Thursday, January 29, 2009

coffee talk

The cleaning lady came early so I had to get lost and now I'm just hanging out on the patio of my favorite coffee place. They also happen to have THE BEST chocolate chip cookies! I'm not eating one though! Gosh! I DO have some willpower. (is that one word or two? I am VERY unfamiliar with the term) I do however have one in my bag. As a treat! I worked out WAY hard. My arms are shaking as I type. So YAH! I deserve a little (even though it's kinda big) treat!

I had one of those nights last night where I was teaching a class FULL of total freaks. It's weird. They kinda group together in packs. Like the powers that be that make the world go 'round somehow shuffle them all together in one spot called MY CLASS. I feel like it's a personal affront. Like, it means something that I attract all these freaky people! My one friend said it's because I seem very accessible and friendly. She followed that with "....because if they ever really got to KNOW you they would see how WRONG THAT IS!!!!!!!!" then she threw her head back and laughed hysterically.

FREAK's appropriate that he is #1 because he was wearing a onesie. Yah. that's right.

A full grown man. he was wearing a yoga Mansie. HE was also wearing shorts. But when I went to adjust him as he was bending over I saw it. I thought his shirt was just tucked into his whities. Was hoping. So I full on stared and examined him. It was a onesie. HOT.

FREAK 2.....was an old woman wearing weird little black fingerless gloves AND toeless feet gloves. Do they call them gloves for feet? Toeless. gloves. AND she was wearing a weightlifter belt. One of those big brown ones with a giant buckle!? AND two huge square shaped dumbbells. And she would grab them in downdog and plank and if we were doing something like a lunge say, she would grab her dumbbells and be all doing reps. I don't even know what style of yoga she usually does, but it must be pretty damn serious.

FREAK 3&4....were old lady bff's. They were anywhere between 60-80. They both had CRAZY plastic surgery....boobs/lips/botox/facelift, BAD bleached blonde hair, FULL make-up with hot pink lipstick...AND were wearing little skimpy clothes. I assume they do yoga to "stay young." It's not working ladies. It's just not.

FREAK 5....isn't so much a freak as the smelliest human alive. I can't even go anywhere near his side of the room. seriously. makes my eyes water. you can see the smoky stench around him, his 'aura' if you will. like pigpen. only ALIVE and real.

FREAK 6...brought a "water bottle" to class. The Arrowhead GALLON bottle. Really dude? you gonna need all that for one class?

sigh. The things we do for fame & money. It's a high price my friends. A high price indeed.


Kristina P. said...

I need to get a full-person onesie.

If I were in your Yoga class, I would totally wear my Snuggie.

dede said...

hey - we (or possibly just I) had a onesie in college - remember? (I use to always wear it with my U of U boxers) weren't they cool?? maybe they are on there way back?? although I wouldn't want to see a man in one - yuck!

btw - I love it when you go to work!

rychelle said...

I think I really need to visit you, just to see this freak show! Do you mind if I wear my onsie to class?

3 Bay B Chicks said...

So you and Dede went to college together? Nice! A bit of insight into the very elusive life of the "yogabitch."

Have you ever posted a photo? I am always so curious about the people that I never see! Especially someone who obviously has the talent not only to come up with brilliant new year's resolutions, but also to spot a freak at 20 paces. It really is a gift.


peewee said...

elusive! haha! If you scroll down a few posts, I do have pics of me and my fab U lous hair. an entire post actually! I just stay in super stealth mode (I would fail miserably in the CIA) so I don't get, you know, FIRED from my YOGA teaching job!

abalone said...

don't forget to remind your inquiring fans that you're still in the federal witness protection program...

Counselormama said...

It seems like we have somthing in common. Please feel free to tune into my blog every Friday, as I think I am the ultimate freak magnet! Sorry, if I sent you a message like this last week!

Dads(2) said...

wow, I could wear my thong and fit right in! I'm on my way!