Friday, February 19, 2010

Today's not lookin' good.

I very rarely protest anything.


Well, all right, I do protest the hippies, Paris Hilton, and Apple on a regular basis.

But NOW! Now, I have to voice my well-fought-for women's liberation! (Thanks Rosie the Riveter!)(You crazy little lesbian, you!) I must put my foot down on the atrocity that is...

Home depot. Satan's home on earth.

There is not a store I detest MORE. Not even LAMPS PLUS (which I really hate too...do ALL the lamps NEED to be on? At the same time? In the ENTIRE store?) Not even Whole Foods. (I have a love/hate with WF. HATE the people. Love the pretty pretty aisles. HATE the hypocrisy...Organic "california medley" vegetables....from China??)

Wait. Where was I?

Oh yah. I have to go to Hell Depot to buy paint today. These are the times I say to myself "WHY? WHY did you squander your youth on work and travel because THIS IS WHY YOU NEED A HUSBAND/LESBIAN LOVER!"

Just typing about this makes me wanna cry. Walking in there makes me feel like a Whore in church. Like I am being judged by the smug tool people "you're not HANDY enough to be in here"

I can avoid this place MOST of the time because I can usually find whatever man-tool-type-thing at target. And Target....ah....now THAT's a store who has a Woman's needs in mind. Their tools and what not are way more girly. I once bought a "tool kit" from there. It was SO CUTE. And all the tools were kinda mini-tools. In the cutest little plastic case. And I was SO proud when, for the first time, a guy friend was trying to fix something and said "do you have a screwdriver" and I excitedly and proudly sad YES! YES I DO!!" and ran to get it. When I handed it over, he did a double take and laughed and said "THIS? is a screwdriver?? No, I mean a REAL screwdriver." whatever.

K, where was I?

Oh yah. The belly of the beast. I mean, it would take SO LITTLE to make this place desirable. A candy Aisle? A Hello Kitty tool center? A magazine rack at the front. With US weekly, NOT Man & Hammer or whatever.

You know what? I can't even finish this post. I am too stressed. Any man-girls out there who wanna go for me?


15 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I have seen a pink hammer in there once.

YOu just need to man up!

Kris said...

Afterwards, you should definitely treat yourself to a mani/pedi or a new lip gloss to restore your estrogen levels.

Counselormama said...

You just need to act as if you know what you are doing, and the people there will fall in line!

NIKOL said...

I had to go to Home Depot last weekend to buy stuff from the garden section. They can even make you feel stupid buying something as simple as a watering can. I, unfortunately, also needed a bag of rock salt for our water softener. They keep said rock salt outside the store for some reason. I must have asked 9 different people where it was before I got a straight answer. Even then it was a big fat hassle to get it because I had to pay for it inside, and the checker had no idea what I was talking about. Then I couldn't find the salt outside the exit where they said, and the people working out there all looked at me like I was crazy.

I vastly prefer shopping at Lowe's. Same stuff, nicer people. And it's prettier in there, too.

Incidentally, I share your loathing for Lamps Plus.

peewee said...

Hey Counselor,
If I were that good an actress, I would win an oscar for the kind of performance it would take for ME to act like I know what I'm doing in a home depot!

rychelle said...

a hello kitty tool center would be the coolest thing on the earth. the coolest thing in the whole galaxy, probably.

peewee said...

RIGHT??!?!? How am I NOT a millionaire yet?

Meg said...

I would totally go to Home Depot for you. I love that place!

Now, REI? That's a different story. I am so completely and totally urban that I wait for someone in a green vest to point at me and shreik, "GET OUT!!! YOU DON'T BELONG HERE!!!!"

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lowes is better. Less offensive orange and they give a poo about decor and such. Home Depot is too butch for me.

dede said...

when I was at home depot with Chase last week, the only thing in the whole store that he spotted was a pink princess shovel and knee rest and he threw a BIG fit cause I wouldn't let him have it - so, HD can be for everyone, you just have to keep your eyes open :)

Lin said...

Uh, I don't think a Hello Kitty hammer is gonna work really well for you--unless that is your point. But you would look good using it! I don't like Home Depot either--it's way too overwhelming and there just isn't enough money for all of the projects I would like to do.

Hey, thanks for the well wishes for my kitty. He's okay, but not great yet. Your kind words helped a ton though, thanks!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

no, i can't take those stores either. Especially after our remodeling project. just passing them makes me vomit.

Tracie said...

We don't have a Home Depot. We have Lowe's and their customer service is worse than Wal Mart and McDonalds put together. Hate it.

Oh, and every time I go there I run into our contractor/carpenter and I end up blabbing to him about some problem that my husband won't fix. Then he gets another job at my house and I'm out a couple thousand dollars.

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Walmart has paint, but you might be too classy to shop at Walmart.

peewee said...

I am WAY NOT too classy for Walmart. I would live there if I could. But sadly. There is not a single walmart anywhere in or even NEAR LA :(