Monday, May 18, 2009

It's just too early for me to punch you in the face.

This morning at 7:20 I went to the dog park. Here, the dog park is a big deal. It's like a church. Everyone knows everyone, but all they do is talk about everyone and how they DON'T train their dogs etc. Piety and Judgment run amok. There's this annoying lady who's ALWAYS there and wears a fanny pack...just to store dog treats and dog water and doggy poopy bags, etc. Suffice it to say SHE'S CRAZY.

Sometimes I look at her and think...am I staring at my future? And then I'm all "NO WAY!" because no matter HOW crazy I may become about my dogs, I will never...EVER...wear a fanny pack!

She starts handing out treats to HER dog, and of course all the other dogs want in. Especially my food whore Maggie. (Honesty I don't know WHERE she gets that!) (labradors! Must be genetic!) (mmm..these peanut butter & chocolate malt balls are DAMN good for breakfast!)

Maggie sits RIGHT next to her employing her BEST doe-eyed-don't-I-look-irresistibly-cute look. Which ALWAYS works on me. In fact I took a pic of her the other day while I was eating pizza because this is what she does EVERYTIME I eat pizza...


Anyhoo...she says SUPER loud..."MAGGIE! Didn't your mommy ever teach you not to beg!"

I just sat there. Maggie didn't move at all. Her focus on treats is olympic medal worthy. Didn't I teach her not to beg! HA! How else are you supposed to get stuff in life?! Honestly lady, maybe you need to take a lesson here...maybe YOU need to start BEGGING your hair stylist to start coloring that thick stripe of gray roots down the middle of your head! TRUE DAT!

Did I mention this is yet another phrase I hear by white girls ALL THE TIME?! In fact I was at Bergdorf's over the weekend (I was just LOOKING) and in the shoe section (LOOKING!) and this insane upper east-sider mom with bleached blonde hair, Chanel stilettos and a Birkin Bag said to her equally obnoxious friend "GOD! I just think Jimmy Choos are getting uglier and uglier as they cater to the masses!" and her friend goes "TRUE DAT GIRLFRIEN'!!" It took all my resolve to not laugh out loud. I shoulda been all "yah! I second dat!"

Only in New York kids, Only in New York!

12 comments:

Karen said...

I have a cat that makes that same face....or actually TAKES the food right off our plates.

Kathy B! said...

I think I must be part lab. Maggie looks awfully similar to me whenever there's ANY good food in the house.

This 1200 calorie a day crap is for the birds.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Puh-lease! Stripey headed bitch is clearly a cyborg if she can resist the soulful gaze of Maggie. I am sitting here smushing puperoni against the screen in hopes of issuing her a virtual treat on the strength of that picture along. Had I seen her do it in person I'd have handed over every foodstuff on my person.

peewee said...

TRUE DAT!

dede said...

did Maggie ever get a treat from the nice lady? Is her name Marge? seems like it should be.

what shoes did you buy???
LOOKING - don't believe DAT GIRLFRIEN'!

Jillybean said...

When I was a kid we had a poodle/terrier mix that would use that same face. She would add a little whine to it and could usually get whatever she wanted.
She thought that if she stared at the door long enough it would open. (and it usually did)
She would also spend a great deal of time staring at a certain spot on the ceiling of our living room. We never did figure out why.

Carin said...

I am with you Maggie....anything for pizza...especially NY pizza!

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

That look is strangely familiar...must be a labrador thing because even my lab mutt has perfected that look. I think you'd look great in a fanny pack!

Counselormama said...

Ugh, what an annoying lady! That would piss me off! I am going to integrate, "True dat" into my daily vernacular, that's funny.

Kristina P. said...

Did you punch her in her fanny pack?

rychelle said...

"but all they do is talk about everyone..... Piety and Judgment run amok."
you're right. just like church.
(oh, no, i di'nt.)

peewee said...

Bloody brilliant Rychelle!