Sunday, September 27, 2009



HUSBAND: Listen. I don't want to argue with you.
WIFE: Then stop talking

Little Oprah! Little Obama....where are yoooooooouuuuu? Grammybitch made you some cooki...AACK! What the sam hell are you wearin? Oprah! You go put a decent skirt on RIGHT now. One where your ass doesn't hang out! And take off that daisy duke top too. Something with sleeves! And Little Obama...Pull those pants up! I can see your cracker crack! And pull those bangs out your eyes. You look like a damn sheep dog! UGH! You kids dont' know how to look these days. It's all slop.

I tell you what...back in MY day it was all about hip couture. *sigh* We had it all. The hair. The clothes. And I tell you what're LUCKY because your grammybitch KNEW fashion. From the very beginning I had my thumb on the pulse of fashion forward trends.

I had the first mohawk in this family. Like I said FASHION FORWARD. Even before I could talk.

After that? It was all about the Dorothy Hamil cut and the Lacoste. See that alligator? I was the first. Paris. Rome. Milan. ME. (GreatUncleDumass sure did put the "raggedy" in that Raggedy Ann & Andy cake!) (He tried, bless his heart)(you can tell by my face how much I LOVED that cake)

Like I said. Bangs. Lacoste (still! before my time!) Oh, and the shorts!! I was Jack Tripper BEFORE there was jack Tripper.

Grammybitch was even fashionable in sleepwear! Forget that Victoria's Secret Hobag crap! It was all about the LANZ ruffle collar nightgown. I don't even need to point out those designer specs. They speak for themselves! That's your GreatAuntHippie and GreatUncleDrunky. CLEARLY they didn't inherit my fashion sense. It's okay. We can't ALL be Vogue Models!

And still! I constantly set the trends with the Farah Fawcet bangs! That's your GreatUncleDumbass. And that dual photography? They just don't make em like that anymore. Straight outta the pages of Cosmo!

I don't just KEEP UP WITH the times. I SET them! Esprit! (VERY FRENCH) And we wore our collars up! To accentuate the fierce edges of the hair. It's all very Picasso like.

GrammyBitch and her au-natu-rel blonde hair! That's what the sun-inshine does! Again with the you see how high and FULL they are? That was HOT little O's....HOT. Not to mention my famous Brooke Shield Brows. None of them pencil scraps for me! I was blessed. Thank you Jesus.

Oh! By the 90's I had it ALL
Eyebrows. check.
Guess Jean shorts. check.
Oversized multi plaid Ralph Lauren shirt. check.
Tanning bed tan. check.
NATURAL blonde. check
White socks with Penny Loafers. check.

And, do you SEE my Barbizon Model stance? It's my signature. VOGUE.

It was all about the Couture. High Fashion. Take a lesson grandkiddies....and hope, just HOPE that my genes will evolve in you SOMEday. And when they do? You're WELCOME!



dede said...

ahh - the jeep! I remember how lucky I felt when you tricked me into switching cars!

your baby picture is SOOO sweet! and anytime I need to get cheered up, I am going to look at the one of you and craig - hahaha!

great post!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

OK, you're killing me with the Lanz nightgown and the Jack Tripper shorts. Hilarious!

kyslp said...

How I longed for a Dorothy Hamill haircut as a child. The hometown version of that was something straight out of Lord Of The Rings.

You rocked that Esprit - love the hair!

Kristina P. said...

I was so awesome when I was in high school. I had a Glamour Shot done for my senior pics, while I was wearing a denim shirt. Nothing to make fun of there.

You sort of look like Donna from 90210 in that high school picture of yours. Except you can definitely tell you were not a virgin.

2busy said...

For me it was all about the Tinelle haircut. I don't even know if I spelled that right, I'm so old you know...

You are very stylish. I wish I had those genes.

NIKOL said...

I love you so much for posting these.

carin davis said...

Awwww! I LOVE these!!!!!!!! The last one brought back a flood of memories! I was SOOOOOO fashion backward when we met----do you remember??? The little improvement I reached I attribute to you and Dede!

peewee said...

Carin & Dede!! Those were the days!! Oh and're welcome ;)

Kathy B! said...

I love your little fauxhawk in the baby picture!

Counselormama said...

Those pics are priceless! I have the same ones only I had chiclet teeth to go along with everything!

jennster said...

oh hell yeah, THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!! i love it! you look like someone i went to high school with in the last pic... loves

kyslp said...

There is something for you on my blog. If you aren't too cool for that schizz...,

rychelle said...


the fauxhawk!

Kris said...

Every one of those pictures looks like it could have been stolen from my childhood photo albums. Did you know we had the same hair and eyebrows in high school? Blonde hair with huge, dark brows. And we're both named Kristin. That's just how the Kristins roll. We're just hot like that.

peewee said...

True Dat Kris!!! I had no idea you were a Kristin! You a scorpio too?? Post your pics!!

Lin said...

Remind me to notify you for my next "Top Dork" photo contest over at the Duck and Wheel. I have a feeling you might place.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I read this earlier this week, but a coworker walked in and I had to shut it down. I about died laughing at these. Totally remembering middle school- wearing my E.N.U.F or body glove shirt with my Guess jeans and my Eastlund loafers and push down socks. Hot, hot stuff-that we was!

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

I'm so totally fashion challenged. Maybe Moxie Mona can give me a make over after rehab.