Monday, July 13, 2009

New York Guide for Tourists....Packing 101:The essentials!

I have a LOT of friends scheduled to come visit me in the next few coming weeks. I can't help that wherever I go? THEY FOLLOW. It's not EVEN because I'm in NYC and they're using me for a free place to stay. It's like, I could be in a cabin in the ozarks and STILL they'd be booking flights.


And being the world traveler savvy self that I am, I just wanted to make sure my friends come well equipped for a big city such as this.

SO, here are some things you MUST not forget to pack when coming to the Big Apple.



First off, we have a LOT of cockroaches here. It can be VERY ANNOYING. So, it's good if you can remember to pack your RoachSwatterSlippers, or as we call them 'Roach-flops'. Coach just came out with some awesome leather ones for summer....you can get them online. Just click on Coach Roach Summer '09!

And then we also drink LOTS of coffee here. AND, for me anyway, I'm ALWAYS running into fans and celebs and whatnot. SO def bring your pole cup holders. Because you just never know when you're gonna need to answer your phone or, for my tourist friends, pull out a map (but don't do that in front of me, k?)(seriously)(I will point and laugh at you and pretend to have never met you if you pull out a map)( I might even kick you and run away)


There's ALSO a LOT of waiting around for cabs and subways and stuff. Also it's crowded here! Mostly there's never even a place to sit at Starbucks! SO for SURE don't forget your Seat-a-round! (brought to you by the makers of hov-a-round) And seriously, if you don't already own one, GET ONE because they work ANYwhere! Even when it's all crowded on the streets and you just get tired! hello! Now, you can just have a seat!



And speaking of being exhausted! We walk a lot in this town! SO you need to pack your Subway Hat, for when you fall asleep on the subway. It lets people know you're not a slumped over drunk! (and even if you ARE drunk...people won't know if you have your subway hat) If you forget to pack it, that's cool, because they have them here with the Yankees Logo or Les Mis or I HEART NY. SO CUTE!


And, as you know, you HAVE to protect yourself from disaster here in NY. Whether it be swine flu or WMD's or Bio-terrorist attacks...you HAVE to be prepared....BUT you can't be all house-frau weirdo either! At least not around ME! You have to be protected AND wear some bling! because if there IS a disaster...you don't wan't people LAUGHING at you! SO, Gucci, and Louis Vuitton and Prada have Saved us ALL! And don't worry if you're on a budget....they sell knock-offs on the corner.


And finally, If you're a dude coming to visit me...or a butch lesbian, bring your WALLET TIE! Wallet Ties are the new Man-Purse, only you don't have to be called a Nellie or a Mary anymore!! (except for the lesbo girls, people will still call u butch...oh well, what do you do)


That should do it for essential items....but also bring LOTS of cash, so your hostess doesn't have to pay for anything!

can't WAIT to see everyone!!!

XOXO

13 comments:

rychelle said...

so, let me get this straight.....you'll laugh and point if i pull out a map, but not if i wear a seat-a-round?!? fair enough.

can't wait to see you IN THREE DAYS!

Hillbilly Duhn said...

I had a very witty comment. But I laughed out loud and it left.

I want me a seat a round. those look like fun!!

What about married woman who are bisexual and have a fanny pack filled with maps, crazy glue and mace? Would you laugh at them?

Or bearded guys with large tattoo's that scare people, and they laugh really loud and are toothless, but are wearing a seat a round, would you laugh at them?

Just curious.

Kristina P. said...

I'm pretty sure my Snuggie can take the place of 4 of those products.

And yeah, I actually don't even want to talk to you at all while I'm there. Give me a couch, and I'm good to go.

dede said...

3 days - I'm getting jealous!

when do you head back home??

peewee said...

I am leaving the end of July...should be in utah by aug 1? 2? Something like that! Yippeeeee! I miss the west coast!

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Clearly I'm not cool enough to come visit you in NY with all those fancy gadgets. Maybe someday....

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Those are great and as odd as they are, in terms of NY, some are strangely practical. I am SO getting a pole cupholder.

forever folding laundry said...

Brilliant! These are the best products ever. I can't believe I don't own that large pink turtle shell. I can totally picture myself wearing that to all the boys' soccer games. How convenient and not at all cumbersome!

And love that tie. So great that the man in my life can now carry his pair of mini scissors wherever he goes.

As always, you are a wealth of great info!!

~Keri

Kathy B! said...

How about I leave my goodies at home and you swing by my place to instead and have a little looksie around :)

There's no way I'd be able to get all that crap, I mean stuff, in my suitcase anyways... So you have no choice!!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I'm in. I am off to order now and then get my plane ticket.

Keyona said...

Holy crap that was funny! Your blog is AWESOME!!

Millennium Housewife said...

Do we have to pack all of these? Will you pay my excess baggage?

Sapphire said...

ROFL @ the seat around. WTH?