Saturday, February 28, 2009

Can you hear ME? Can You Hear Me at all? Gotta Get the Operator Make a Telephone call...(YAZ:Upstairs at Erics, circa 9th grade)

Uh, I had to go to the EAR doctor yesterday. No, not the EAR,NOSE,THROAT doctor, that we've all heard about. Just ears. At what point, in med school, are you all "you know, I am SO bored trying to be a brain surgeon. But the EARS! ooohhhhh yah. That's the ticket!"

I mean, I know there are specialties, but ears seem so, so boring. EYES! Now THAT's Exciting! And then at what point was someone all "I'm totally bored with just about EAR, NOSE....AND THROAT!!!" (the medical trifecta, as it were) (yah! that's right. I WENT THERE!)

There was a "children's book" on the waiting room table. It was called "Chris Gets Ear Tubes." Wow. I can just see the author sitting at her desk, tapping pencil on her temple.

"what to write? what to write? hmmmm....Nancy gets a Puppy!? nah. BOR-ing! how about, hmmm, Billy gets a BASEBALL BAT! no. no. too predictable. Come ON BETTY! Get your shit together! I KNOW!!! CHRIS GETS GLASSES! mmmmm...almost...but....CHRIS GETS EARTUBES!!!!!! That's MONEY BETTY! PURE MONEY! When I got it I GOT IT! THIS gonna blow THIS BOOK outta the Amazon water!!"

Well, and hey...honestly, one could argue that 'Chris gets Eartubes' is at least more benign than say, this one..

But I think this one probably has a better plot line.

Those were just the things I was thinkin' 'bout as I sat in the Ear Doctor's office. I had already decided that I had a HORRID ear infection. That she was gonna be all "OH MY GOD! you. have. to. go. to. the. emergency. room." What she SAID was "There's no infection. Your ears are healthy. You have TMJ."

say what?

She said a bunch of other non-sense. Something about grinding my teeth at night, getting a mouth guard blah blah.

I didn't like this diagnosis ONE BIT. I had already decided what I had damnit! I wanted a drug to make it GO AWAY.

A mouth guard for the rest of my life? yah. THAT's HOT.

"Come on baby, let's take it into the bedroom...wink wink...let me slip into something, more comfortable...wink you like my negligee? *coy smile* Do you like my football player mouth? *said with sexy lateral lisp*

Anyway, my ear still hurts. I didn't even get Vicodin out of it. AND I can't get out of my workouts anymore either. bleh.

Happy saturday to ME!


Kristina P. said...

Hey, maybe some guys are into that kind of thing!

seriously? said...

Maybe for your next date with freak-a-zoid you can pull out your mouth guard and start singing about it...could be fun or at least something to blog about.

Kathy B! said...

I've heard TMJ can get pretty bad. What a bummer. If I were you, I'd turn around and head to your primary care doctor (forget the ear guy) and DEMAND some Vicodin to, you know, hold you over until the mouth guard gets here. At least you'd be working out with a mellow grin on your face!

Counselormama said...

Ha ha! I had TMJ too, but I ended up getting jaw surgery, long story! And did Seriously just use the word "Freak-a-zoid?" Ha ha ha ha!

peewee said...

THANK YOU KATHY B for your one else has even heard about it. No one FEELS my pain! They're just all 'thank god it's not an ear infection!" And I'm like "BUT IT HURTS LIKE ONE!"

And counselormama? JAW SURGERY?????

Counselormama said...

I had congenital jaw probs! Pretty unusual, oh, and P.S. you had me at your profile pic, I felt an instant connection! We must meet for drinks some time!

Meg said...

That My Beautiful Mommy book is on Amazon and someone posted pictures of the pages. Apparently the deal is that Dr Whats-His-Nuts turns Mommy into a midriff baring fairy.

Funny, I thought that wing addition surgery had to be done in Mexico.

Sorry about the TMJ.

eightlegeddj is following you on Twitter. Yay! Stalking you in two places!

peewee said...

am going to twitter now!!!!

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