hour of sleep.

All I got was a $7 voucher that wasn't enough to cover a bagel and coffee at Dunkin'. No free flight. Did I mention that I was so sunburned that I had to wear my swimsuit top? Couldn't wear a bra because it hurt too much. I made up a sob story that I was pregnant and had a doctor's appointment the next day that I couldn't miss.

And that, my friends, is why I will never ever fly with Delta again. Ever.

peewee said...

oh meg, meg, meg....I think SOMEone needs to re-read my positivity post. Perhaps If YOU had found 6 positive things about your experience, you mighta made some new friends at that red roof "inn"

dede said...

wish you were bumped off here instead!

This post reminded me of why we had to take it easy on the bowling thing...the kids were wanting to go everyday. One day on the way home Cameron said, "I wish they would build a motel over a bowling alley, then we could live in the motel and bowl everyday. That would be the best life ever."
the next day we went to the museum!

Kathy B! said...

The nice thing about all this is you had that wonderfully generous man saying all the things you were thinking... all the glory without the pain of getting manhandled by the police :)

There.

That's on positive things. Five more on the way.... Just give me a minute to think of them.

rychelle said...

just try to make it back to nyc before july 16, k?

Kris said...

I love how the staff was okay with the f-bombs, but they draw the line at being called fat. That. Is. Awesome. I only wish he threw out some 'yo mama' insults.

And United totally does suck, cause they don't even offer snacks or a movie on cross-country flights.

Dads(2) said...

Wow, and I thought I had bad travel Karma . . . . icky, icky, icky!

carin davis said...

That almost makes you want to drive across the country listening to Twilight again :)

peewee said...

Carin...HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!

Megan said...

What a fun experience. Don't you wish you could do that every day? haha!