Monday, March 02, 2009

Does this mean Jack will be arriving soon??

I swear, my blog is the LOST Island. One day it's there and then one day it's gone. And then this morning it was gone too. The layout is there, but the words aren't. and then they are.

I wonder where it goes? I mean like, does it go off looking for other blogs? Is it bored with me? Does it have a wandering eye? is it all "OMG...if she types OCTO ONE.MORE.TIME my masthead is gonna EXPLODE!"

hmmmmm....Pretty, sneaky. sis.

blah. It's monday morning. S'posed to rain today. Couldn't get out of going to the gym with my workout friend since I'm not actually sick. Started my "cookie diet".

AND to be clear. They are NOT cookies. They are SHAPED like a cookie. They aren't even cookie's twice removed cousin. They are cookie's illegitimate bastard child who still needs to take a DNA test. Think paper mache+wood shavings+a raisin or two. YUMMMM. This is gonna be the best. day. ever! (honestly, I think a bumpit would taste better)

I know I know. It's a fad diet. blah blah. "You need to eat healthy for life" which sounds way too much like " are here-by sentenced for life!

I have a dress to fit into for my little brother's wedding. ANNNNNDDDD It's SO cute...

...but it doesn't hide the lunch lady arms if you catch my drift.

drastic times call for drastic measures...

speaking of which, I found this on ebay . huh. who knew? I don't know if my FAVORITE part is the FREE SHIPPING...or the "BUY THREE we'll throw in the 4th FREE" or the "seller will not accept returns for this product."

I don't even know what search I did that this came up. Diane Von Furstenplot? Cemetery Louboutins? Manolo plotniks?

la la.

Oh, Ernie and I are D. O . N. E. DONE! I just can't continue this research project in the name of, well, my sanity! he invited himself over last night, and I was hanging out with my friend drinking wine. She yelled to the phone for him to bring some wine. Here's what he showed up with.

1/ $2.99 bottle of Cabernet.
3/ A bottle of MASSAGE OIL. Kroger Brand.

The TRIFECTA (oh yah! ooooohhhhh yah!) of DEATH


And if I were making it up...I woulda at least had him bring over a name brand massage oil. I woulda given the guy SOME dignity!


Kristina P. said...

I don't understand why you would have a problem with that. At least it wasn't wine in a box!!

Kathy B! said...

RIP Ernie.

Wait, maybe you should get him one of those cemetery plots as a parting gift -- you know since he spent all the that money on cheap wine and generic massage oil and clearance bin candy and all...

seriously? said...

Oh, poor, poor Ernie. I will look back over our time with him and have fond memories.

Counselormama said...

I still say that too! "Pretty sneaky sis." That guy sounds like a show-tune whistlin' cheap-ass wine buyin', out-of-date candy havin,' Happy Ending wantin' dumb ass! Ha ha!

Counselormama said...

oops, that was kind of mean...does he read your blog?

peewee said...

HAHAHHAAHA! he does NOT read my blog! And no, you aren't mean...BUT you might re-thunk your blog name...Counselorbitch sound any better?

dede said...

can't wait to hear how the diet goes - I love a new fad!!!

(sorry I have missed the last few posts - have had family staying with us - but WHEN I post, I will be thinking of you, when I put a certain picture up - it will bring back memories of a certain conversation (think spiders and toilets) - ahh, I as smiling already!!)

good luck with the arms!! xoxo

Meg said...

Lunch Lady Arms? I think you mean Bingo Wings. Sadly, I can't take credit for that one.

Poor Ernie. I'll bet he wonders why he's still single too. Kroger brand? Could have been worse though. Could have been IGA brand massage oil.

Counselormama said...

ooh! That has a cool ring to it! But may be too much for my mom to see...maybe Counselorbizzle? Har har.

Debbie said...

I've been having problems with several people's blogs. Sometimes the words are there and sometimes they aren't. Or maybe I'm drinking too much:)

forever folding laundry said...

Ernie sounds like pure class, and I just cannot believe you let him walk out that front door.

And that dress is CUTE!


rychelle said...

massage oil?!? GENERIC massage oil?!?

i think you should nominate him to be on the next season of the bachelor!