how people in the background can ruin a picture

one of THOSE days...already....

It is only 10 am and right now, as I am TRYING to be on my computer doing, STUFF, all three dogs are in my very small office, Beck is panting on me, so close to my body that we are practically ONE, Mick is under my chair, doing TWO things, simultaneously
holding maggies Ball in his mouth, and chewing on the chair. I don't know how he is accomplishing this, but if I LOOK DOWN to see it will only excite him and he'll be all "OH.MY.GOD. SHE'S LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!" and then he'll do both things more fervently. And Maggie is barking right in his face, under my chair because he won't give up the ball. And then looking at me barking at me so I can get rid of/discipline him. While she's barking she keeps lunging under my chair to get at him.

So if you were ever considering getting a dog?

A. Read the Bible instead...WAY more quiet.
B. Consult me first, cuz I have a couple of Extras that you can just HAVE.

Keep on Movin

how much did you want to be one of them?!

Sunshine Day

I just HAD to post this. I mean, it puts a pep in my step EVERY TIME!

Chinese Astrology is SO RIGHT

I just did one of those facebook applications on chinese astrology (if you're not on facebook -dede-carin-then you HAVE to join! there are GREAT fun surveys and stuff) and even though I knew I was born in the year of the dog (duh)('splains a lot, huh) which means I am loyal and needy, etc....but THIS reading was DEAD ON. So much so that I began to giggle....and the reason why dede couldn't keep the paisley country wallpaper on this site!

These were listed as the negative traits...

nasty, mean-spirited, disagreeable, bad-tempered, self-righteous, judgmental, quarrelsome, accusing, nervous, anxious and impossible to live with

HA! I just love that now I have an excuse! I can't HELP it. I was, unfortunately born under the DOG sign?! (shrug of my shoulders here)(plus an innocent face)

and then it said They can march in and take control of a situation, even when it doesn't involve them directly. This can lead people to think Dogs are nosy or gossipy, but in reality, he just means well.

see? I just MEAN WELL.

and then it finishes with They are bold, unafraid to disagree out loud about anything they feel is unjust or unfair.

YAH! you WILL BE HEARING FROM ME APPLE!!

i-assholes

I am seriously ABOUT TO KILL SOMEONE AT APPLE!!

I just found out today, when I went to teach my class, and went to USE MY IPOD/IPHONE for music, THAT IT DOESN'T PLAY ON A STEREO LIKE THE REGULAR IPOD DOES!!!!

I bought that damn phone TO REPLACE MY STOLEN IPOD!

And now I can't even USE IT!!!

Which MEANS that I have to go buy ANOTHER IPOD.

I SERIOUSLY hate apple right now. Why do they have to do stuff like that when they COULD MAKE IT EASY. It's blatantly ripping us (me) off! They did this with the nano/nike thing. So when I actually paid the $125 for the nike shoes AND the little ipod nike adaptor so you can track your runs, etc, only to find out that I CAN'T use my regular ipod...I would have to buy the nano only!!! Why? it is SO unfair.

But I forgave them, well because I HAD to. It's like forgiving your drug dealer for whatever because you know he's THE ONLY drug dealer in town.

That's what Apple does to us, and THEY KNOW IT!

I am full of hate. And here I was on a hawaii high and they totally killed my buzz.

And the worst part?

I will still have to buy their stupid products. this is blackmail. extortion. I wonder if I can sue?

Mahalo day 5

heres something else amazing about Hawaii. Kona coffee! I was planning on buying a few pounds for me and also for my coffee drinking buddies. Then I discovered that the CHEAP kona coffee is $40 per lb and the normal kind is $50 per lb.

What the fuck?

I am NOT paying that price for coffee.....

On other people!

Hawaii day two

here's one thing I love here...they have new flavors of pringles like spicy guacamole and bacon ranch.
Bacon.
ranch.
pringles.
I am moving here.

Aloha

I. Just. Landed in kona! I am blogging from my iPhone. It took me 30 mins just to type that. For real. This keyboard is made for midget anorexics. First thing I did was eat kona coffee ice cream. Yay me.

i-manipulation

fine. I got the iphone, but I'm NOT happy about it (lies..of course I am obsessed)(but still NOT HAPPY!)

The apple store is satan's lair. First off, I went in there all "i am NOT getting the iphone today. I am ONLY getting the nano. that's the plan. i can NOT get an iphone because I absolutely do not need it" ( i really believed this, mind you)

THEN I saw the nano, 4 gigs for $149...buuuutttt then I figured well, why would I pay $149 for 4 gigs, when the classic ipod is only $249 for 80 gigs! right? THAT would have been a waste of money!

And then I was all "well, if I'm GOING to spend $249 on an ipod, then I mean, I may as well, just go ahead and spend the extra $150 for the iphone, because you know, I was gonna get the iphone ANYWAY this summer, so if I get it NOW then it's like getting the phone for $149. And then I was all "the $399 iphone is 8 gigs, so i may as well spend the extra $100 for 16 gigs (double the space. Bargain!) (my dad would call this "funny math")

And then i was all "i better walk around so I can talk myself OUT of this."

And then, just as I was about to just get the ipod, my friend I went with was looking at covers for HER iphone, and I THEN I saw THE CUTEST Paul Frank iphone cover ($30!! for a piece of rubber the size of my dog's paw!) ( I wonder if the 'Michelin' man is all "DAMN! I went the wrong direction!!") I REALLY wanted the cover, and you know, Paul frank didn't just make a classic ipod cover, so that was the beginning of the end. I wanted the cover...and the phone that would fit in it.

Now, what makes apple SO evil, is that IF I wouldlhave stood in line to pay, I probably would have (maybe) been all "no, I'm putting this back. this is CRAZY" But no, As I grabbed the iphone and cover, a random sales person had a portable credit swiper ON HIS BELT and was all " I'll ring that up for you right now. your card?" I was in a nervous frenzy. and I was all "you mean, right here? like I don't have to BE IN LINE??" And before I finished that sentence, he had completed the transaction and put my stuff in a bag. i didn't even see where he got that bag!

I got home and put it on my desk and just looked at it. I wasn't happy or excited, I was more like "how did THAT happen?" (funny, I did the same thing when I brought Mick home)

So this just continues the LONG line of bad decisions I am making this year.

But still....check out this cover!


MISTAKE #2


MISTAKE #1

Let's pray there's not a #3 anytime soon. And let's pray that #3 isn't me blogging "hey! guess what? I got married in Vegas!"

i-thief

some ass clown stole my Ipod today! I feel so, so lost. And I am SO PISSED because I was planning on buying an iphone in july, when my sprint contract is up, and hopefully when the new 16 gig price goes down. This was THE PLAN.

and NOW what do I do?? I NEED my ipod. my life revolves around that, mostly because how am I supposed to workout without it? I simply can't! How can you expect someone to run on a treadmill without music???

WAAHAAA.

I can't just buy another ipod. Because I want the iphone. I can't just buy an iphone because it isn't THE PLAN. Also, I refuse to pay for two phones. also I can't justify that kind of expense right now.

ARGHHHHH.

I am SO SO MAD at the thief! They better not LOOK AT MY DOG PICS!!

Actually, it's more likely that I lost it. But I dunno. it's easier to be angry at a thief, than angry at myself for probably leaving it somewhere. I don't LIKE being oldddddd. WHy couldn't I just have misplaced Mick?!

WHY ME? WHY ME!?

here's an email I got from a totally annoying yoga teacher who works at my same company...

Hey, are you an actress at all?

my reply: nope. why?

her reply: well, i am shooting an independent film and there's a part that call for a CURVY, SWEET, SENSITIVE GAL.


FIRST OFF....GAL? really?

SECOND....I AM NOT SWEET AND SENSITIVE!

THIRD....how retarded is she? and who the hell writes a movie with a fat sweet sensitive GAL? fat people are mean and bitter because they can't eat a whole bag of oreos in front of people. And WHO writes that to a co-worker WHO IS NOT YOUR FRIEND?

I swear next time I see her, I will punch her in the throat. Then maybe she'll think twice about that 'sweet' comment!

these are a few of my favorite things...

My friend Eve found these for me at anthropologie, and they were THE LAST ones there and they had been returned at that. But I snatched em up because really? THEY.ARE.SO.CUTE.
They're so cute that I keep opening them and looking at them. I don't even want to use them for fear that I won't be able to buy more. I immediately went to their website to see other patterns, but this was the cutest, and they're even on back order. I love making cd's for people, but let me just tell you, that if you ever get a cd from me with these on them? then you will most likely be in my will too.
I hope when I die and go to heaven, it is filled with things like this.

FAST FOOD FRENZY

SCENE: McDonalds drive thru, lunch time

(the kind of drive-thru where once you give in to the sin you are about to commit, there's no turning back. literally)

BLACK GIRL IN JETTA IN FRONT OF THE LINE: (she's "talking" to the lady behind her, leaning out her front window)(I am the innocent bystander who's next)
"I SAID BACK OFF BITCH!

BLACK GIRL IN CABRIO: DON'T TALK TO MELIKE THAT YOU FUCKIN BITCH!!

JETTA BITCH: I'LL TALK TO YOU ANY WAY I WANT TO BITCH! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DON'T LISTEN CUZ YOU A STUPID BITCH! NOW BACK THE FUCK OFF!

CABRIO BITCH: I DON'T LISTEN TO CRAZY BITCHES. YOU LEARN TO TALK TO ME NICE, THEN I'LL BACK OFF.

JETTA BITCH: (Gets out of jetta) YOU BACK OFF MY BUMPER RIGHT NOW YOU CRAZY STUPID FUCKING BITCH!! YOU AIN'T GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS CUZ YOU THINK I'M JUST A BLACK WOMAN YOU CAN PUSH AROUN'.

CABRIO BITCH: (gets out.) (me: am v v afraid I might lose my life in this gangsta girl fight all because i had a chicken nugget craVing.)
I'M A AFRICAN AMERICAN TOO YOU STUPID BLACK BITCH

JETTA BITCH: I DON'T CARE WHAT U ARE CUZ WHAT YOU ARE NOT IS OFF MY BUMPER. NOW BACK THE FUCK UP!!



They never did leave. ever. and while they stayed, screaming, the McPeople still hand delivered everyone's food, including theirs. so as soon as cabrio bitch got her food, she got back in her car, shut her door, and started eating her fries, still fuming, while they waited for the police. in the drive thru.


guess I won't be giving in to those cravings again anytime soon. though i did get my nuggets for free.

this is a test. this is only a test of the emergency broadcraft system...

UPDATE: she changed the site to the coolest design ever! and it's MUCH more mean looking!!

i know, you're probably all "waiiiiitt....where am I? did i put in the right URL? waittttt....it looks like a nice, kind, crafty person blogs here...but.but.but....

don't adjust your computer. You're in the right spot. My incredibly talented friend, after many many threatening emails from me, begging, pleading, for her to tell me all she knows, designed my blog. (she cut her losses, and just did it for me, knowing full well it would have taken her the greater part of the summer to explain it all to me)

When i first signed on it was like christmas all over again. my eyes lit up in awe, I hunted around for all the little bells and whistles she added. Then I looked again and realized that her job was TOO good. it looks warm and inviting, like i might be blogging about my plucky kids, or my latest perfect bun recipe (i do have the perfect recipe, i just somehow can't make them weigh less than 3 lbs each) (which is why dede went ahead and just did this for me) or like i might start a knitting circle with my nice, kind, friends. I don't even think i can type swear words on here. heck.

yyyyyahhhh. Now, being that I'm me, and can't just accept her cute blog design, i email her, like the demanding client that i am, and tell her "ummm, i need a wallpaper that looks more, mmmm, how should I say, MEAN. yah...I need a mean looking wallpaper so people aren't duped.

and being the she's her she writes back, not "F*** OFF! YOU UNGRATEFUL, UNTALENTED HACK!" like I would have. No she writes, "i know...i actually looked for a meaner wallpaper, but couldn't find any. maybe you could start a mean wallpaper business!"

she should be the next president. think of how the whitehouse would look!! she would give saddam a haircut, outfit him at The Gap and have him baking buns in the kitchen with mitt romney in matching aprons.

anyway...i hope this wallpaper, while it's up, doesn't make me, gulp, nicer. hurry up and find the mean scrapbook sites dede!

three blind annoying mice....

i just went to take mick to the vet to get fixed. (Mick's fix! HA!) (i see a kid's book happening here)

At any rate, I was driving down santa monica blvd, a VERY busy street, and at a stop sign, right when I stopped, was this blind guy who was attempting to cross. He was so sweet looking, and he maybe is newly blind? cuz he seemed nervous to cross with his stick thing, and he was reaching his hands out like he was afraid.

I had such sympathy. i mean, I WOULD HAVE, had he not begun to shuffle his feet, "happy feet" style and I saw that he had an ipod, and he was dance/shuffling with his ipod, with little happy penguin feet that seemed to go NOWHERE. I waited. and waited. and waited while he busted a move across the crosswalk. And then I wondered if maybe he was even blind. I mean this IS LA. anyway, he kept doing little hands boppin to the beat gestures, and shaking his hips, etc.

I could NOT have been more fascinated and annoyed at the same time.

On another note, the house is SO QUIET without Mick. On one hand I miss him (he's been gone now 30 mins) and on the other...well, actually, i can't imagine life without him anymore. it's just too...easy. I mean we walked into the house, beck and maggie following obediently behind, they came in, went straight to their beds (my bed) and that was it! no, screaming for mick to drop the neighbor's newspaper, no barrelling through the front door headed straight for my uggs, no barking his head off wanting a treat...still, too quiet though.

UPDATE: Beck and Maggie seem to have a mixed reaction...they are either thrilled that I took Mick to "a better suited home for special needs" or they think they're next.

Charlie bit my finger - again !

this is a reminder to me that i really really want kids. i want kids with british accents. or australian too. i better start vacationing in england. or new zealand.

thanks dede!

this is me trying to have a fancy pants blog like my friend from college who JUST STARTED TO BLOG like a week ago. pfft. mormons. have to outdo you on every homebaked item and/or craft project. this slide was SUPPOSED to be on the side, with crafty wallpaper in the background. i need to change religions

sometimes I feel like the luckiest person...(but RARELY)

I know this doesn't count as a real post...but still....

when you care enough to send the very best

MEXICO RETREAT!!

come lie around on this lounge!

backyardyogaretreats.com

Wiener poopie

GREAT NEWS!!! HOT OFF THE PRESS!!!

Did you KNOW that Farmer John maple smoked bacon is only 35 calories a slice?? And it's not reduced fat or ANYTHING. It's just regular yummy perfect BACON!!! I mean, were we NOT always told how fattening bacon was? LIES! ALLLL LIES!!!

In fact, for the past few YEARS I have been choking down turkey bacon in the name of HEALTH Wellllll, Mr. Man....Guess what? Turkey bacon has, a-hem, 35 calories tooo!

Hmmm, Turkey bacon? Regular bacon? Turkey bacon? Regular bacon? YAH! tough choice there!

If this new info doesn't put a pep in your step on your way to vote? I don't know what will!

Marshmallows anyone....?

This has to be the COOLEST THING EVER

and by cool I mean warm.

I can JUST envision myself sitting in front of my crackling fire, eating smores (that I previously microwaved) and reading a good book. Never mind that I already have a REAL fireplace that I'm afraid to use because I can't figure out if I need to open the flu thingie or not and also I can't figure out if it's gas or not gas....so THIS is the perfect solution! easy! Just my style!

makes me wanna move back to my teeny tiny apartment in NY.

What? so what IF I AM 37!

Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock!
-hannah Montana

This song was in my head allll night and allll morning. I have actually been humming it. So let me just say this once and for all.

Hannah Montana is perhaps THE best show EVER for teens. I can't stop watching it because I am so proud of it, and Miley Cyrus. There's no insane drama (90210) there are no sex issues or slutty clothing or even TRENDY clothing for that matter (Saved By the Bell) There are no totally lame cheesy "life lessons" (full house) The songs aren't annoying and lame with stupid lyrics (Jem!)(although i DID like her too...JEEEEEMMMM. jem is my name, no one else is the same. JEM!) Her songs are not only GOOD but also have cute inspiring teen messages. Also, she's so funny, like a young I LOVE LUCY. I so wish they had had something like this when I was growing up. But I'm glad it's around now. There's still hope for bratty annoying teenagers yet!

So if you have any teenagers, (and THANK GOD MYfriends don't yet, because then I WOULD feel like a washed up old maid (although I only have 3 yrs to go when most my friend's kids hit 13)(better get busy) but IF you do, then MAKE them watch this show.

okayyyyyyy, anyhoo, it's another cold rainy sunday here in LA, and I couldn't be happier!!

ME.

HAPPY.

Go figure.

Liiifeee's what you make it, so leettttt's make it Rock!

Hey! Who put their sweats in MY ROBE? HEY! Who put their robe in MY SWEATS!?

Now, the thing with stuff like this, is it ENCOURAGES shut-ins, depressies, TV crazies and housewives/single yoga teachers to NEVER. LEAVE.THE.HOUSE.

I would LOVE to see the woman who created this little number. One day she was all hunkering down with a quart of baskin robbin;s jamoca almond fudge (you know, I'm just GUESSING) and she was in her regular flawed bathrobe, and she thought, "I SO wish I didn't have to make the EFFORT to put on my robe AND then put on a pair of sweats. waiiiiittttt, I KNOW!

Also, all the ads for these have skinny women lounging around in them ,which is just plain funny, skinny women don't wear shit like this. I mean, it's basically an adult trundle bundle. Skinny women lounge around in skimpy silk short robes. Just you wait, this will be one of Oprah's favorite things this year. OPRAH.

PS. if you secretly went to the website to order this, don't worry, I GET it.