life in the fast lane...

I have eaten pizza every.single.night this week. AND I'm not even sick of it.

This thrills my dogs to no end because the only people food they ever get is pizza crust. SO whenever there's pizza in the house, maggie and mick sit to full attention. 

I finally came out of my road trip recovery and went shopping today. I got these...

I debated if they were too "young" for me. But my friend convinced me they weren't. Though she IS my same age....sooooo....dunno if I can trust that one.

Then I followed up my shopping day with a spa afternoon. I had a Mani/pedi/massage/waxed stuff. I teach class again tomorrow night. I need to at least LOOK the part. Especially since I haven't set foot in a yoga class since I was last here. I'm building to that...after I stop eating pizza. I'm sure it'll be ANY day now.

Tomorrow should be awesome as it won't be 5 million degrees. Okay. it was 90 today. But 90 new york degrees with the humidity factor is like 150 california degrees.

Am watching idol right now. Danny Gokey is cute and all blah blah....but as far as I see it, he's just another Taylor Hicks. And we all know how THAT turned out. I just don't see a record album in his future. Ever since clay Aiken it's been downhill. (HAHHA) (kinda)

yah. I'm in NY watching Idol. BUT I'm eating NY pizza whilst I'm watching it! I am ALL NEW YORK and stuff.

A new york state of mind...

I am here! And guess what else is here?? 

SWINE FLU! great. Now every time I cough or sneeze I'll be running to the emergency room.  

It took me until today to recover from that drive from He-double L. (look at me not swearing!) I can tell you that I will NOT be driving back.  I don't know how I will get back, but I am just too old/wimpy to do that again. No matter HOW many Twilight Cd's I have. (I noticed I lost a few readers over my Bella comment. But come on guys, that girl makes the disney princesses look like butch lesbian feminist bikers)(no offense to my butch lesbian biker readers!)(welllll, actually yah...can you do something about the haircuts and, erm, fashion?? I mean really, just cuz you go for women, doesn't mean you gotta sport a mullet and overalls. Lots of men buy Armani! Dolce & Gabana...Banana Republic even!)(just a suggestion)

AND while I'm suggesting things...here's what you DON'T say to your greying friends...

ME: hey! Can you believe how gray I'm getting!? It's freaking me out. So I gotta go blonde or something so it blends.

HER: I don't see any gray!

ME: (pulling back front piece) SEE

HER: OH.MY.GOD. How did that happen? (making grimacing face)

See, THAT is what NOT to say. No matter HOW grey someone is SAYING they are.

Here are some suggestions as to not get socked in the face...

1.oh pshaw, whatever...You're being crazy! I wouldn't even NOTICE that if you didn't point it out

2...and even then you can BARELY see it! 

3.I mean, going blonde or getting highlights would look GREAT on you...but not because you're grey!

4. Hey...let's get some ice cream!

There you  go. SOOOO easy. 

On another note...there is this new trendy, shall I say shoe? It's ALL OVER NY. And it is quite possibly the ugliest thing i have EVER seen. I like to call it the boot flip flop, or the boot sandal, or just UGLY ASS SHOE.

I like to be fashion forward and all...but if you have these? Just don't. Don't HAVE these. They're so so wrong. I mean what? It's hot out so you wanna keep your ankles warm?

I think designers are bored, so they're all I KNOW what hasn't been done yet! It's a boot. It's a sandal. It's the new bandal!

Oh yah. one more thing I've observed is trendy...wearing backless dresses...WITH A REGULAR BRA ON. Hot. Trashy is the new black.


So that's what's goin' on so far here. I'll keep you abreast of more NYC trends.

We're not in kansas Anymore

I'm at ANOTHER econo-lodge. My quality of life has drastically gone downhill in the last few days. There's a taco bell right outside my window. Normally this would excite me to no end. But here? It terrifies me.  At least it's not a KFC. Now THAT would be low rent! I'd go someplace better but NO ONE takes dogs! Except these people. 

I'm somewhere in Illinois. I went across 70 instead of 80. I may or may not have speeding tickets in Iowa and/or Illinois. SO I skipped Iowa all together and am probably wanted here in Il. Well, that's EXACTLY how I feel in this place. Like a criminal on he run. SO I took the best route that barely goes through said banned states.

If you don't hear from me for the next few days I may be in the Pokey. Well, let's HOPE you don't hear from me, cuz if you DO hear from me then it will be for bail money. So maybe stay away from the phone tomorrow.

Here are a few points about this road trip...

-all the way down 70 through Kansas were "arguing" billboards. They went like so...

JESUS SAVES!

ADULT XXX SALE SALE SALE

Pornography is a SIN.

ADULT XXX DISCOUNT WAREHOUSE!

No God. No Peace. KNOW GOD. KNOW PEACE.

ADULT XXX TOYS! FREE PARKING!

Then there was the random stray "MY MOMMY DECIDED NOT TO KILL ME" anti-abortion sign. They musta had a bad year. Budget cuts. 

-I passed by the "worlds biggest prairie dog." I was VERY tempted to stop. 

-I ate nothing but rice krispy treats  and protein shakes today. Okay fine, just rice krispy treats. I feel a little weak. But that's better than fast food...right? Yah. Totally

-David Archuletta is singing on Idol right now. He is just too cute. His song is lame. But adorable! What is it with me and teen boys? I left Zac in the car. SO he won't be pissed at me for leering at david. But he doesn't need to worry. When David talks he sounds like Mickey Mouse. TOTAL turn off!

-I finished that twilight 2nd book on CD. It DID take 20 hours, which was great. But I gotta say, the main girl, Bella, is the neediest woman in the history of all women.  She seriously sets us back a few centuries.

uhhh. That's all. I have 15 hours left tomorrow! Who's gonna be cranky and disheveled tomorrow night? yah. Zac. he looks like HELL. We ran outta Paul Mitchell Mousse. 

GREETINGS from NO-WHERE, Colorado!

I'm too tired to do a real post. So, I'll link you to dede's where she posted the cutest pics of the dogs and her boys.

...her boys who WERE terrified of dogs until MY perfect dogs came along! And aside from stealing banana cake off the dining room table, and swallowing whole chunks of stolen rice krispy treats, and who may or may not have nabbed a PB&J sandwich out of a kid's hand...ASIDE from that they were PERFECT!

I'm at the econo-lodge. Where, aside from the $69/night charge (ECONO my ass!)  there'a a $25 PER PET fee. So basically I'm in a two bit flea hole for the price of a deluxe marriot suite in NY. 

PLUS I got the next book in the Twilight series (new moon? Eclipse? Can't even remember the name) on CD for my drive. I know I may lose readers here, but I have to say IT'S THE MOST BORING BOOK EVER!! 

Seriously. She spends 4 cd's on and on, all "WOE is me!! My vampire boyfriend left town. The pain! THE PAIN!!!"

I still have 7 more to go. If they hadn't set me back 35 bills I would burn it. Hey! I know! I'll do a prize giveaway! I'll have to think of something, but now you know the prize in advance. 

See you in kansas!

YogaBitch & Zac's Excellent Adventure!

Dude.
I'm stalling in Utah. I shoulda left this morning. I THINK I'm gonna leave tomorrow morning. I'm in a sugar coma. Like I might just stay till I die a death of Zingers (thanks Rychelle!) and Rice Krispy Treats (thanks Dede!) and Banbury Cross Donuts (Thanks self!) a la 'leaving las vegas'

What keeps me motivated though, is that I FINALLY got a driving Partner. So I won't have to be alone. Once Again, Rychelle hooked me up, with what may very well turn out to be my next relationship! I knew that girl was connected...but ZAC EFRON?! I knew we were meant to be. I just KNEW IT!!

I mean, It was hard at first, those awkward silences as we traveled from Las Vegas to Salt lake. But then? Oh....it just got better and better. And he just fit right in. (He offered to drive from Beaver to SLC...WHAT A MAN!)

Dede just LOVES him. What's not to love? (LUCKILY she's married!)He played fetch with the dogs ALL DAY!

ZAC loves walking in nature. Zac is WAY sensitive. When things got a little "hot" out, I he took off his shirt...UH OH ZAC! That's a pretty big reptile approaching...better put your shirt back on! I just love a man with a big Croc. After an EXHAUSTING day in the wild, Dede made us her famous rice krispy treats. Of course, ever the gentleman, Zac posed with his shirt off HOLDING one. Seriously, is there ANYTHING hotter than a half naked man and a cereal bar?!?

Well. we're about to head out to nebask-y tomorrow. If I get too tired, Zac might do a guest post. WHO KNOWS what adventures await us in...WYOMING!

are we there yet are we there yet are we there yet

K. I am all packed up. My little lexus looks like a bonafide minivan, all stuffed with pillows and dog beds and toys and shoes hangin out the back. I THOUGHT I was totally organized until I actually started PACKING the car.

It was all downhill from then. I wanted everything to be stacked and neat, like a pottery barn. But then it was "oh! shit! I totally forgot THAT suitcase!" and "hey...I totally need those towels, I'll just throw em in." and "OH almost forgot the dog toys and treats...I'll stuff em in this corner.".....and so on and so forth.

I was so excited packing this morning and here's why..."hmmmm, what should my FIRST roadie breakfast be? A croissan'wich? An egg McMuffin? Jack in the box breakfast bowl? Carl's Jr. French toast sticks?!?!?!? 7-11 donuts/taquitoes?!

All the breakfast foods that are totally unacceptable except on rare occasions, or ROADTRIPS!! Drive thru starbucks here I come!!


Today's coming attractions..

FIRST STOP VEGAS: Oh yah baby, hit me! Gimme a royal flush, cuz mama needs a NEW PAIR o' shoes and some chicken fried steak!

NEXT STOP: UTAH! Craft time! Keep your eyes peeled for a new blog layout perhaps?!?

PS..I'll be uploading little road trip tidbits, as I go along. So if you're bored out of your skull today...CHECK back by this blog!

YIKES!

Oh man! I am leaving TOMORROW! I have a 'to do list' that could be worked into a Tolstoy novel.

I woke up at 4am and was going over all the stuff I have to do. And then I was like "I can't just lie around in bed all day!!!!" AHHHHH! I won't be watching TV for a whole week!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!

What was I thinking?! WHo the Hell drives to NY??!? Why couldn't I just leave things well enough alone?

And then I looked over at the dogs snoring away and started laughing to myself. Poor Mick. He has no idea that his quality of life as he knows it is dramatically about to go downhill. HAHAHA! he thinks every time we get in the car, he's about a half hour away from a park/beach/pool. Wonder what he's gonna think of a 13 hr drive through Nebraska?!?

I don't know why I find that funny, but I am giggling even now. Maggie has lived the mean streets of New York already. She will be returning to her youth and all her best friends in the dog park. She's all cool and street smart. Mick Knows nothing but his cushy LA grass filled/pool filled life. He's looking at me now. He knows I'm typing about him. I still think it's funny.

This is probably why I don't have kids.

Anyhoo...I have to go buy some 'books on CD' for the drive. Any suggestions? I need something riveting. To keep me awake. Joseph and the amazing technicolor dream coat soundtrack only gets me to Vegas.

Here's the ONLY upside to a long roadtrip...GAS STATION FOOD!!!! The one and ONLY time it's acceptable to eat Doritos and HoHo's for lunch!! And Taco Bell for BREAKFAST!!! And I've heard SO much about cracker barrel...and I am SO THERE.

NOT looking forward to? Sneaking the dogs into no-tell motels. eeeeeewwww.

K, must go pack up. Be sure to leave me any road trip tricks you know. Are you excited for Blogs from Wyoming? Iowa?

Ohhhh yah.

I CANnot be bought!

I don't mean to BRAG or anything. But I just came home to a HUGE package from Francesca. I assume she sent them to everyone.

HAHA! J/K. She only sent it TO ME! Nanny nanny boo boo. I got a present and YOU-oo didn't!

I'm not gonna say what was in it or anything. That's PRIVATE. Besides you might then think that YOU have to send me presents too. Which you TOTALLY DOn't.

But JUST in case  you WANTED to for some reason, you totally don't HAVE to AT ALL. At least until I get to NY and can give you my new address. But like if you were WONDERing about what in the world I would want, I just figured I'd let you know that I'm registered at Here.

HERE

HERE

&HERE

(seriously that last one is SO cool. Get some for yourself while you're at it)(I don't mind)

And that doesn't make her my new best friend AT ALL! I still revere you all unEQUALLY  

She isn't  better than anyone else who reads this blog! 

Just wanted to make that clear. Presents DO not make friends. It's what's on the inside of the box that counts!

I love each and every one of my readers who send me stuff!

X to the oxo to all my peeps! especially francesca. And dede & carin who sent me a huge birthday box last year. Which is not at all the reason I am going through Utah and back through San Francisco.

Don't worry, NOT a tear Jerker

This made me laugh this morning. I'll do a real post later. But just wanted you to smile this AM. It makes up for all the people I infuriate throughout the day. It's what we in yoga call, Balance.

Wiping tears Still...

K, I don't know if this is PMS or not, but I watched this just now and am CRYING!! For real. Just tell me if you don't cry. I can't post it, but click here (won't let me embed)

And THEN I'll post more later because I don't wanna interrupt your moment. And besides I know You'll cry and who wants someone reading their blog in tears??

PS...I don't recommend you watching this if you're at work. People will think you're manic depressive. Well, unless you ARE, then go ahead!

HOPPY EASTER!!

     HAPPY EASTER FROM MY FAMILY TO YOURS!

   (Me 'n My kids! We dressed in pastels JUST for our Spring Portrait!)                               

What you mean you no have cookie?

It's no shocker that cookie monster was my ABSOLUTE favorite sesame street character! If there were a facebook quiz "what sesame street character are you" I would undoubtedly be cookie monster. That or a tie between cookie and oscar. I LOVED oscar. Man, I just always wanted to SEE his digs in that trash can. why did they never show that?

K, anyway, last night was my last night teaching yoga in LA (until Aug) My West Hollywood class was adorable. They brought me flowers...and lots and lots of cookies!! Weird. I don't recall mentioning to them my obsession with cookies. Do I just LOOK like I love them? Or do I subconsciously sneak it into my yoga talking without realizing it?

I certainly don't walk IN with them or anything! hmmm.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I woke up this morning forgetting I had all these homemade cookies and that's exactly what I wanted for breakfast! But then I went out to brunch with my friend and I had eggs benedict instead! WAY healthier. (right!)

Also, my friend and I stayed up until MIDNIGHT watching Millionaire Matchmaker. Anyone watch that show? I never did until last night. HILARIOUS! Seriously.

I also woke up with a cold. blah. I can't be sick for my upcoming road trip across the US! hey, speaking of which...anyone wanna go!!??!?!? come onnnnnn...anyone? anyone? Who doesn't want to see ALL of Nebraska? WHO!?!? (I'll bring cookies!!)(I know ALL of the starbucks on route 80!)

Why do I hear crickets?

Video killed the bloggio star. Video killed the bloggio star...

Well. I managed to actually GET OUT OF BED today! WEEEEEE!

But, then again I had to work this morning. And guess what?? I WAS LATE to the ONE HOUR job I had because of THIS

Of course I said it was because of "traffic" (thanks counselor! Your blog seriously comes in handy!) but really it's because I was watching all the videos in complete fascination.

Honest to God, it was like watching story book characters come to life. Or or, that your beloved stuffed animals ARE REAL after all!! Completely satisfying in every way. I wonder if this is gonna be the shift of blogs. "reality blogging" First it's just filming yourself talk. Then it's gonna be adding the characters in your life. Walking the camera around your home, then your neighborhood, then EVERYWHERE!!!! It's gonna be like a permanent Gail/Oprah road trip.

Seriously. I'm good at predicting shit.

These gals are giving away prizes too! One of the prizes is thie tee...

Now, I never win stuff, so I don't enter these contest things...But knowing my kind of luck, the ONE thing I would win would be this tee! HAH! And don't think I won't wear it either. My life is already hitting creep factor 101 thanks to my mom calling my dogs "the grandkids" in public. Like this..."this is my daughter and these are our grandchildren, Mick and Maggie!" It's mortifying. But if I were wearing this TEE to boot? It would be downright satire.

Side note...My mother just got her own little yappy dog, and she refers to me as "her sister!" like "Molly! Go see your sister...give your sister the ball!" So when you ask me "why you going to NY for 4 months?" Now you know. I probably need to make it more of a permanent move. Because at the rate I'm going? Molly will probably get married before me!

the wednesday slump hump

it's 3:30.

I have done NOTHING today. I mean. Literally. And I'm not using literally in that annoying lame way. Where it doesn't mean literally. I mean, like I'm still in bed. Dressed. but in bed. Watching TV, reading blogs,f acebook, tv, blogs, todolist, blogs, youtube, add more to todolist (for tomorrow) blogs, twitter,facebook, checking blogs I alredy read and commented on just to see if there is a comment on my comment, tv, etc..

see? I meant LITERALLY NOTHING.

whooo. That took a LOT to type. It's time for a nap!

This cracked me up. But maybe that's cuz I'm bored. At first it's kinda sad...and then....

(I SWEAR this doesn't have a screaming creature at the end!)

Reminds me that I really do want a cat when I get home from NY. And I'm gonna adopt it and get one like Pinky...one that terrifies Mick and annoying strangers who come to the door :)

sigh.

I love pets!

Le Wedding (still french!!)

Here's the whole fam. Since you asked. I am sitting here with ice on my new cankles. It's the price of looking good.

Here's me with my adorable niece. She insisted we get matching silvery shoes for the rehearsal dinner. When she saw me taking pics of MY SHOES (she didn't even think that was weird. I. Love. Her.) she insisted she take pics of her shoes too and even arranged them for me! (she feels very famous that I'm posting this on my blog)(well, and WHO wouldn't??)





Niece and nephew. I don't do fancy amazing pics like everyone else. too lazy.


Then there's the big bro. He's already married. How he produced such adorable kids is beyond me. You know how looks can skip a generation? I think they skipped sideways, from me to them! HA!

(i changed dresses about four times. And ended up with the original. Wanna know why? I know you do. I went to Nord to get a strapless bra. I tried them on..HATE...and the woman brought like 3 different cup sizes. The least amount was the one that fit just right. guess what one ended up in my bag? yah...THE TRIPLE DDD!!! I had NO CHOICE....well, I did but it's not like I'm lettin' MY JUNK hang down past my undies!...so I looked like I had a ridiculous pamela anderson type boob job. NONE of my dresses fit well with that harness on)

Then there was the ceremony...awww....soooo pretty!



Yes yes. I cried at the wedding, but not SO MUCH because of this...


But more because of this...

Wearing these the day before created this next shot...

The newly acquired CANKLES!!!


The shoes that one lady fawned over...you have to see it bigger to see the adorable white polka dot detail! Worth EVERY painful step! (these actually aren't SO bad...unless you wear those brown ones before.


There you go! Wedded bliss...ters!

**Toast! Toast!** *clink clink clink*

My dad's speech at the rehearsal dinner:

(in tears)
"I am so honored to see my son get married.(sniff sniff) And to be part of this all..."

(wait for it...........)


(waiiiiittttt for it.............)


"...especially since this will be the last marriage in our family for at least a few years."


uh huh. nice. smoothe.

He is SO going to An Adult Day Care when I get the chance.

Thursday Morning. Yep. It sure is Thursday Morning.

Can U tell from the title that this is going to be the MOST RIVETING POST YET?!

I am drinking my morning coffee. Well, what I make in the morning is a mocha latte (start the day off right, is what I say!)...but only cuz I dropped some hard cash for an espresso machine last year that I HAD TO HAVE, cuz it was JUST SO CUTE...yet I JUST started using. BUT since I am not used to buying my own milk..I usually reserve that for starbucks, to buy my milk...I ran out of milk this morning.

So you know what my mocha is made from? HALF N HALF! with chocolate with 3 shots of espresso. HA! Take THAT Kashi cereal!

It is, unfortunately, so.damn.good. I just don't wanna get used to this flavor. I mean seriously, what do you think it is, like 700 calories?

Here's my whole point...I just took a big sip and felt a giant hair in my mouth (hair or fur, not sure)(haha! look at me being a rhymer so early!) and I totally wanted to GAG.

Sure, It's most likely MY hair, or even Micks, but STILL. GROSS! is there a worse feeling??

LA di da. Hey..you wanna ruin someone's day? For real. Go to this post and DON'T push play.

Really. Don't. Pure Evil.

BUT send the link to people who bug you and be all...BEST.VIDEO.EVER. And then THEY will click it and it will be in their head ALL.DAY.LONG. Mwaahahahhahaha. (Btw...wenbren does the best videos. Keep her bookmarked!) But just remember DO NOT CLICK PLAY. It only takes ONCE.

I have SO much to do today. I leave for san diego tomorrow for my little brother's wedding. YAY! Wedding!! Why I love weddings is that you get to go out and buy ***a new dress and NEW SHOES!! I've been shopping for ***a dress since they were engaged like a year ago. And every time I see a dress I drool over, i can justify it by being all "it's for my BROTHER's wedding!"

You have to understand that I LIVE in yoga clothes. When and IF I do go out to dinner whatever and wear a skirt or jeans people get confused. And yet....I LOVE heels and dresses. They just tend to collect some dust. SO when I've been buying dresses and heels all year my shopping partner goes "don't buy those shoes! you live in uggs!" and I get to go "I will SO wear them! To my brother's WEDDING! DUH!" and then she goes "but I thought you already bought shoes/dress for that wedding" and I go "well, yah, but that was like 6 months ago! And that dress/shoes are so OUT now!"

I LOVE WEDDINGS! Anyone getting married soon? Even if I don't know you..I'm SO THERE.

K, that's all.

***a=6

Better than a snuggie!

Your relationship of late: fresh, fruity, and (sadly) rooty-tooty.

Your partner’s nocturnal emissions have you worried that the honeymoon is over. And great meals just keep amounting to a hill of beans.

Bring back the love with the Better Marriage Blanket.

The BMB’s activated carbon fabric layer lessens the blow of late-night bombings using technology that originated from government-issue chemical warfare suits. In other words, your Aunt Agnes’s bean-and-sausage soup has finally met its match.

Plus, it’s washable, dryable, and even flame retardant — for those nights when cabbage is on the menu.

Put one on the guest room bed and tell your family and friends. You may feel silly tooting your horn over a blanket, but don’t worry.

No one gives a poot about that.

Get one for my brother's wedding: CHECK.

And to my married readers: You're welcome.

talk about inventions!

Have you ever been in the shower, shaving your legs, when you started to get turned on? Didn’t you wish that trusty razor of yours could satisfy more sensual needs?

Now it can with the Tinge, the first (and only) razor-slash-vibrator!



Yes. Really.

The Tinge may LOOK like an ordinary shaver, but just throw on the cap and voila — party time! Finally, you can remove unwanted stubble and get off with a single device.

But wait, there’s more: The Tinge has a whopping 32 different speed/mode combinations for your pleasure, and it’s water resistant, so you can get freaky in the bathtub.

That’s not all. The gadget comes with two blade cartridges AND a bottle of pleasure gel!!

P.S. I am not responsible for snags or tears in your wizard’s sleeve.

PPS. Be SURE to read the testimonials!!