I'll take "Modern Tragedy" for $500....

ALEC: The answer is..."Things that happen to fat people in a gym"

BUZZER

ME: What is puking in a trash can!!

ALEC: That's RIGHT PeeWee! How did you KNOW that?

ME: well Alec, it's funny, well not really funny funny, but funny like wanting to die of embarrassment funny, so really NOT FUNNY AT ALL. You see, it just SO HAPPENS that I was in the bowels of Hell once, otherwise know as The Gym, and this Nigerian Mad Man made me run sprints on the treadmill, and by sprints I mean mini-marathons, and he set the speed at FIVE, AND set the incline at FIVE, Alec. (interject lighthearted chuckle) And as you see Alec, THAT? is what makes people puke in trash cans in the middle of a gym full of people! And when I say "puke" alec, I don't mean that figuratively, I mean that in the "dry heaves after puking up your morning coffee, over and over and over again kind of puke!" ha ha, chuck chuck.

ALEC: Well, THAT sounds fun!

ME: Oh Alec, it WAS fun. Especially when the people working out all around you run like crazy to get away from you. And what's even MORE fun, is when NO ONE even cares or has sympathy, when they just look at you and try NOT to laugh at you. THAT IS SO FUN!