And take THAT! and THAT! and then THAT!

I found a BLACK WIDOW spider in a big ass web under my patio table. (for real. the red hourglass was gleaming and everything) I freaked. I panicked. I knew they were deadly so I had to DO something otherwise it might kill the dogs, or worse even...ME! So I did the ONLY thing I could do. I ran into the kitchen, threw open the cupboard under the sink and grabbed the roach killer. Well, I mean, surely if it killed roaches it would do fine for spiders? yes? SO I proceeded to spray RAID all under my patio table and all around my patio and around all the potted lemon trees too. I didn't want any stray Widow cousins comin' round either.

The black widow yawned, and, clearly annoyed, crawled deeper under the table. I freaked again cuz I didn't want her to get away ALIVE!! What if she was pregnant??? SO I ran back in the house and i just stood in the middle of the kitchen. "THINK PEEWEE! THINK!" I opened every cupboard, oxyclean? goo gone? pledge? what would kill that damn thing? AHA! The broom. so I went out with my deadly weapon. The broom still had the plastic bed bath and beyond cover on it.(I don't clean so much)(and when I do I feel that the vacuum, while already out, does a perfectly good job on the hardwood as it does the rugs!) I poked the broom all around, and finally I saw a black/red thing flutter to the ground...I looked. she was down, but alive. I stepped on her to make it final. then I got scared cuz I killed something so evil so I ran back in the house, heart beating fast, slamming the door behind me in case she rose up to take her last and final revenge on me.

I wouldn't go outside again. I left the carcass and the broom and the raid smelling patio for the gardeners to deal with, after all, they get paid for this kinda thing, they must see things like this everyday. GOD I hope there are no relatives. I hope black widows aren't like roaches where for every ONE you see that means there are 100. And well, anyway, at least I won't be getting any patio roaches anytime soon.