Monday, May 17, 2010

I'm finally a Mormon Mommy Blogger! Well, not really Mormon. And not really mommy. But close enough!

My mormon friends, well and even my non-mormon friend ALWAYS accuse me of being a Mormon poser wanna-be. Why? Because I live for Friday night game night, Jello molds, Wal-Mart, and anything with marshmallows. Also I want tons of kids. It's just that whole no-coffee thingie is a deal breaker. Oh, and that no-gay-marriage thingie. I heart my homos and double iced mochas.

As for the mommy part? I just inherited a 19 yr old. it's been less that 48 hours and I have heard myself say things that I thought I WOULD NEVER SAY. Like...

1/ "I can't believe what you kids are listening to these days!"

Seriously cringe worthy. I would repeat here. But I can't even type some of those words. Lets just say that would make my grandma, who is already dead, fall over dead AGAIN.

2/"Ugh! Turn that God-awful music DOWN. Better yet, OFF!"

3/" When YOU drive you can listen to whatever you want, but when I DRIVE, we listen to what I WANT. (to which she ignored me and shoved in her dirty rap CD anyway)

Clearly, I am but a shotgun away from sitting on my porch shaking my fist in the air screaming "you crazy kids get off my lawn before I MAKE you!!"


And here I thought I was all young and hip. She ALSO made fun of my Zac Efron shoulder bag. I may un-adopt her soon.

But you just KNOW I love playing bossy mom. I TOLD YOU awhile ago I needed some kids to do chores for me. So I got one. But so far I am doing DOUBLE chores. huh. Guess that theory was shot down to hell. I mean outer darkness. Gotta keep up that Mormon front.

15 comments:

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Mormons also don't have mimosas with their brunch. Just sayin. . .

rychelle said...

someone actually gave you custody of someone else?! i thought letting you have custody of the dogs was iffy.

NIKOL said...

"I heart my homos and double iced mochas" is pure poetry.

I'm a bad Mormon because I don't care for Jello, Wal-Mart or marshmallows. And I heart homos as well. Guess instead of going to the Celestial Kingdom, I'll be the Mayor of Terrestrial Town.

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Oh, straight to a teenager...that's gotta be painful. Good luck! And be sure to share your parenting teenagers wisdom. Because I'm a little nervous about the teenage years. Okay, a lot nervous.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Well, I tell you what- you can have custody of my two for a bit as well. See how the wild side of boys live. Oh and ZACH EFRON!?!?!?!?!

Kristina P. said...

How did this happen?

Also Charlie just walked past the computer while I had your blog up, and is angry that I clicked off your blog and said that it was inappropriate for work. Well done.

Karen said...

I love this post, and I love and second Nikol's comment! Except that I do love marshmallows.

Who is this kid and how long do you have to...er...I mean, get to...keep her?

Carin said...

where did you find that picture!? hahahaha!

VerDell Christiansen said...

Sister K, I've saved a lovely warm spot for you on the pew at the wardhouse. You and your rowdy teen hooligans are always welcome in my church choir.

vanessa said...

Where does one get these pet child slaves? I would like one.

PS, You're posting with an upsetting irregularity. I prefer to read you daily. (Though I'm not willing to pay for it, in case you were wondering.) (Which says nothing about you and everything about me.) (xo.)

Melanie J said...

Dude, how'd you get a picture of my Grams?

And I hate Wal-Mart.

But I also like marshmallows. And anything made with them. Especially with marshmallows AND Jello.

Well, not really on the Jello part.

dede said...

you forgot to add that you sing "I'm trying to be like Jesus" in your car to your list of Mormon poser wannabe! You should have your new teenager rap that, maybe it will do her some good :)

Kris said...

Dude, I am a totally bad Mormon...I heart homos too, and chances are, I know the lyrics to those obscene rap songs by heart. I've even watched Big Love. That's like a Mormon felony right there.

Don't judge!

peewee said...

I DID forget my mormon cd...."I hope they call me on a mission, whne I have grown a foot or twooooooo....lalalalala"

rychelle said...

has your new teenage daughter murdered you in your sleep?!?

should i call someone?

like the lifetime movie producers?

this is going to make an excellent made for tv movie.