Trader Joe's Reality Show

SCENE ONE: INT. Trader Joe's Market. Noonish.

Two registers open. One Line has 3 ladies. Other has 1 bleached blonde bad perm lady with few items. Unsuspecting yoga girl gets behind the 1 lady, even though yoga training intuition says to her "NO! Go to other line!"


BAD PERM LADY:(with pious smile) I need some of these rung up separately.

CHECKOUT GIRL: um, sure.

BPL: let's start with this salad and the two bags of organic nuts.

(checkout girl rings up said items.)

BPL: No wait! I said ONE bag of nuts plus the one salad, and I need to charge that one on my visa.

CG: (into microphone) I NEED A VOID ON REGISTER 2.

(long wait ensues. Re-rings FIRST purchase.)

BPL: umm, what was that pin # for that card? I think... NO..oh yah. (enters wrong pin) Oh wait! that's the wrong card. Here try THIS one.

(FIRST sale finally goes through. Yoga girl tapping foot worrying that lemon sorbet will fucking melt.)

BPL: Okay, and then those Two salads together, and that will be cash. Wait no. ring those individually and I'll still pay cash.

(BPL counts ones for each salad and then puts change and receipts, meticulously folded into origami fashion as to not lose .11 cents for each order.)

BPL: and thennnnnn, the one other salad with the bag of nuts plus the mango slices on one receipt please, and that will be this mastercard.

BPL: and then the last salad plus the banana, I will use the rest of this cash plus the remainder on this other ATM card. Oh and I need separate bags too, if that's okay. But just the one salad per bag except we'll put the fruit separately. And I'll do the nuts, you don't have to bother with that!

meanwhile, back in the other line...12 people have now gone through, eaten their lunches and are now on their way to starbucks downstairs...

SCENE TWO: ext. Parking lot...

Yoga girl and melted lemon sorbet are slowly pulling out of space when black BMW races around corner and cuts her off...Yoga girl goes to glare at rude BMW and sees familiar yellow and black frizzy curls...and GRACIOUSLY lets BMW go first.

BMW peels off with 5 individually wrapped and packed salads and license plate cover says "GOT JESUS?"