Friday, May 22, 2009

I got chills, that are multiplyin'....for real.

My friend and I took our dogs to the beach today. It was way fun. We met a guy name Louis. He was cute. And flirty. And I was all.."hmmm...maybe.." And then...

MY FRIEND: So, are you in school out here?
HIM: yep!
HER: what year are you?
HER: what school?
HIM: ST. Jude's
HER: college?
HIM: no. High school.

yah. no. I like young...but I gave him my # anyway DO HAVE LIMITS! (he IS 18 which my friend pointed out and said 'well, at least he's not jailbait!'

Then we met donna and her schnauzer. She came up to ask if her dog could play with ours.

"I was watchin' yous twos from afar and I was thinkin' hey! I bet they'll tell me and my crazy ass dog to get the hell outta here you skank! but I'm so glad I did anyway cuz yous twos look like nice girls and I don't have any friends so I was f'in' glad to see yous out here and look how nice yous are! Yous guys should come over to my place. I live third house down the block. The one with dolphins out front! You'll never remember that but you can come by anytime and we'll get stoned and WRECKED cuz F' it anyway! Who the hell cares!?!"

We got her # too...hey...sometimes finding parking by the beach is hard!...and she's 3rd house down!

I got FRIED and I am now sitting on the couch on friday night barely able to move. I mean? what the hell is WRONG with me?!? Who goes to the beach with no sunscreen on? And I just KNOW that my scalp got burned and now i'm gonna have big ole dandruff in a few days and I'll have to spend so.much.time going "no! no! It's NOT DANDRUFF! I'm PEELING. From SUNBURN!"

And can I just say there's NOTHING on TV right now. like NOTHING.

Oh, but the total BONUS? I'm subletting my friend's apt here in NY. And she has been complaining about how her maintenance fees are up to $1,600...MAINTENANCE FEES. MONTHLY. Yah, just TRY to wrap your head around that one. And then a few hours ago she stopped by and had the A/C on WITH the window right next to it fully open. I looked at her puzzled...she says...

"yah. I think the AC is sometimes TOO cold, so I just put it on WITH the open window. That way I get the natural breezes too."

I was dumbfounded and also worried...I mean, I'm paying rent here. And visions of a $500 utility bill flashed before my eyes. Until she says..."yah. I don't care. THE AC is included in the maintenance fee, so I'm just like SCREW 'EM! I'm gonna use it as much as I want!"

Moral of the story?

I am lying here on the couch, air on full blast. And I am NEVER TURNING IT OFF.

This is going to be the BEST SUMMER EVER!!


Meg said...

1600 for maintenance fees? Damn dude. That's like almost three times my rent.

Donna sounds cool. I can't believe she doesn't have any friends. At all.

Oh and uh, I didn't die. I'm not cooking because I can't stand up long enough to do so. Sheesh, you've turned into quite the New Yorker.

Kristina P. said...

My mortgage is less than half that. It makes me sad. And happy that you are there and we get to crash with you!

And I might be watching 24 right now, trying to come up with a witty line when I meet and have sex with Kiefer. Don't tell Adam.

Counselormama said...

Wow, who knew the beach had so many colorful characters? Oh yeah, me! My very first freak story took place on the beach.

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

When you said that you got fried, I totally was not thinking sunburn. ;o)
I think I'm probably like Donna...with less swearing. *sigh* Yep, I think I already even asked you if my dog could play with your dog. I need to get out more....

Kathy B! said...

Can I just tell you what you can get in NC for that price?! Meg will back me up on this as we live down the road from each other...

Enjoy your fresh air and cool A/C. It's *is* a magical combo.

And I still can't reply to your comments, and it's KILLING ME.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for all the good tips! It's sucks to get a sunburn, my face feels the same way and it was done on purpose!HAHHA(Chemical Peel)

Jillybean said...

1600? Maintenence fee?
That's sounds more like a house payment.

Good luck with the sunburn.

rychelle said...

i sure hope zac isn't reading this post.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

How did you leave "The Sunshine State" and not know to use SPF? Was this a calculation based on relative closeness to the equator? Did you also forget a full body wet suit to ward off floating hypodermic needles and a collander to sift the cigarette butts out of the sand in your sunning area? It might have been safer to go get wrecked with Donna or risk Jail time with Louis (at least you would have been indoors).

As I am the whitest person I know, I have been to burnville and I feel for you. My burn avoidance strategy is complete sun avoidance. I probably won't come out of the house until October ;)

Karen said...

The AC on with the window does she think the maintenance fee got to be $1600?

Debbie said...

An 18 year old? Now that is trouble!