Tuesday, July 14, 2009

City Slipper

I have been put on "NO ACTIVITY" house arrest. SO I have been sitting in my apt with my foot elevated popping pills and cheese puffs!

I know the ENTIRE TV line-up from 8AM to Midnight. 2pm is a VERY dead hour in cable land. So I've been blowing through books.
The highlight of my days are chinese delivery and when my mom calls my cell and I don't answer and this is what she says on voicemail:
"Hi Honey! Are you there?............................Pick up if you're there!....................................................Okay! I guess you're not there..Call me!" This cracks me up. She still calls her cell "the car phone." I wonder at what point I'll be doing crazy old lady stuff like that?

Um, did you know that on the west inferior coast we don't have TWO very necessary items.
1. PUFFY cheese puffs. We have Cheetos cheese puffs, but they're skinny. The ones here are the original cheetos FAT cheese puffs. I have no idea why they make them skinnier on the west, but IT'S LAME! Suffice it to say that my keyboard has a not-so-mysterious orange tint to it.
2. Wonder bread! And I'm sorry, I know wonder bread is barely even food, but egg salad, bologna and peanut butter & Jelly (not all together) BELONG on wonder bread! And they don't sell it in CA anymore! I know! RIght?! But they have it here! And boy oh boy have I made the most of this rarity!

Basically I have reverted to 8yrs old here in NY during my "recovery" (Hi workers comp people! I am WAY in pain!!)

When you are homebound you discover TV shows that you would otherwise never watch. I highly recommend that if you're gonna slip on the stairs at work, that you do so for Fall Network Sweeps. I am now hooked on "18 kids and counting." has anyone seen this show? I.LOVE.IT. It's so freaky, and yet, so so, I don't even know. The dad's name is Jim Bob...need I say more? Between TLC and Bravo, I am learning all I need to know about life.

People keep calling me asking if I need anything, like groceries. I mean, the answer is YES. But can you just IMAGINE the list I would have? Yah. You don't HAVE to imagine it. See paragraphs 1 through 3. That is why I believe that EVERY single daytime commercial is for The Jitterbug phone, Larry H Parker accident attorney, and lap band surgery. Man, do they know their old, fat, "medically" unemployed audience. ( oh and also cash4gold commercials. For those of us fat old unemployed people who cross the line into pure desperation and go stealing from grandma's jewelry box)
Hostess is missing a real ad campaign op here.

ooooh...NEW episode of Tori & Dean on! My Guests are gonna have SO.MUCH.FUN here!!!


Kristina P. said...

No wonder you've had an hour to read blogs! You're an invalid!

Kathy B! said...

I don't think the rest of the world is ready for you yet. Or maybe come stay with me and my wild herd of kids and deranged nature incidents on the way back to Cali. When you're healed of course.

I might even buy you WonderBread.

forever folding laundry said...

All right, I'm a little creeped out right now. Because I am WATCHING "18 Kids and Counting", and then you blogged about it. And, a few months back, I was WATCHING "What Not to Wear" with Blossom, and then you blogged about it. It's almost like you're peeking into my mind or something. Stop it!!!!

And since you're watching educational TV, you're definitely watching Big Brother, right? That's a summer must-watch!


carin davis said...

Dede and I should come and SHE can make potato rolls, rice crispy treats, bean burritos (on tortillas NOT shredded wheat) and I will be there for moral support!

carin davis said...

p.s. Does NY have Wonder Outlets like good ol' UT!?

seriously? said...

Keep working those meds. and watching the wonderful shows that are on during the day!! I will live vicariously through you as you recover. Hope you are up and around soon!!

Counselormama said...

They really still have Wonderbread there? Wow, I wonder what else I am missing out on here in Cali!

3 Bay B Chicks said...

As a representative of the inferior west coast, I am making it my top priority to go in search of Wonder Bread and cheesy puffs in all of my local grocery stores. My belief is that it is lame southern CA that does not carry these staples.

I am super glad that I read this post. I now know what we will be eating when you visit me someday.

Your BBF,


(I want you to know that you are the third person to refer to me with this name in my life. Such a name is reserved for very special people.)

Oh, and where the hell is my prize from Keri's contest? Off to investigate.

Kris said...

I think that the chemical combination of pain meds and wonder bread actually counts as a well balanced meal when you are injured.

NIKOL said...

They stopped selling Wonder bread here in CA? I had no idea. Of course, I don't really eat Wonder bread. But I like having options.

I'm weirdly fascinated with the Duggar family. They're just so crazy and wholesome. Except for that one cousin who obviously LOVES being on TV. Did you watch when the oldest Duggar son got married? That was some awesome television right there. But I agree, most of summer programming is awful. You need Netflix so you can watch some Flight of the Conchords.

rychelle said...

cheese puffs and wonder bread = two of my favorite things!

please stock the pantry before my arrival. TOMORROW!

dede said...

no wonder we were such good roomies - you picked the 3 perfect things for wonder bread (I will be a better hostess and have it for you next time you are here!)

As for the tv, I expect a call around 2 - you will be bored, I will be home and we need to talk about K and R before their arrival!

I think the 18 kids mom is awesome - if I could get my kids to work like that (or at all) maybe I could handle a few more - but as it stands, Chase is right here telling me he is going to start crying because we don't have milk (I love how he is to mature to actually cry - he just tells me about it!!) So, off to Sams Club (maybe I will buy your wonder bread now, I think it lasts for like a year!)...

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

I am sure that you are bored, but at least you haven't turned to the home shopping network. Once you turn on HSN, things have gotten "serious".

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

How can they not sell Wonder Bread in California?! Isn't that against the law or something? And I'm totally fascinated by 18 kids and counting...how does she do it?! And still sound so calm and sweet. I'd be the lunatic mom in the corner talking to myself and eating all the chocolate in the house. Oh wait, I already am....