CAUTION: Make these "cakes" only if you HATE the person you're giving them to

I have just recently been introduced to Sandra Lee. I then spent the greater part of yesterday watching all the videos I could find on youtube. It was like Christmas had arrived early. I had to wikipedia her to see if she was actually for REAL for real or if she was something created by like, The Onion.

She's for real.

And now I am passing on the love. We start with my most favorite/horrifying. Happy Kwanza!



This came in at a close second.





Seriously. It's almost a hate crime.


And last but not least, The Christmas Extravagannnnzaaa! SPICY!


I would LOVE to leave commentary on these. But they speak for themselves.

killed. me.

'tis the season to choke you with tinsel

Oh Boy. JUST when I got the tree up.

  And downloaded my new FAVORITE Christmas album..(I mean the cover ALONE is enough)

JUST when I received this AWESOME present in the mail...

JUST when I was gettin' Jolly....SOME jackhole had to get into the elevator with me and say (first off, DON'T TALK IN THE ELEVATOR) "Are you having a good day?"

I said, "WHAT?"

She said "Are you having a good day?" (WITH concerned face)(furrowed brows. half smile)

I said "A GOOD DAY?? AM I having a good day?????"

She said, and added more concerned look "yes. Did you have a good day?"

I said " Umm. I guess. yah. sure."

She said, all purposeful and thoughtful like, nodding her head "good. good. Well, the worst is over, right?" Then jumped off.

WHAT?!?!?!??!

Seriously I was clenching my fists. SHE IS SO LUCKY HER FLOOR CAME UP. I mean WTF? Is she one of Santa's self appointed freakin elves? Who asks stupid stuff like that to strangers?? IN AN ELEVATOR?? I could tell she was one of those stupid self imposed do-gooder hippies who aren't hippies cuz they also go to expensive gyms. So they're EVEN MORE pious than regular poor hippies because they see themselves as even BETTER than poor hippies because hey! I am rich AND altruistic! Look at me! Money hasn't ruined me!! la di da di da!

It took like, 4 rounds of mellow style 'Drummer Boy' to calm me down. That and a glass of wine. Let me just tell you this is my first Christmas in 3 years WITHOUT MEDS. I should try one more..

...or just have more wine. I don't even drink btw. But my friends left a bunch of cheap ass two-buck-chuck in my fridge from Thanksgiving. And I dunno, I just instinctually just reached for it tonight. Hopefully I'm not blogging from Celeb rehab this time next year. Anyhoo, IGNORITOL.

I wish I had a cat....

I totally stole this from Dooce, but this make me laugh so damn hard that I just HAD to!

PS. DOn't watch it here...go to youtube cuz I can't figure out how to make the video FIT my screen.

THIS is why I wish a had a kid. A girl kid.

Christian Louboutins! For Barbie!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

My good friend sent me this and I just cracked up so much that I re-watched immediately. Hope you're as stuffed as I am!
xoxo

Saturday Morning Sleep in

Look who's made himself right at home. And yes. That is all mud and dirt. And yes. that is my bed. Aren't you jealous of my FAB life?

girl porn

ZOOBORNS.COM!

You're welcome. Have a great weekend!

Aren't you like 40? Yah...TOP 40, Sweet Cheeks!

My friend arrived on my doorstep this morning with a  thermos of fresh homemade coffee and my present of Ugg slippers!

Now, I LOVE Ugg slippers. And I LOVE coffee.

But as I opened my present I couldn't help but laugh at how, even though I attempted to cancel my bday, my excitement over these old lady gifts was a SURE sign that I have crossed over the 30's threshold. 

The time has come my old, approaching 40 friends, where we get SLIPPERS as presents. 

AND WE LIKE IT.

Now, I for REAL am canceling the birthday where I start getting glass figurines and Hummel collectibles. 

debbie downer

I can't even BELIEVE Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK!?!?!

How is this happening? HOW? It's 80 degrees outside! How am I even supposed to WANT to fire up my oven for a 10 lb turkey when it's SUMMER?? Why can't Cheryl's deliver turkeys WITH their cookies? (And, while I'm making demands/suggestions, I wish they'd give me free cookies for all this advertising I'm doing! )(and also change that name. I mean Cheryl's? Really?)

I'm very cranky these days. Which is EVIDENT given that I haven't even MENTIONED (let alone hinted at all the stuff I want)(with links) my Bday. That is because I have decided that it's cancelled this year.

I am canceling my birthday. (Why does cancelled have two L's and canceling have only one? WHY???)

I'm just not ready. It's too damn hot. And I am too busy playing Cesar Milan to have anything resembling a real life. I just spent another $75 on amazon buying DOG TREATS, which is ALMOST more shameful than my cookie splurge of last week.

I need a vacation. Somewhere cold. NO DOGS ALLOWED.


If I don't get a vacation soon I may end up back on my therapists couch which I SO don't wanna do A.Because I'd rather spend my money on cookies shoes and B. I'd probably just lie about everything because I've clearly regressed since my last sessions a couple years ago. I just don't know how I could fess up to a third dog, a cookie PROBLEM, AND how I almost kicked someone out of my class last week because she was chewing gum AND wore giant furry boots on an 80 degree day. I mean THAT is totally justified....but the third dog? No way. Shame central!

Maybe I should just go to Chipotle. That always make the world seem a brighter place. And speaking of that, I'll leave you with this article which is hilarious....

HOW TO EAT AT CHIPOTLE

Namaste!

**Thanks Vanessa's Facebook

Keep! Coming! Back!

If only there were an anonymous weekly meeting for my life. Not anything specific. But just a general "F*cked-ups Anonymous" type meeting to cover it all.

"Hello. My name is Yogabitch. And I am F*CKED UP"

I'm not sad about it or anything. It would just be nice to have a support group is all. A sea of nodding heads going "yah....been there. Done that. You spent your rent money on ONE pair of shoes? ME TOO!"

"You purposely farted near that one super annoying chick in yoga? After a lunch of Indian food? Extra spicy curry? Yup. That was my twenties, girl!"

You have 29 different bottles of hair product on your shelf? That you don't use? But they're FRENCH! Yah. I got a CLOSET full of the stuff. You GO GIRL!"

if only.

But then again. I have you guys. SO Just nod and smile and know you're not alone. No matter how BAD you might think you act....there's me.

Hello.

My name is YogaBitch.

And I am F*cked up. I've been in a downward shame spiral for the last two weeks. Rock bottom? Well. Let's hope. But I have a feeling it's just more of the same ole same ole.

1. My SUPER awesome friends sent me a WHOLE BOX. (36!) Of the best cookies IN.THE.WORLD. last week. It was a total surprise. I thought it was a box of books I had ordered from amazon. (see #2) I'm sure you're already predicting that OF COURSE I ate the entire box. My friends even told me how well said cookies "freeze." yah. We, (the cookies and I) never made it that far. But you knew that already. Cut to ONE WEEK LATER where I ended up on that website ordering not ONE but TWO more boxes. (this cookie company is VERY manipulative) Delivered TO ME. FROM ME. The shame. Especially when you go to check out and the pop-up  says "include gift message?" and you click "No, proceed to checkout." I spent $75. On cookies. FOR MYSELF. When they do finally arrive I will put on my best "OH MY GOSH LOOK WHAT SOMEONE SENT ME" face.

2. I can't stop ordering books on Amazon. (But at least they're not cookies) Some of them are teen books. For teens. Maybe I can at least re-gift them to my nephew. or something. But they're SO good! 

3. I may be single. But I'm not lonely! Who says money can't buy love? 11 inches of love! Best part? When I'm tired I just slam it shut. And when I need it again? It comes up instantly. No need to wait and wait for reboot. God Created Adam, Eve, and Mac. Right? This is NORMAL! Right?

4.What's wrong with this picture? Yep. That's one....two...THREE??? Whatevs. Call me Kody Brown. I've brought in a third. What? Love should multiply! I keep saying he's just visiting. Until I get him a real home.  No one believes me. I swear he's NOT STAYING! And I'm starting my diet again. Tomorrow! (except I think that's when my two cookie boxes will arrive) (but no matter...HE'S NOT STAYING)

You're up next. Take the podium. Make me feel like I'm not alone here.

Why is the comments section empty?

WHY???????

Just another average Monday night

Last night was your typical go see a Nicole Kidman Movie WITH Nicole Kidman sitting a few feet away, and then talking about the movie after.

I know I know. My life is as Bipolar as, well, as my personality. (Thanks Mom!)

I go from being a shut-in playing endless "words with friends" eating granola bars by the box, to a casual movie on  a monday night where Hey! There's Nicole Kidman. Just sitting there. Right there. In a V neck tee and khakis talking about making a movie as any normal person would discuss baking cookies.

The Movie is called Rabbit Hole and it was VERY VERY good. Seriously, when it's released in DEC. you should go see it.  No one fainted in this movie. When Nicole (we're on a first name basis now) discussed the movie she was incredible and approachable and I might have to say it's the best performance I've ever seen from her. You will be surprised. Trust me on this one.YogaBitch IS the new Ebert.


Once in a blue moon Living in LA is tolerable. I mean. Don't think I'm boasting here. It was Nicole Kidman. Not Zac Efron! But having nights like last night  make up for Driving around in late oct with your AC blasting just so you can wear your cute new sweater.

Oh, you know. Monday stuff.

Seriously, when this movie comes out go see it. Even if you're all "I don't wanna." Just do. I saw it this weekend and not one, not two, but THREE people fainted at a certain scene. If nothing else it makes you grateful for your arms. For me, it made me grateful that I hate hiking and nature and therefore will keep my arms thankyouverymuch.


Subject changer:
Yah! That's RIGHT! Don't think you're gonna mess with me and my RAJ and QI and ADZ. (it's pretty sad that in my free time I actually look up J words and try to memorize them)

Has anyone eaten these? Cuz I can't stop and was just wondering. They're worse than Girl Scout cookies   because I keep saying in my head "They're GRANOLA bars, which = HEALTHY!

yah. that sums up my weekend.

RANT

This week the episode of Glee was a re-run. But I watched it anyway and it made me sad, because THAT is the Glee I know and love. It's so, so, different now. Sad frowny face.

And then this morning I came across THIS. The "innocent" Lea Michele.

Are you Effing kidding me? I'm not even one to be prude about this stuff. But what made the show so amazing was it's innocence AND humor AND that dash of WRONG it always had. But it's gone from a perfect balance to every other slutty teen show out there. And this photo shoot for GQ just seals the deal. I mean, THEY PLAY 16 yr olds! I don't care if they're 20 in real life. UGH! I hate when everything GREAT in Hollywood gets destroyed. 

And while I'm all worked up....I HATE THIS CONVERSATION:

Normal conversation about the housing market turns deadly...

SOMEONE: Hey, remember Jim blah blah. My friend from 20 yrs ago?

ME: um, no

S:YOU KNOW. That guy I was friends with in High school, down the block, with the red hat?

ME: ummmmm, NO.

S: YOU KNOW. His mom grounded him for prom and we used to hang out?

ME: NO! Anyway....

S: Okay, so anyway, I RAN INTO HIM!!!!! Can you believe he married has 5 kids and is now Mormon?! CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THAT!??!?! ISN'T THAT CRAAAAAAAZY?

ME: uh huh. yah sure. And?

S: So anyway, Turns out he lives in the neighborhood and just sold his house. 

ME: And?

S: OH! He's the guy that one Christmas who came to that one party! You gotta remember THAT!

ME: NO!!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE IS! Just finish the story....

S: K, well, anyway HE sold HIS  house so I am sure the market is going up....

ME: Thats dandy. So, when do you wanna go to lunch?

S: Wheneve...HEY! I know! He's the one who couldn't go to graduation because he got in that car wreck....YOU KNOW!

Happy Monday!

This one cracks me up every.single.time.



And if you REALLY wanna laugh, go over to Kristina's Blog today.

BEST.DAY.EVER.

This was just one of those magical days where unexpectedly EVERYTHING unfolds in a magical way.

Let me tell you about it.

- Dogs sleep IN b/c was drizzly dark day (my FAVORITE) Not rain. just nice mist.

-Have best Mexican Mocha over Skype with friends in DC. No, not Housewife friends, actual real live friend friends.

- Taught  one hour class where not one but TWO girlfriends come. (girl. friends. am not polygamist lesbian.)
 -No Asshogis come to class this morning. (ass+hole+yogis)
- Had incredible brunch where EVERYTHING ammmmmmaaaaaaayyyyyyyyzing. We keep saying that over and over, way only set of 3 lesbian polygamists can do.
-Brunch place CONVENIENTLY located next to Sprinkles. Clear choice. Get some to go.
 For later.

-Because housekeeper here all day, we decide is perfect day to then get mani/pedi's.
-mani/pedi place messed up credit card numbers and charged me 24 instead of 42!! (would normally point this out buuuuuuutttttt have walked out of this particular place with hack job TEN too many times) so. YAY!
-THEN decide HUNGRY!..... AGAIN! Obviously....CHEESECAKE FACTORY! Scored FREE cheesecake b/c had awesome waiter. New Peanut butter flavor! DIED.

-Had to walk off Cheesecake Factory coma...Nordstrom Obvious destination. Talk friend into getting her first pair Uggs. She buys TWO. (evil snicker)
-Go to kid section to get her KID first pair Uggs. She gets him TWO. (double evil snicker)
-Find out that KID uggs $40 LESS THAT ADULT UGGS!?!?!? ALSO find out can fit in largest possible kid size. Score Uggs for ME!!! $40 cheaper! Who knew?!?!??! (friend evil snickers)

-b/c of multiple Ugg purchases finally qualify for PLATINUM shopper status=FREE VALET FOR A YEAR!!!! (am loyal and good customer)
-Come home to sparkly clean house
-Make first fireplace fire.  SUCCESSFULLY. (turns out all it takes is "starter log"...who knew?)

-Put on new uggs, lie on couch, watch Sister Wives, Dexter. AND Kardashians.
-Is perfect day

If you're good, REALLY good....this could be waiting for you under the tree this year.

Just when you thought life couldn't get worse than the Snuggie. Here comes the Booty Buddy Blanket!

The ad reads "It's a blanket AND a poncho!"

Yes. Because I have been saying ALL ALONG that if ONLY SOMEONE would release a new southwestern stylized poncho, that I can SLEEP in!

Also, Thank GOD someone finally put a hood on this thing because I am telling you, that snuggie was hugely lacking without the hoodie. My head is just freezing when I walk around the house.

Too bad it's lacking cup holders and an ipod hook up. Otherwise I'd be ordering it now.

I mean, the ADULT Tiger is tempting....and HOT.....RAWWWWR. But again, no cup holders.

Although....they ALMOST had me at the Penguin....

I wonder at which point the "executives" narrowed the choices down to 'tiger and penguin?'

Happy Saturday! Go See the Movie 'LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.'

I have been waiting and waiting for this movie to come out. And now it is! First off, JOSH DUHAMEL! I've loved him since his All My Children days. I feel as if I discovered him. Like, "I knew him way back when." I know. Just add it to my HUGE list of delusions. It'll be right up there with that size 6 skirt hanging in my closet as my "goal outfit"....from 1998.

Second... GREG BERLANTI is the Director!!!! I could list all his accomplishments here. But really, for me, he had me at The Broken Hearts Club. I have been a loyal and worshipping follower since then and I LOVE seeing him rise to the King of Hollywood. Also? He's hot.

SO there you go. If anyone, from say LA/San Diego wants to join me I'll buy the Mochas!!

I'm in the mooooood for loooove....Pumpkin Pie Love, That is!

EVERYTHING YOU NEED FOR A COZY NIGHT IN....

Nothing inspires me to shop like Fall. NOTHING! Here are my most favorite items right now. DO yourself a favor and indulge in at least ONE of these. Because You deserve it! (I really should write a motivational book, no?)(I would call it...Why to Buy: All the reasons to say YES at the sales counter!)

GET THESE SHOES! I've been over Kate Spade since early 2000. But She's back. With a Vengeance! A sparkly sparkly Vengeance!

PS. I don't get paid for ANY of this. But I should! RIght Kate? RIGHT?!?!?! (WILL WORK FOR SHOES)

And then take THIS with you to your pedicure place....

It's called Bad Romance.  'nuff said.

These are some of my favorite candles...one, because I LOVE the scents and two, because they're SO CHEAP!!! What's not to love? Just whisper those three magic words....two for one

Mrs. Meyers has THE BEST cleaning products ever. I have been a fan for ages. If you ever come over you will see my kitchen stocked and the best part is they have seasonal flavors too!! This year is orange clove. I ALWAYS rotate between Basil and Geranium. And they're won't break the bank. I heart this company. HIRE ME! only if employess get free samples

I bought this sweater yesterday as a treat for being SO GOOD on my diet. I say, when you can't buy oreos...BUY VINCE! I know it SEEMS expensive, but when you live in it every single day, AND YOU WILL, it only ends up costing like...I don't know. JUST GET IT!

 

EVER has the softest hoodies, well, ever. This particular one is my MOST favorite because it is all baggy and snuggly and and....put it on your wish list. 

Mmmmm. Caramels. These are my favorite. By far. They go oh so well with coffee. Yes. In the morning. Hey. whatever gets you through the day I say! I wish I knew the woman who started this company. We'd be friends. Better yet I wish we were NEIGHBORS! Would bring a whole new concept to "borrowing a cup of sugar"

I'm addicted to the shopaholic books (shocking!)(It's like I'm reading my own autobiography)...so when this came out I couldn't order it fast enough. I haven't even started it yet because I'm saving it for the perfect fall day. 

If you don't live near Trader Joe's....MOVE. They have these 100 calorie dark chocolate bars that are TO DIE FOR! AND only 100 calories!!!! There are 5 in a box. Which means they intend for you to have one a day MON-FRI. I'm SURE that's what they intended. AND they're only $1.99!!! Seriously I am so hooked on these that if you want to send me the $$$, I will ship them to you! **there's milk choc too, but haven't tried those.

K, Wallaby Yogurt. It's Yogurt. It's Dark Chocolate. I can't say more. I could only find it at stupid hateful assWHOLE Foods....but I'm sure they have it other places too. I think I eat one a day. They have a delicioso Lemon too. WHEN will these guys make a pumpkin pie yogurt?! PLEASE!!!!

Mistral is by far my MOST favorite bar of soap. You can't go wrong with the whole brand, but OH THE WINTERBERRY!   I usually find them at Anthropologie, if you wanna test the scent first. But trust me on this one. 

I could list about 20 things from Fresh that I can hardly live without. So many great bath products, so little time. But this is my newest favorite!!   (the nectarine lotion comes in at a close second) (oh, and the lemon sugar spray) (I'll stop) (this also matches the shoe/nail polish combo listed above)(just saying)

If this stuff doesn't make for one hell of a Fall evening I don't know what will.  

xoxo,

yogabitch

FALL, You complete me.

Today was actually cold enough for me to wear Uggs AND have a pumpkin spice latte at the bucks. I'm in SUCH a good mood! WITH NO MEDS! I swear, I hope by the time I retire, I have inherited earned enough money to build a huge retirement center where the AC is set to 65 at all times and the leaves are painted fall colors year round and Pumpkin scent is pumped through the vents and and we'll call it FALL LAND.

Um, I'm watching Oprah in the background and she just gave her entire audience..........a $25 gift card to Michaels. I bet they were SO PISSED that they weren't the "Australia" audience or the "FREE CAR" audience. I mean, how shameful to come home from your trip to Oprah, with a $25 Michael's Gift card?!?! HAHAAHA!!

Oh man, can today get any better?!

It's not MSNBC....but it's close.

Ah. perfect morning. It's drizzling outside, kinda sorta almost chilly, hot coffee in hand. Dare I say it might be, gulp, FALL?

Last night I watched for the first time, TLC's Sister Wives. I literally watched it with my mouth open. FOR SOME reason I thought this was a scripted show which is why I haven't watched it up until now. I was kinda sick of the whole polygamy thing, Big Love aside. (I mean, they were the pioneers...HA! Pioneers! ha!... of the polygamy popularity) But a for real, real live reality show?? I was in Celestial Kingdom!

Seriously this is the best show. I mean the title is lame. I would have gone with say, The Real Housewive's Wives of Utah or Wife Hoarders or Say YES YES YES and YES to the dresses! or perhaps Wife Hunters. 

But the show! THE SHOW! Is just so good. I mean, these women canNOT hide their emotion. The main guy, Kody, is basically courting a 4th wife, Robyn, who was introduced to him by his first wife Meri. (WHAT is with the name spelling, you rogue Mormons you?!) (oh and don't get me started with the names in this show. One little girl is NAMED Banana) Anyway...the wives are all talking about Robyn who is much younger at 30, and one of them says "she's cute. Real pretty. Am I jealous? no. Kody's a good man. He deserves a trophy wife. He deserves a cute girl." And the camera goes over to one of the other wives who looks PISSED at that comment, like she is DYING to be all "BITCH PLEASE, I AM THE TROPHY WIFE"

What I realized, again, in watching this show is that I watch WAYYYY too much HGTV and that it's affecting my life. When Kody moved Robyn into a new house I was all..."Those aren't even granite countertops! No stainless appliances??? LAMINATE FLOORS???? Cheap bastard!"

So yah. My move to TLC from HGTV may be a lateral one, but I think it's good I branch out at this point in ANY direction.

Ladies...watch your purse....

someone left a purse in a bar and when the bartender went through it to find the owner this list was in there. I am DYING laughing!!!! Also...what is a moondoggy??? a dessert?? If this is YOUR list fess up!

I mean Geez! I thought I had a lot to do on MY 'to do' list! This may even beat Kristina's annual resolutions!

Thursday mash-up

 QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"You could taste the resentment in her cookie"

-judge on Top Chef Just Desserts

RE: Glee's Britney Episode....I'm only gonna say this once cuz it's just embarrassing...john stamos has never been hotter.

there.

Also for my one friend, you know who you are, who 5 yrs ago said, and I quote "I'm sorry, but Britney is totally OVER." 

yah. HHHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAH! 

It's hard always being right. but SOMEone's gotta do it.

UNRELATED: (but in the theme of music)

Here's a video for your almost-friday-but-not-quite-day. Oh man. This cracked me up. I'm gonna start doing this for when people annoy me in class. It's a long one but It's worth it. watch it during your lunch break or something.  mmmm...lunch....not a good sign to be craving lunch already at 8 am.....but mmmm, LUNCH!!!

Seriously. I can barely type. My fingers have melted into the keys. This has, thus far been the CRAPPIEST fall in the history of all Falls. Can I just tell you that it was 113 degrees on monday. 113! In downtown LA. They THINK, because actually once it hit 113 the thermometer broke.

Which brings me to the poor poor state of Ca that the entire city of LA has only ONE thermometer apparently. And YET Lloyd, the park caretaker at my local park, was showing off the new fancy park garbage cans which are electronic and have a light telling you when it's full or not. Hmmmmmm. Well, anyway, Lloyd LOVES those cans so that makes me happy. Especially since last month he was bitching to me about how he now has to take forced friday no pay furloughs. They can't pay the park people but they CAN pay for electronic garbage cans. hmmmmmm.

But whatevs. I saw two AWESOME movies this week. The Social Network (MUST SEE!) and Wall Street (ALSO MUST SEE!) When the weather is scary hot, movies are the way to go. So go see those movies!! (although seeing two movies where people are dealing in the BILLION dollar spending bracket, your target bargain buys may seem less significant)

And for my last complaint...how am I supposed to buy hoards of halloween candy bars when it's too damn hot to eat them?????

Some stuff to make your MONDAY better!

Will.I.am. ROCKS!! (you'll be humming this all day. trust.) (if it doesn't make you smile all day long, you might be needing "depressed turtle" --see below)

On other fronts, A german toy company has released Stuffed animals with mental illnesses! 

HAHA! FINALLY! Man, when I was a kid the most we ever had as diversity was a black baby doll. If someone had just given me OCD hippo I wouldn't have felt like such an outsider! And seriously, don't you just wanna give depressed turtle one giant hug!? Would my sister in law be offended if I got one of these for her new nursery?? I'm loving the identity crisis sheep, which for all purposes, might actually be useful for my poor soon to be born irish/polish niece or nephew.

If facebook existed YEARS ago....

**Thanks dad!

J. Timberlake...watch out! There's a new Automation in town!

This is a boy band music video ad....

....FOR BIOLOGICAL LAB EQUIPMENT.

"pipettin' all those well plates baby, sends your thumbs into over dri-ive... Spendin' all nights in a lab makes it hard for your love to thri-ive..."

yes. yes it DOES make it hard for my love to thrive!

Make sure you watch to the end because it just gets better and better and yes you WILL be humming this tune....Girl, it's time to automa-ate!!

I'm thinking my new name will be "K money dawg"

Last night in Hip Hop, a brotha came up to me after class. He said, and I quote "GIRL....I don't know who you are but you BETTER be comin' back every single day because I saw you and you got it! GIRL...YOU.GOT.IT!(snaps his fingers)

Oh, and before you ask.
1. No, he's not blind (I don't think)
and
2. No, he's not special ed. (pretty sure)
and
3. NO, he's NOT from the insane asylum (most likely)
and
4. NO, he's not the owner who just wants my $$$ (is he?)

He just CLEARLY recognizes latent hipster talent when he sees it.

THAT or maybe he was just encouraging the poor fatty oldie whitey spaz in the back.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

If this doesn't make your day I don't know what will.

Yep. i STILL got it~I'm HAUTEyogabitch

I was flipping through "the top 10 hair trends for fall" and I almost fell off my bed to see that MY HAIR IS TRENDY AGAIN!!!!






I am SO relieved. JUST when I was gonna drop a full car payment on a Brazilian blow dry! Yippee! I wonder when lunch lady arms will be back in?!?! It's around the corner. I can feel it!!

just sad

Has it seriously been 2 whole weeks since I've blogged?? Seriously? I think this is a serious sign that all I've been doing for 2 whole weeks is watching HGTV. I'm on a downward spiral here. I probably need an intervention of some kind. I haven't even watched ANY normal shows (well, except the housewives and the kardashians)(if you can call those normal)(which you really can't)

ANYWAY....I'm even watching Divine Design as we speak. And yes. yes I have registered to win the Urban Oasis apt. in NYC.

Old age is not suiting me well. These are shows MY PARENTS WOULD BE WATCHING.

THAT

AND

I've been taking hip hop classes. yah. you read that right.

HIP

HOP

Can we say DENIAL folks?! If I were a guy, hip hop classes would be my hairplugs.

It's tragic. I need a vacation. Or SOMEthing. Someone write a letter about me to Dr. Phil. QUICK! Save me!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS. ANyone watching "thintervention?" HILARIOUS.

Happy "LABOR" DAY!

Just call me Lady Bump Bitch

I can't stop watching this cuz it's fascinating and hilarious and and....they call me LADY BUMP! What?



Love the hair. LOVE the screams. Love the bad dancing. Love the line "they call me lady bump...just look at me and you'll know why".... cuz I have NO IDEA why. Love the really bizarro decor. LOVE IT ALL!

It's always good to have goals.

Ah. For ONCE it's all chilly and foggy in sunny LA. I am snuggled up in bed, laptop on lap, mug of steaming coffee in hand, wrapped up in my new fluffy white spa robe, recently "purchased" from Fat Ranch Camp. ('gift with purchase' is what I say!) Life is grand....

....until it gets to 100 degrees today as the news is reporting. Yuck. I am the rare individual who HATES heat and summer. The word SEPTEMBER is like music to my ears. Fall is my FAVORITE time of year! YAY FALL! Anything ending in 'ember' is JOY JOY JOY!

Fall is like My New Year. I like to set goals and plans. THIS year I am turning the big FOUR -OH. So I am for sure diving right into mid life crisis mode WHAT AM I DOING WHO AM I WHERE AM I GOING IN LIFE AND WHY DO I STILL LOVE OREOS AT THIS AGE???

When I take an inventory of my life I have this...TWO Lazy ass dogs,



TWO cars...one of which I DON'T EVEN WANT, a very yellow living room, and a serious new addiction to House Hunters on HGTV. The fact that I even WATCH HGTV is s HUGE sign of crossing over to the dark side of adulthood. I LOVE THIS SHOW. Why do old people love homes so much?? I can't get enough of it. And when I do a tivo binge I feel dirty afterwards. I feel like HGTV is the new Lawrence Welk/Merv Griffin show. it just screams I AM OLD NOW. Well, at least I haven't started watching Wheel of Fortune and Price is Right...YET. (if you have to do a google search on Lawrence Welk and or Merv Griffin because you have no idea who they are? I HATE YOU)

SO. My goal for this new year? Marry rich and have a baby and have Candice Olson do a divine design on my nursery and kitchen. Shallow? sure. But all I have to say is...it's all about the backsplash in the kitchen. Basket weave marble here I come!