Monday, June 07, 2010

Yogabitch is the new Dr. Spock

I am really thinking of turning this blog into a child-rearing/dog training advice column. Okay fine. Just child rearing. That seems to be my forte anyway. Who knew!?

Today's column: How to find some" ME" time away from the kids

You find yourself having to entertain your teen 24/7? Take them out to expensive meals? Tired of having to pay for TWO movies and TWO mani/pedis and TWO massages??? Need a good chunk of alone time w/out hiring a handler/baby sitter? WELLLL.....

Make them be extras in a low budget tv show/movie. Yesterday Teen Slave worked from 5:30 am until 6pm (ON SUNDAY!)!!! Today she started at 6:30 AM and will get out MAYBE by 5.

YAY SWEAT SHOP STYLE LABOR aka hollywood!!!

I've had my nails done, taken 3 naps, bought mochas for ONE and watched MUCH needed hours of Law & Order SVU: The killer coeds marathon.

The Pitfall? They might complain and refuse to get up. But never fear! You just nip that in the bud immediately by saying stuff like "wow! maybe TODAY you'll get to MEET Angie Harmon like how you got to talk to Lorraine Brocco yesterday!!" ( LOTS of exclamation pts helps)

My methods may seem rogue but hey! My nails look sooooo good!

9 comments:

Kristina P. said...

It sounds like instead of Dr. Spock, you are just regular Star Trek Spock, devoid of all emotion.

NIKOL said...

I quite enjoy these tips, and am filing them away for future reference. My oldest is nine now. It's only a matter of time before puberty comes knocking.

A fun twist would be if she really falls in love with this stuff and then is asking you to pay her dues so she can get her SAG card. Who wins then, Dr. Spock?

Kris said...

Send her to tvtickets.com to be part of the studio audience (translation: laugh track), and she'll stand in line for 5 hours and then watch for 5 hours while the show tapes. Then you'll have your evenings free too!

rychelle said...

i hope you're planning to publish a book. these tips are GOLDEN!

peewee said...

Nikol, HER MOM WINS!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I can't stop laughing over this post, or the comments! I have to agree with them!!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

How do I find this work for my kids here on the east coast?

Carin said...

I need your parent influence daily! I guess if I can't live close...at least I can find your wisdom here!

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Clearly I'm in need of this advice now. My kids are cute enough to be on tv. Is there room at your house? I hear your house is the place to stay when you're a stage mom. ;o)

Whatever happened to those roommates? Did I miss something?