Monday, February 22, 2010

I can walk again! I am HEALED! PRAISE BE MANIFEST JOY LIGHT NAMASTE DREAMCATCHER!

Remember My new renter, Lynn? Well, I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago and today she trapped me. I was innocently minding my own beeswax reading blogs, when she creeps up behind me and says....


HER: I can work on your ankle today. I have 20 mins free.

BitchyThoughts: oh GREAT. Think of an excuse. fast!

ME: oh! uh, yah! that's so nice of you. Um, GREAT! So, like, NOW?

HER: yah!

...two mins later.....

HER: Now close your eyes. breathe innnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Breathe ouuuuuuuuuuuut. I'm just going to 'read' your leg.

BitchyThoughts: HA! Hope my leg has a great twist ending for ya.

HER: Now, I want you to mentally release your Tibia. (pause) Go ahead. RELEASE your Tibia! YES! YES!! There! I felt it release! gooooooooooood. good job!

BitchyThoughts: Huh? where's the tibia?

HER: Wow. Your body is SO responsive. You are SO in tune. I can just FEEL your bones shifting everytime I tell you to. Do you feel it? Do you FEEEEEEL the difference in your bones? I can TOTALLY feel that shift!

BitchyThoughts: huh. interesting. can you FEEEEEEEEL my eyes rolling to the back of my skull?

HER: okay, now just send the intention to your ankle, your whole LEG, say " I am the truth and I will live that truth whatever that truth manifests in the truth and light truth!"

HER: okay! That's it! Now! How do you feel? Your Ankle feel WAY better?

ME: YAH! YAH!!! WOW! uh, YAH!

BitchyThoughts: uh, no.




16 comments:

Kristina P. said...

You really should have rented to a massage therapist.

Carin said...

ditto...
that would be a great roommate...
and I think you would still have great stories to tell!

your posts always have me laughing!

Kris said...

I'm calling VH1 right now. They have GOT to give you a reality show. I hope your next roommate is psychic. Actually, I am sensing that he/she WILL BE!

2busy said...

I am feeling my shinsplint leaving, I'm telling them to...but they aren't listening.

rychelle said...

i think i just healed my aching shoulder just reading that! thanks.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Sweet, merciful crap! You need to write a book. You have to deal with legit 'crazy as a shithouse rat' type crazy people.

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Where do you find these people?! Or maybe I should be asking how these people manage to find you!

peewee said...

Craigslist!!!!

NIKOL said...

Could be worse. She could be one of those people who believes high colonics are the cure for everything.

peewee said...

HAHAHHAHAHAH NIKOL!!!! Could u imagine?!?!

CynthiaK said...

Um...this conversation cannot be real. You saw that on some sitcom, right? No way that was reality. I would have burst into laughter!

I guess that makes me not in tune with my body and not manifesting the truth...

Sigh.

Hope your ankle feels better.

forever folding laundry said...

Nikol's comment just won "Comment of the Evening". Hilarious!

~Keri

Mayhem and Moxie said...

I am booking my flight to LA now. I must meet this roommate. I have a pain in my back that won't go away and I'd like for my bones to talk to her in person.

Please schedule me an appointment.

PS: I am following Josh Hopkins on Twitter now. He is a fucking riot.

Meg said...

So, after you released you tibia, did she give it back?

Tracie said...

She's not going to make you take money off her rent to pay for that is she?

peewee said...

No, she won't take money off the rent. She can manifest her rent money.