Better than a snuggie!

Your relationship of late: fresh, fruity, and (sadly) rooty-tooty.

Your partner’s nocturnal emissions have you worried that the honeymoon is over. And great meals just keep amounting to a hill of beans.

Bring back the love with the Better Marriage Blanket.

The BMB’s activated carbon fabric layer lessens the blow of late-night bombings using technology that originated from government-issue chemical warfare suits. In other words, your Aunt Agnes’s bean-and-sausage soup has finally met its match.

Plus, it’s washable, dryable, and even flame retardant — for those nights when cabbage is on the menu.

Put one on the guest room bed and tell your family and friends. You may feel silly tooting your horn over a blanket, but don’t worry.

No one gives a poot about that.

Get one for my brother's wedding: CHECK.

And to my married readers: You're welcome.