Wednesday, March 04, 2009

ROOM FOR RENT!

In a nutshell, this is what my craigslist ad for a roommate said.."ROOM for RENT...blah blah..TWO BIG DOGS LIVE HERE" It was a short, to the point ad. Nothing about myself or lifestyle. Nothing that said "tell me about yourself." This was one of the responses I got...

Hi.
Your place sounds perfect for me....

And I can assure you I am the best tenant in the world -- super super clean and very conscientious... very health oriented and spiritually minded and considerate and cultured and calming...

.... About me? I am a Filmmaker/director/acting coach (singer/songwriter, spoken word artist in the making) and media activist and strategist.... also a certified holistic health counselor.... and admitted cultural/political junkie addicted to NPR, green tea, yoga, eco-living, clean coordinated spaces, deep conversation (no chatter) and purposeful action towards meaningful existence.... very spiritually forward but not in a weird way... very into organics and raw food.... and lofty films and art and philosophy....

I do work from home, but not religiously (in fact I want to get out more and am moving around a lot now because of all the films I am working on).... home is a refuge for me... a place of quiet, peace, serenity, focus, calm -- a place from which to work and create in a peaceful focused way... not a big TV watcher but do love late night news shows (cnn, nbc) and good films.... just always working so hard to watch...

Probably the cleanest person you will EVER meet. I love hardwood floors (i do two hour yoga session on them everyday), beautiful natural light, nature (trees preferred out window), and very nice clean kitchen (especially fridge) and bathroom.....

I can share a lot more.... but can we talk in person...?

I need to find something soon... In fact on Sunday I will be "homeless" if I don't.
Hope to hear from you soon.

Peace,
Avriel

P.S. Never smoked, no drugs, no pets, no boyfriends, etc... I actually don't get along well with dogs -- but maybe I would get along with yours... or maybe it is not a house dog?


If you know me at all, you are in tears laughing by now. I can't figure out why she thought the place sounded "perfect" for her.

lets start with her "job" description, ESPECIALLY the "spoken word artist in the making" WHAT? is that! And wow...there are a LOT of job titles in there. she must be very um, busy, in the unemployment line.

And then "home is a place of quiet, peace, serenity, focus, calm" It is? where?

wait wait, and then...what's a coordinated space?? Like no ikea mixed with pier one?

and then....deep conversation, no chatter. Guess "how's your day goin'" really pisses her off. I wonder if she would discuss the Bachelor drama with us?

and, and "purposeful action toward meaningful existence.." Whatch u talkin' bout Willis? Does sitting on our front porch endlessly making fun of our neighbors count?

and.."very spiritually forward but not in a weird way"...FIrst off what DOES spiritually forward mean?? And Thank GOD whatever that means, it's not in a weird way. Cuz she doesn't seem weird AT ALL.

and "I can share more but can we talk in person?" WHAT more is there???

And my most favorite is the PS. As if all the rest weren't bad enough...she ends it with..." I actually don't get along well with dogs -- but maybe I would get along with yours... or maybe it is not a house dog?"


HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!! MAYBE it isn't a house dog!???? HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAA

Needless to say, when I first read this I laughed so hard and was SO impressed because I thought Bree had made it up and sent it to me. I made Bree call her, and sure enough not only was she REAL, but she had to call us back becuase "she was at an all day activist charity event."

SO Bree wrote this back to her....


Hi Avriel,

Listen, I'm happy to have you come by some time today... Kristen is
working this morning so perhaps this afternoon.

We are just a little concerned because frankly, you're the exact
opposite of us. Our pets are very dear to us, and often rule our
household. Mick is a very large very crazy golden retriever puppy.
Maggie is such a princess we allow her on the couch and will sit
somewhere else if she's comfortable. They fight over their ball
sometimes.

We are both very professional, she's a yoga instructor and I'm in
the hotel business, I work from home a lot, and kristen has set her self up to
hardly work at all so is home most the time.

She's a daytime court tv and lifetime movie junkie, and I live for
gossip girl and a bottle of wine... All to myself. ;). You can
expect us to discuss the virtues of a pair of jimmie choos listed on
ebay for at least an hour. We treat ourselves to spaghetti o's and
chef boyrdee. We are neat people, not super clean.
We're both blunt, and expect the other to
take it.

However, we're really good people and could care less what other
people are into as long as they don't judge us. If you want to do
yoga for 2 hours in the living room that's cool, just expect the tv
to probably be on in the den while you do, and the dogs to run
around and play. There will be dishes left in the sink when the
dishwasher is full and we're both too lazy to empty it for a day.
Garbage will sit on the back porch until one of us finally brings it
down. But I also vacuum and dust once or twice a week in addition
to the maid.

I have several boyfriends that come over, and kristen often has
friends over for movie nights. She loves candy. I love beer.
Neither of us have watched the news since obama was elected, and
we're fine with that.

Let me know if you're interested in coming by today, and we can
discuss rent.

Best,
Bree

Needless to say...we took the hot guy.

17 comments:

Meg said...

What's a house dog? Like are you supposed to chain Mick and Maggie up outside all the time because she wants to move in?

Those raw food eaters are all nuts. Unless your blog has a large following of raw food eater in which case they are totally cool. But otherwise, they're all crazy.

Mr Hot E. Pants is a much better choice. Perhaps he'll want to do yoga in the living room with you? Or better yet, your bedroom? (Hey, PeeWee's dad! What's up?)

Counselormama said...

Love the response! Anyone who says they don't get along with dogs is suspect!

rychelle said...

did she ever respond?

rychelle said...

did you see the dance off between cameron diaz and jimmy fallon?

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b102858_rise_shine_jimmy_fallon_cameron_diaz.html

the octomom comment made me think of you!

Kristina P. said...

You guys are so judgemental! I'm sure she's perfect for you!!

Carin said...

nothing like clearing the air!

how is your schedule looking!?

Jillybean said...

Why would someone who doesn't get along with dogs want to live in a place with dogs?
Strange.

Chaka said...

You've got to love the power that comes with being able to pick a roommate or tenant as they desperately try out. It's kind of like being Simon Cowell. I can't believe she made that comment about your dogs.

Granny~Van said...

OMG!! I was howling!! You, my dear,dear friend, have the BEST renter's kharma EVER!!! Seriously!! Remember the guy who wanted to be your roomie...you know, the one with white socks AND flipflops?? Or, let's think back to Eugene, the greasy chicken eating dictator of THE WORLD who built a life sized nest in the living room with YOUR answering machine, REAL eggs, candles and toilet paper was it???!!! LOL! I LOVE that you have the BEST renter stories EVER!!!

peewee said...

Rychelle..SHE TOTALLY responded...I forgot to post that...she said she would NEVER judge us...and yet, she should probably not live with us but could she hang out with us on spaghettio's night even if she brings cucumbers to eat?!

NOT EVEN KIDDING!

We were all "HAY-ELL NO you can't hang out with US!" We didn't SAY that to HER. We wouldn't want her thinking we're judgmental or anything!

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Honestly, we should all be a bit more judgemental, don't you think? How else are we to be (1) entertained, (2) feel better about ourselves, and (3) let others know that we are indeed superior to them?

You, Bree, and the hot guy are like Three's Company. It is the perfect match. Why mess with that?

-Francesca

PS: Meg's comment totally made me laugh.

wenbren explains it all said...

OMG what a weirdo! I nominated you fro an award check out my new post!

dede said...

ha ha ha ha ha!! that was awesome! I wonder what kinda resume I could have come up with when I was begging to be your roomie??

peewee said...

oh dede! RIGHT! I think it was me trying to entice you over to the dark side (of the hallway) However, had you previously mentioned your jon secada obsession, I may have re-thunk it all. :)

Kathy B! said...

I think you should totally invite her over for spaghetti-o night just to watch her try "not to be judgemental." You know she'd look like she'd been sucking on a lemon within 15 minutes and then start making lame excuses to go...

And the recap after would even trump the Bachelor recap/gossip.

seriously? said...

Uh oh...Spaghetti-O...My goodness, another Freak-a-zoid in your life.

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