Thursday, February 19, 2009

Thursday Morning News Flash

I am SO sick of hearing about bailouts. For real. I mean, I WANNA BE BAILED OUT! When are they gonna bail out my ebay bill? huh? HUH? Bankers, car dealers, homeowners! When do they start bailing out pet owners?? Seriously! A bag of dog food is $50! I wanna bailout! STAT!

I'm obviously watching the morning news, which I gotta say gets better every day. Is it the bad economy? do people just start getting crazier and crazier as the $$$ run out?

Aside from bailouts, here's what I've heard in FIVE minutes.

1. CHIMP goes "bananas" on woman..."FURIOUS GEORGE"
A woman, who raised a chimp as her own child, is sobbing on TV b/c her chimp went off and started attacking her friend, allegedly b/c she gave the chimp Xanax. Here's what she's choking out in between sobs..."I..I..shopped for him, I...I...I...cooked his food...I clothed him...I can't believe this happened..." I feel her pain. Hope Mick never attacks my friends. Especially since I need to put him on Ridalin.

2. Octomom May Be Homeless!
The name alone makes me giggle each time. Makes me think I better not just have 2 kids. Then I'd be called a bi-mom. HAHAHHAHAH. Her house is supposedly going into foreclosure. Hmmph. She'll probably get bailed out.

3.Man Dies After Shoplifting
Man falls over dead after stealing from CVS. Like, literally outside the store. Huh. Wonder what he took?

4. A bank robbery suspect was caught..
...and I quote " They are calling him the salt and pepper robber because of his grey hair." Talk about adding insult to injury! The guy gets busted AND made fun of for being old.

5. A car crashes into clinic!
An "urgent care" clinic. I know it's not funny. And yet...

and then at the VERY end, the last headline is...

...wait for it....

...wait for it....

who cares? why is he in Canada? We CLEARLY need him HERE.

We are in the worst economic time of our lives and these are the headlines.

Also...On OTHER news...I am going to speak my shame this morning.


I..I...I...CRIED during Real Housewives of Orange County. Like, CRIED. I won't say WHY, cuz don't wanna ruin it for everyone! (I know you all watch it. And if you don't I know you WANT to!)


I Tivo'd idol last night and fast forwarded through most all of it JUST to the end because I couldn't WAIT to see Tatiana's face when she lost. That was my sole purpose. I already knew that what's his face with the glasses won, but I couldn't wait to see HER lose!

Yah, I should probably have MY SOUL bailed out.


Kristina P. said...

Wait, you cried during OC? Oh, now I realize why. I had heard that news some time ago.

And Furious George. Hahaha!

dede said...

it was worth the tivo and fast forward to see her cry!! thanks for the best of the best headlines!

rychelle said...

maybe you could get arrested and i could bail you out of jail.
i'd do that for you, cause i'm great like that.

peewee said...

oh rychelle...been there, done that!

Annie Miller said...

love your blog. what else can i say?

Meg said...

Okay, so I thought OctoMommy lived with her parents? 'Cuz where else ya gonna live when you don't have a job and have 14 kids? Unless her parents are fed up with her too.

Poor, poor Furious George. I feel bad for him.

forever folding laundry said...

I'm so sad that OC wives are over for the season. NY wives just aren't the same.

Tatianna's exit from Idol made my night. Seriously. Thank you, America.

Counselormama said...

So a monkey goes ape shit and this makes news? Nobody should be surprised...the real story is the lady raising a wild jungle animal in her home, putting clothes on it, etc. Thanks for always making me laugh, btw!

peewee said...

Her parents are gonna be kicked out too!! This is better than "17 kids and counting..."

Meg said...

Um, I think she'd be called 14 Kids and Counting. It's like they are racing each other. I'm just waiting for this to be a Law and Order SVU storyline. Benson tries to get the 15 removed from the house and mom committed to Bellevue. Can't you see it?

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Your soul is doing just fine. Seriously. Tatiana had to go. Is it wrong that I took special delight in the fact she looked so scorned upon learning of her defeat?

Sometimes laughter at the expense of others is just too good to pass up.