Wednesday, May 13, 2009

CHAPTERS: The Poignant Novel about...CHAPTERS!

CHAPTER 1: THE HORRORS OF NEW YORK CITY:And Why You Should Know That a Slice of Pizza is 330 Calories and Therefore Diet Food.

CHAPTER 2: WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER WEAR A LONG SKIRT TO YOGA WITH GRANNY UNDERWEAR AND NOTHING ELSE...You Idiot!


CHAPTER 3: WHY A BIG BAG OF DARK CHOCOLATE M&M's CAN BE CONSIDERED LUNCH

CHAPTER 4: TEACHING HERE SUBJECTS YOU TO THE CRAZIEST WOMEN ON.THE.PLANET.

CHAPTER 5: DEATH BY YOGA MAT: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "SPIDER POSE" AND THEREFORE IF YOU ARE A SPIDER IN A YOGA ROOM YOU WILL BE IN DANGER

CHAPTER 6: TASTI D-LITE: IT'S NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST,LUNCH & DINNER ANYMORE.

CHAPTER 7: HOT FRESH TOFFEE PEANUT CARTS ARE LIKE BITS OF GOD ON EVERY CORNER: THE ROAD TO HEAVEN IS PAVED WITH PEANUTS



CHAPTER 8: HURTING YOUR KNEE BY WALKING, YES, WALKING, MAY BE A SIGN OF PERPETUAL LAZINESS.

CHAPTER 8 (RE-TITLED) BEWARE! HOW YOU MIGHT HURT YOUR KNEE FROM POUNDING THE EXTRA HARD SURFACES OF NY STREETS

CHAPTER 9: SUBWAYS: DON'T FART ON ME

CHAPTER 10: ELEVATORS: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! SHOWER FIRST!

Coming next...Ever wanna know how it ALL started?

PROLOGUES! THE IRONIC BOOK OF PROLOGUES!

10 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I really hope I get to experience at least 3 of those chapters.

peewee said...

Hopefully NOT CHAPTERS 2, 9 & 10

Kris said...

I read an entry on fmylife.com about a woman sitting in a recently vacated subway seat, only to find that she just sat in a warm puddle of fresh urine. Let's hope you don't need to write a chapter on that.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

I've lived a few of those chapters. You are on the money about those hot peanuts. Don't know what's on them. Could be crack, could be e-coli, but damn if it ain't tasty.


P.S. to Kris - Fmylife is brilliant, but I think a lot of it is made up. What's your take?

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

So...is that a picture of you?! If it is, you're my new idol and I want to be just like you when I grow up.

rychelle said...

i always suspected NYC crazy could beat LA crazy.

i can't wait to eat my way though the big apple. (we're not eating any apples while i'm there. unless they are covered in caramel. and street nuts.)

Counselormama said...

ha ha ha..spider pose..that is funny!

peewee said...

oh please rychelle! Apples! pfft. Unless someone found a way to work them into rice krispie treats, they just won't be part of my vocabulary while I'm here.

Kathy B! said...

I used to carry an extra sweater when I used to take BART (San Fran's above ground subway) so that I could sit on that rather than sit on the seat itself. There were some really questionable stains on those seats...

I don't know whether to be jealous of your adventures or horrified! I be you're having a ton of fun!!

And I tried to reply back to your comment on my blog and it got bounced... still not fixed!!!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Geez, how did I miss this post? I checked earlier today, I swear. Awesome. As always.