Monday, March 30, 2009

Flying Peanut Butter Egg Warrior

I have a raging headache and a sore throat. Musta been my rough working weekend. PLUS I have my brother's wedding this weekend (YAY!) PLUS then I have to pack for NY. PLUS also Easter.

There go my midday naps.

When I got home last night after an ENTIRE weekend of phone-only-internet, I was SOOO excited to hop into bed with my computer (hello lovah!) and read blogs, and stuff. Only to find that OUR WIRELESS was out!!

So then, after a few select words (like frick and frack) I had to GET UP and go check the wireless thingy, as IF I would know how to do anything other than kick it. I unplugged it. And then plugged it back in. And then I just stared at it. And then I went back to bed to see if my cable-guy-skills worked. And guess what? IT DID!! And you thought I could just do yoga retreats!

And speaking of that, I brought my healthy followers down a notch. I bought TWO bags of reese's peanut butter eggs and we ate them all weekend. Towards the end, when they were dwindling down to the last few eggs, we would all circle them like the hawks that we are. I should have ration-portioned them out better. Like "ONE for you. TWO for me."

And also one of the guys brought 3 bottles of wine. So it was wine and pb eggs all weekend. A far cry from the vegan raw nut eating retreats you imagine. You wanna come now, don't you. yah...I know my readers. You SO wanna come. And then once you're all liquored and sugared up, I'll make you do stupid yoga poses on dangerous terrain too!!

Namaste, drunks!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Desert living. Yes. Desert. Not dessert. Though wouldn't both be nice??

I am in palm springs on a working vacation. "what's that?" you ask.

It's when you invite your friends to come on a yoga retreat but make them pay for it! Seriously, how is this not a worldwide phenomena?

It is so perfectly beautiful here. The sun is shining at a good 80 degree breeze. I am making homemade granola for my retreaters, I have NO DOGS for the WHOLE WEEKEND, and all I have to do is float around a pool barking out yoga poses to my devoted followers! YAY ME!

But you know what? THERE'S NO INTERNET HERE!!! I have to type all this on my stupid iphone. That's why it'll be short and SWEET. I have to get busy "working" anyway. Time to bake some chocolate cookies.

erm, those are totally for the retreaters.

Not even FOR ME.

Totally for them.

Because I'm WORK-ING.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

ladies who lunch...

I just went to SUCH a fun lunch. It was with guys. But since I was there, I like to just refer to us all as ladies. (even though I am probably the LEAST ladylike)(I can dress the part...but it's all smoke and mirrors)

Anyway it was an AMAZING lunch on many levels...Friends you REALLY like (not just the ones you pretend to) great food, ordering dessert at lunch, that kind of thing.

BUT the piece de resistance (There's an accent over that first e, which makes that phrase totally french) was outside waiting for the valet and this woman comes out and is randomly talking to us because we were pretending her baby was cute and she looks down and goes "OH MY GOD. THOSE ARE GORGEOUS!" and I look down at my perfect shoes and realize that's what she's talking about and I got so excited that my 'entire-paycheck-shoes' didn't go unnoticed that I said "I KNOW! AREN'T THEY?!?!?"
.......and then I said "THANKS!!"

Now, I WAS NOT being conceited! I did not MAKE the shoes, and if I HAD I woulda FIRST said, with fake humility "OH. WHY...THANK YOU! They're not MUCH really, I just whipped 'em up one day! but thank you :)" (the smiley face was implied)

It's like when people tell me, as they do ALL THE TIME, that my dogs are so beautiful. (I swear they totally do. Because THEY ARE!) And when they say that, my first reaction is always "I KNOW! Aren't they??" Because I am in awe of their perfect looks too, because I had NOTHING to do with it.

Now if someone said "YOUR DOGS ARE SO WELL BEHAVED!!!" (this is all hypothetical, as that has never been said) but follow me here, IF someone said that, I would say "THANK YOU!"

Right? I don't MEAN to sound obnoxious. But seriously? Those shoes are DAMN CUTE! and then my guy friend FINALLY acknowledged them too and was all "those ARE really great!"

I mean, honestly is there ANYTHING more satisfying than people fawning over your shoes???

(That wasn't a rhetorical question)

SO I am SOOOO giddy happy now! Screw the gray hair! I got Manolos!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

NEXT STEP: The hovaround. A different kind of "scooter"

How did I so suddenly go from THIS...



(ME...with "LEMON JUICE" "NATURAL BLONDE" hair! And oh....that TAN! Good ole skin cancer eighties! The result of Hawaiian tropic NO SPF tan oil. I would give LiLo a RUN for her orange money!)(oh, and the eyebrows!!!)(those brooke shields eye brows!!)


It's bad enough that I suddenly have gray hair. But does it HAVE to stick out all crazy pubic-y, stand-apart-from-the-crowd??

It's like they're having a Pride Parade up there. And they're all..

We're gray!
We'll stay!

Oh yah? Well, hate go all george bush on their ass, but THIS is what I bought today! 

I'll probably never use it. But I was feeling DESPERATE. I've never even colored my own hair before. I've never once even BEEN in that section!
(Well, there was the whole "sun-in" phase in the 80's. But that doesn't count)(and it wasn't was LEMON JUICE)(wink wink)

If you're old as me, you'll remember that commercial "i'm gonna wash that gray right outta my hair"

I remember telling my mom "mommy...when I am OLD and Gray I'M not gonna dye my hair!"

uh huh.

I remember that moment. And I remember thinking OLD like 70 OLD. Not like 38 OLD!

It's like I suddenly sprouted a corn husk in my hair! When I touch THE PATCH it feels like I'm petting a horse tail.

Anyone else going gray? anyone? ANYONE?????????

(uh, besides YOU dad. You SHOULD be gray. cuz you're THAT AGE)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Why do I love Zac Efron so much? It's wrong. You can mention Demi/Ashton all u want...but she's gonna be 60 when he's 45. GROSS!

I ordered HSM3 on pay-per-view.
And watched it.

And then tonight I passed by this giant billboard with him on it for his new stupid looking movie and I thought "I can't WAIT to see that"

Is this like a mid-life crisis? Am I gonna start shopping at forever 21 and wet seal? (do they still HAVE wet seal??) I mean, I never even made it out of the hello kitty phase!

When I get go in for my neck lift, will I be wearing Abercrombie shorts and An old Navy tube top with Jessica Simpson platforms?

Anyway. I survived target! I think that has more to do with the fact I went there just last week and did some big damage. I bought SIX containers that hold cakes and pies. Like rubbermaid kinda things for taking a cake or a pie TO GO. They are seriously SO COOL. You know, for ALL THOSE TIMES I wanna take pies somewhere. maybe I'll just drive around with a pie now. They have handles on top. I'll just cart my purse and my pie around town.

Today I actually got stuff I needed. I think I was just too tired/out of it to function. I didn't even buy CANDY! That's a big step. What IS IT with target? Clearly my last post got several SAME responses. SOMEone on top has pie charts and codes with the exact formula of paint color/music/lighting/scent ratio to make us pick up bright shiny things. Like, CAKE HOLDERS.

OH! And that stupid dollar bin! Not even just the one as you enter (do you even know how many little boxes/hello kitty notepads/mini lipglosses/ mini EVERYTHING that I own??....) But the one in the toiletries section! With the travel everything and foldable brushes and mini toothpaste and mini kleenex and mini hand sanitizers?? WHY DO WOMEN LOVE MINI STUFF???

What I NEED is a mini wallet.

OH and also last week I spent A LOT on these products from England called "boots"...bubble bath and bath stuff in general...face stuff and what not. Know why? BECAUSE it was in SHOPAHOLIC...And, and, it's BRITISH! So of course it's reputable!! OF COUSE I HAD to have the whole line. it was dizzying. I even bought LIP PLUMPER...and I DON'T EVEN WANT PLUMP LIPS!!!

Hmm. Target is making me type in a lot of caps and exclamation points. There's something about that bull's eye. Remember in old TV shows and stuff they'd use a swirly bulls eye to hypnotize and brainwash people? yah. exactly. no coincidence.

okee dokey. goin' off the meds is a little rough. as you can see.

But Jodie Foster came to my class!! YAY!

Isn't this the most riveting blog ever? I'm gonna try to work it into a reader's digest article. Or a Lifetime script. And when I do...Zac Efron will be playing the role of Chad. In the room next to mine. EEEEWWWW!!! COUGAR CROSSING ALERT!

to do list

must get stuff done. will post later.

ran out of cream for coffee. make tired.

stopped taking anti-depressant. make spacey. and anxious. freaking out about grey hair. make look like cruella deVille.

have to go to target. YAY! but have to buy dumb stuff. boo.

but will buy fun stuff anyway. YAY!

more later.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Products I wish I invented

There's a blog that i LOVE called "The Letters I wish I'd Written" It's REALLY well written and funny and all around GREAT. (I'm sure Kristina has been reading it since Kindergarten)

SO this is hereby my rip-off version...

FIrst off, where can I get this?? where????? And HOW have I not thought of it before? Okay well, you know what else?? I WOULD invent BaconAvocadonaise. TAKE that stupid plain ole baconaise!

HA! HAHAHHA! The Reester Bunny...kills me. Well, whatever I WOULDA done the HerSHeep bar. A cute litte sheep shaped chocolate bar with a polka dot bow! And the ad would be all "little bo peep has lost hersheep!" HA! Double HA!

The Ramen Cooler! LOVE. Pure Love. But AS I was making pudding today, the real homemade cooking kind, with the spoon on the box, I had to stand there and stir and stir. Honestly, my arm was for real sore and I was thinking...GEEZ! Why don't they make a pudding stirring machine? WHY???

Corn beer? No...I actually don't wish I'd invented THIS...BUT...along those lines...can you make beer from chocodiles or what? cuz THAT is my kinda alcohol!

Tee Hee...Bimbo Snack!! I woulda done the skank muffin. Or the Chex Mix:Nuts & Whores.

I mean...this is cute and all...But how 'bout the Mugberry...or the imug...THAT's a product that would NEVER leave my hands. And while we're at it, let's just add a garage opener button to that there mug.

uh. umm. no comment. (though does give a whole new meaning to yeast infection, eh?) (yah. I totally WENT there)

TOTALLY cool! 14 bucks a bag! But i'd like to see some polka dots and Burberry plaid please. That's what I would do. And maybe a mosaic mostaccioli too. Houndstooth ravioli? Yah. I think I see a pasta company in my future.

This is nice. I love that it's ORGANIC spray batter. My invention? Spray cookie dough!!!!! ooohhhhh yyyahhhhhhh.

The choculator!! Brilliant. But I'd want an entire laptop, perhaps in the shape of a Toblerone?

HAHA! The LazyGeek! But where's the cupholder, remote caddy and snack tray?

YES!! YES! Again, though, I'd go for a roll on mayo, or a nutella stick would be nice too.

CLEARLY I'm wasting my talents on ungrateful bratty yoga students!

Saturday, March 21, 2009


WELL, Besides THIS one. I mean, it's up there and all...but GO TO...THIS IS WHY YOU'RE FAT!...where dreams become heart attacks. I could NOT stop going through the pics! I wonder what I would post??? Chocodile fritters? What would YOU post??

**If you are one of those people who "never clicks on links" just DO it. Can I just say Twinkie Hotdogs and the "McGangbang" (a McChicken sandwich inside of a double cheeseburger) Go on. Go. Just GO!

I got this site via THIS POST...which Made me LAUGH and CHOKE at the same time...

She HAD me at McNuggetini

Have fun!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Pensive in the parking lot

I'm sitting in my car waiting until the very last minute to go teach class. If I get there too early people all try to talk to me and I hate that! I have a mocha that is the best mocha in the history of mochas, and the annie get your gun soundtrack on. Heaven! I love my car. Sometimes I look at it and just wanna throw my arms around it and give it a bear hug.

Guess what though? Chad is going away ALL weekend!! Thank Buddha, Jehovah and the Holy Ghost! I spent hours yesterday cleaning out our pantry closet. Seriously it was physical labor! And Lucy and mr. Lucy were even taking out the heavy stuff (seriously if you're gonna tackle a project, do it when the cleaning crew is there!!)

So chad comes home later and said "hey! Pretty nice job there on the pantry."

pretty nice??? Are you fetchin' kidding me?? That closet was like Narnia, man! He is such a freakin frackhole!! (now THAT is creative cussing!)

Gotta go now.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

oh no he di'int

If I hear ONE MORE white person, on television or otherwise say "oh no you di'int" I am going to LOSE MY SHIT. 

Sorry for all the swearing lately. My friend, in one of those "25 random things" essay said that she hates when people swear becuase "there are so many other creative ways to express yourself"

Ummm, yah. OH NO SHE DI'INT! because saying That is SO freakin' cool and she is the B word! What a witch! and oh my HECK (that is not to say OMH is lame or's just not CREATIVE **read that with Homer simpson voice** and a shout out to my UTE friends..HOLLA!) and Gosh Dangit! SO, SO, edified.

Well, back to MOI (french is still goin' strong!) I am right this second sitting next to the big AC-TOR. Do you know he has a WEBSITE?? I mean, they all do. The Day Player actors. You know the ones...Cowboy #4, Man on Street #67. And on said website he has like every clip of every role in the history of all his roles. YES, That is FASCINATING. I cant WAIT to see those CLIPS. Is there a more self-obsessed profession? (yoga teachers!) (oh NO I di'int) K, but one funny one is the TWIX commercial he did...HAHAHHA...CHEESY!

Well anyway, I just got home and the TV was on (he doesn't watch TV...cuz he's too CREATIVE **homer voice**) And I was all "bree?" and lo and behold HE was watching it! GASP. So I was all "soooo YOU'RE WATCHING TV!?!?!??!" all jokey jokey like (but not really) and he was all serious..."I'm watching a MOVIE"

uh huh. Didn't you guys know that a MOVIE is sooooo way much more creative than a TV SHOW?

I just rolled my eyes, grabbed my laptop and proceeded to write this blog. HA! SUCKER! take THAT!

And REALLY?? You can BE on a stupid unheard of TV show, A TWIX commercial nonetheless and be all high and mighty about NOT watching TV? I personally think he's bitter. If he had his OWN TV show I bet he'd sure as hell be touting the benefits if TV! He's not even BEEN in a lifetime original movie. LOSER!

This is my friday night in LA folks. Jealous much?

...erm. Wednesday. YAH! That's totally what I meant WEDNESDAY. Because I am WAY not so old that I thought it was friday. pff. for sure!

Monday, March 16, 2009


Top 10 Reasons NOT to take a yoga class when you're 'paying your monthly bill,' as it were.

10. When the teacher says "think peace" when you're in a pose with your muscles shaking and sweat pouring in your ear canal you in fact THINK "I'll show you a PIECE of my FIST ASSHOLE!!" ( I tend to get thought terrets)

9. When your idiot 'actor' roommate says "did you just teach a class?" and you say "no, I just took one" and then he says "ATTA GIRL!!"  You will be too tempted to evict his sorry unemployed actor ass onto the streets.

8. Because when you do a "twist" you can feel it squeezing the life out of your already crampy ovaries.

7. Because you WILL drink a hot coffee AND take an antidepressant AND a handful of advil just to make yourself GO to said class and you will want to puke both of them up when you're in a headstand. 

6. When the guy behind you farts and it makes you wanna pass out you will imagine wrapping your mat around his smelly throat and choking him to death. 

5. Yoga doesn't make your feel meditative during this time. It makes you very violent.

4. When the teacher says in calming voice "FEEL YOUR BODY" which means NOTHING, you wanna be all "You're gonna FEEL my foot kicking  you in your junk"

3. Yoga will only make you hungry and you will come home and eat an entire box of girl scout samoa cookies with a  Nutella chaser...straight outta the jar.

2. You will be so tired and sore you will pass out and forget taking your dogs out and said dogs will wake you up at 2 am to go.

AND NUMBER 1 reason....

1. You are SO bloated that when you bend over in a pose your "stretchy yoga pants" they will be stretched to max capacity and you WILL feel a big rip, right in the vicinity of your sunshine hole and will be forced to do every pose thereafter with your legs tightly closed. 

My buddy. My buddy. Wherever I go he goes with me! My buddy and ME!

Remember this? It's weird. When you're a kid, 'My Buddy' is a cute little buddy...and 'wherever I go he goes with me' is a sweet little concept...

SO folks, BitchyToys inc. brings you an updated product!! (commercial coming soon)

My stalker*. My stalker*! Wherever I go she goes with me! My stalker* and MEEEEEE.

I took My Stalker* to the grove with me!
My Stalker* LOVES the Apple store!
My stalker* even says fancy words like 'enchilada'!
My Stalker* comes with FUNNEL CAKE!
AND My stalker* LA edition even comes with a matching iphone cover! 

My Stalker*is THE BEST NEW TOY EVER!**


Operators standing by! FIRST 20 CALLERS GET a FREE WIRE TAP!!

**product can NOT parallel park

*patent pending. All rights reserved.

Friday, March 13, 2009

one year ago

Today is the 1 yr date of when my dog Beck died. I told myself I could cry all I wanted for a year. I know that this is what Jewish people do when someone dies and it made a lot of sense to me.

This time last year I was a WRECK. For weeks. I left for NYC the next day and took Maggie with me. I couldn't even be in my house or neighborhood without him. I remember being on the plane thinking "I don't even care if it crashes." This pain was so bad I thought it just would never be better. I thought i would never be happy again. I wondered how people lost children and spouses and how they could possibly cope. On St. Patrick's Day a few days later I drank 6 (SIX!!) appletinis. (what? they're GREEN) That didn't help in the way I was hoping it would. (though I did feel pretty good for a few hours)

But THANK GOD I have yoga in my life. (and ambien) Because one of the reasons I became a teacher is that yoga made me understand that pain comes and goes in different degrees. And I just kept telling myself that it would get better, even if I didn't totally believe it in that moment.

So, it's one year later now. I don't cry everyday. or every week....but maybe once a month. And though I will ALWAYS miss him, I don't cry every time I see his picture. I am WAY more patient with the other two...especially one in particular who constantly is in need of my patience. And SOMEtimes, when I'm in a particularly mean mood, I think of him, and how he was NEVER in a mean mood and how he would want me to be nicer. SOMEtimes. But hey, sometimes is better than no times!

So, I'm taking my dogs swimming today and they get extra treats. It was nice to give myself a whole year. Yay Jewish people!

And now it's nice to know that I can stop crying now and look at his pics and smile.


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Are you there God? It's me, PeeWee.

I'm in one of those times of turmoil when I can't make any decisions. So my days have been FILLED with many many THINGS that require my attention. Except My attention is off on vacation somewhere, probably Paris. Some schools would call this A.D.D. I, however, prefer the term, 'late onset teen angst.' It's a medical term.

I decided to go back to NYC for a few months (yippeee!!!) But since making that decision, I have been suddenly overwhelmed with THINGS TO DO. I am NOT GOOD WITH COMMITMENT. As soon as I told the NY division of my job that I would be teaching 15 classes a week in NY I felt a panic!

And hid in bed for 2 days. Making Lists. Of things I MUST DO. Lots of lists. I made a list on my laptop. A list in my notebook I carry around. A list on my iphone. of things. TO DO. And I've been staring at my vast lists going "OHMYGODTHATSSOMUCHTODO---PEOPLE'SCOURTISONYAY!"

Even last night I came home and was like, Okay, I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING ON MY LIST. after i watch lost. and law and order. and idol.  And then Lost was a repeat, so of COURSE I scrolled around for something ELSE to watch. And then decided to go to the store because I saw that stupid commercial for Reeses easter eggs where the chocolate bunny meets the peanut butter jar and then you see all these peanut butter eggs (which is genius by the way and TOTALLY makes you want those damn eggs) needed half 'n half for my morning coffee. Because it was on the list. And toilet paper. 

I'm sure you can guess what I didn't come home with.  I did however get the reese's easter eggs, cadbury eggs (they were next to can you NOT?) and half 'n half. So I had to 'wipe' this morning with paper towel pieces. But my coffee is perfection! 

Where was I? oh yah, back to how I can't get anything done. See? I can't even follow the blog topic at hand. 

hey...there was JUST a commercial for Olive garden on, and they were all "at our olive garden chef training school in Tuscany...." RIGHT! First off..."olive garden chef boyardee training school?" HAHAHHA. TUSCANY?  Tuscany, Texas? Tuscany, Michigan? 

Where was I? Oh yah, I have all this STUFF to do to get to NY. And then where do I stop on the drive there? (besides Vegas..HI RYCHELLE!) and then do I fly out there first with my friends? Or get as much work done here as possible. DO I drive alone with my showtunes blasting? or coerce invite a friend to go? But isn't that SO boring? Stuff to pack,  find housing, driving there....AHHH! 

I'd WAY rather blog about it all. Ooh....Now I can check off "BLOG TODAY"

YAY! look at me gettin' stuff done!

Monday, March 09, 2009

Hot new roommate is proving to be a REAL PAIN.

He JUST left. For the first time today.


He's always around.

And I came home the other day and he had, RE-arranged the den furniture. He's been here THREE days and he re-arranged the furniture. He was like "isn't this better?" as he plopped on the newly placed cushy chair. The newly placed cushy chair he put RIGHT in front of the windows that you can now NOT open.

I let it go.

breathe in. breathe out.

THEN I came home and went to pull into the garage on saturday and I had to slam on my brakes because he had some of his "buddies" over and they had taken apart his "bike" in the middle of the garage. I had to PARK ON THE STREETS.

And, and...he doesn't *gulp* watch tv?! SO I feel restricted, as it were. I find that though I won't STOP watching people's court midday, I put the volume on really low. Especially at the music part. "dunt dunt dunt. dunt dunt dunt DUNT." That part. And I was SO looking forward to Dr. Phil today because the topic was "gold diggers" and I freakin' LOVE when talk shows do that topic cuz they ALWAYS make the waiter or the limo driver be a millionaire in disguise and then the gold digger always 'disses' him and it's just hilarious. Satisfying in EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE.

Anyhoo, I just KNEW I wouldn't be able to watch that with him here. And I just feel like lying in bed all day reading blogs is a thing of the past (until I can kick him out anyway)

And on sunday when I had just returned from shopping all day, he was all "what did you girls do today?" and we responded, "WE WENT TO THE GROVE! SHOPPING!!!" Our cheeks still flush from the outdoor crisp weather and rush of excitement. (M.A.C. just released "Kitty Koutoure"...need I say more?)

And he said "THE GROVE???" (with a sneer) and SHOPPING?? (eye roll + judgement)

Yah. I WAS going to take my car apart and re-arrange the parts and all. Because THAT is just invigorating!

Anyway, thank GOD I have Tivo and was able to record Dr. Phil because this is what one womn said to the gold digger woman...
You know what you are? You are two sandwiches short of a prostitution picnic!

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA! I tell you what mister "actor/producer"....produce THAT!

Saturday, March 07, 2009

How Global Warming Affects us ALL

In my yoga room at the club, I face out to the 20 giant flat screen TV's. I generally ignore them unless they're set on American idol or something, in which case it's MEDITATION TIME for the whole class and TV time for Moi (I've still retained my VAST french, as is evident!)

I swear I only in Idol season RARELY or top chef do this!

But last night they were doing SOME show on the environment and they showed that damn polar bear scene. You know the one, where the mamma polar and baby are on that ONE TINY patch of ice and the mommy jumps off, and the baby looks all confused and jumps off too, and it SO heartbreaking because it suggests that they're losing their ice housing to global warming. And I just wanna cry every time.

I swear they played that one scene about 5 times while I taught, and I started getting choked up. During class. The baby polar bear looks like Mick, sorta. So when I drove home I start BAWLING for the state of the animals in the world. And how SAD it would be if polar bears became extinct. And how companies test on animals. And the Jaguars that are hunted in South America and how the baby jaguars are a big prize for hunters...SO SO SAD!!!!

And then I got home, hugged my dogs, and took a Lexapro.

The end.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


In a nutshell, this is what my craigslist ad for a roommate said.."ROOM for RENT...blah blah..TWO BIG DOGS LIVE HERE" It was a short, to the point ad. Nothing about myself or lifestyle. Nothing that said "tell me about yourself." This was one of the responses I got...

Your place sounds perfect for me....

And I can assure you I am the best tenant in the world -- super super clean and very conscientious... very health oriented and spiritually minded and considerate and cultured and calming...

.... About me? I am a Filmmaker/director/acting coach (singer/songwriter, spoken word artist in the making) and media activist and strategist.... also a certified holistic health counselor.... and admitted cultural/political junkie addicted to NPR, green tea, yoga, eco-living, clean coordinated spaces, deep conversation (no chatter) and purposeful action towards meaningful existence.... very spiritually forward but not in a weird way... very into organics and raw food.... and lofty films and art and philosophy....

I do work from home, but not religiously (in fact I want to get out more and am moving around a lot now because of all the films I am working on).... home is a refuge for me... a place of quiet, peace, serenity, focus, calm -- a place from which to work and create in a peaceful focused way... not a big TV watcher but do love late night news shows (cnn, nbc) and good films.... just always working so hard to watch...

Probably the cleanest person you will EVER meet. I love hardwood floors (i do two hour yoga session on them everyday), beautiful natural light, nature (trees preferred out window), and very nice clean kitchen (especially fridge) and bathroom.....

I can share a lot more.... but can we talk in person...?

I need to find something soon... In fact on Sunday I will be "homeless" if I don't.
Hope to hear from you soon.


P.S. Never smoked, no drugs, no pets, no boyfriends, etc... I actually don't get along well with dogs -- but maybe I would get along with yours... or maybe it is not a house dog?

If you know me at all, you are in tears laughing by now. I can't figure out why she thought the place sounded "perfect" for her.

lets start with her "job" description, ESPECIALLY the "spoken word artist in the making" WHAT? is that! And wow...there are a LOT of job titles in there. she must be very um, busy, in the unemployment line.

And then "home is a place of quiet, peace, serenity, focus, calm" It is? where?

wait wait, and then...what's a coordinated space?? Like no ikea mixed with pier one?

and then....deep conversation, no chatter. Guess "how's your day goin'" really pisses her off. I wonder if she would discuss the Bachelor drama with us?

and, and "purposeful action toward meaningful existence.." Whatch u talkin' bout Willis? Does sitting on our front porch endlessly making fun of our neighbors count?

and.."very spiritually forward but not in a weird way"...FIrst off what DOES spiritually forward mean?? And Thank GOD whatever that means, it's not in a weird way. Cuz she doesn't seem weird AT ALL.

and "I can share more but can we talk in person?" WHAT more is there???

And my most favorite is the PS. As if all the rest weren't bad enough...she ends it with..." I actually don't get along well with dogs -- but maybe I would get along with yours... or maybe it is not a house dog?"


Needless to say, when I first read this I laughed so hard and was SO impressed because I thought Bree had made it up and sent it to me. I made Bree call her, and sure enough not only was she REAL, but she had to call us back becuase "she was at an all day activist charity event."

SO Bree wrote this back to her....

Hi Avriel,

Listen, I'm happy to have you come by some time today... Kristen is
working this morning so perhaps this afternoon.

We are just a little concerned because frankly, you're the exact
opposite of us. Our pets are very dear to us, and often rule our
household. Mick is a very large very crazy golden retriever puppy.
Maggie is such a princess we allow her on the couch and will sit
somewhere else if she's comfortable. They fight over their ball

We are both very professional, she's a yoga instructor and I'm in
the hotel business, I work from home a lot, and kristen has set her self up to
hardly work at all so is home most the time.

She's a daytime court tv and lifetime movie junkie, and I live for
gossip girl and a bottle of wine... All to myself. ;). You can
expect us to discuss the virtues of a pair of jimmie choos listed on
ebay for at least an hour. We treat ourselves to spaghetti o's and
chef boyrdee. We are neat people, not super clean.
We're both blunt, and expect the other to
take it.

However, we're really good people and could care less what other
people are into as long as they don't judge us. If you want to do
yoga for 2 hours in the living room that's cool, just expect the tv
to probably be on in the den while you do, and the dogs to run
around and play. There will be dishes left in the sink when the
dishwasher is full and we're both too lazy to empty it for a day.
Garbage will sit on the back porch until one of us finally brings it
down. But I also vacuum and dust once or twice a week in addition
to the maid.

I have several boyfriends that come over, and kristen often has
friends over for movie nights. She loves candy. I love beer.
Neither of us have watched the news since obama was elected, and
we're fine with that.

Let me know if you're interested in coming by today, and we can
discuss rent.


Needless to say...we took the hot guy.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Phat Tuesday

I did NOT sleep last night. I went to bed at 1 AM!! And THEN woke up at 4!!

I NEVER stay awake until 1. I didn't even make it until midnight New Years Eve! I dozed off and THEN woke up at 5 till the ball dropped.

I think I was all riled up by that stupid bachelor Jason and his stupid skank ho Molly . That ONE episode set us women back about 40 yrs! (or, a lot of years anyway!) This isn't even my point, but it had to be said!

SO, I took the dogs out this morning at 5:30 and then came home did coffee/internet/news and then went right back to bed. passed out. So basically I took a NAP at 8am.

And woke up at 11. And I am now angry at that bachelor. Because I am all groggy and I can tell this tuesday is going down the drain. It's days like these where I can't get ANYthing done and will end up painstakingly making a 2 minute video of my dogs doing something and then I'll post it.

Frenchie moved out :( I miss his little "goot morning kreeesteen" He went back to's unclear as to why. He came out here to be an ACTOR, guess his apple pie dreams were crushed. Tres Tres sad.

BUT I got a new one. And surprise! He's an actor too. But not JUST an actor, an actor/producer! SO of course I IMDB'd him to see if he really is an actor, because they never are. And SHOCKER! He is! And CUTE. SO SO CUTE.

It helps cushion the loss of french guy. French guy who?

I gotta go back to my busy busy day now. *sigh* it's a hard life being a producer of dog videos!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Does this mean Jack will be arriving soon??

I swear, my blog is the LOST Island. One day it's there and then one day it's gone. And then this morning it was gone too. The layout is there, but the words aren't. and then they are.

I wonder where it goes? I mean like, does it go off looking for other blogs? Is it bored with me? Does it have a wandering eye? is it all "OMG...if she types OCTO ONE.MORE.TIME my masthead is gonna EXPLODE!"

hmmmmm....Pretty, sneaky. sis.

blah. It's monday morning. S'posed to rain today. Couldn't get out of going to the gym with my workout friend since I'm not actually sick. Started my "cookie diet".

AND to be clear. They are NOT cookies. They are SHAPED like a cookie. They aren't even cookie's twice removed cousin. They are cookie's illegitimate bastard child who still needs to take a DNA test. Think paper mache+wood shavings+a raisin or two. YUMMMM. This is gonna be the best. day. ever! (honestly, I think a bumpit would taste better)

I know I know. It's a fad diet. blah blah. "You need to eat healthy for life" which sounds way too much like " are here-by sentenced for life!

I have a dress to fit into for my little brother's wedding. ANNNNNDDDD It's SO cute...

...but it doesn't hide the lunch lady arms if you catch my drift.

drastic times call for drastic measures...

speaking of which, I found this on ebay . huh. who knew? I don't know if my FAVORITE part is the FREE SHIPPING...or the "BUY THREE we'll throw in the 4th FREE" or the "seller will not accept returns for this product."

I don't even know what search I did that this came up. Diane Von Furstenplot? Cemetery Louboutins? Manolo plotniks?

la la.

Oh, Ernie and I are D. O . N. E. DONE! I just can't continue this research project in the name of, well, my sanity! he invited himself over last night, and I was hanging out with my friend drinking wine. She yelled to the phone for him to bring some wine. Here's what he showed up with.

1/ $2.99 bottle of Cabernet.
3/ A bottle of MASSAGE OIL. Kroger Brand.

The TRIFECTA (oh yah! ooooohhhhh yah!) of DEATH


And if I were making it up...I woulda at least had him bring over a name brand massage oil. I woulda given the guy SOME dignity!

Sunday, March 01, 2009

I broke my blog

This is a test. this is only a test of the emergency octocast system.

No words are coming on the screen, so here I am testing it. BUT just in case it works, then at least there's SOMETHING to read. Not something GOOD per se, but just something, cuz if you have me on google reader, you'd prob. be mad that you were signaled to check, and then there was NADA. (spanish, french...MULTI-TALENTED) SO here's something to read. More exciting than the back of a cereal box. no?

Liiiikkkkke....I added all the real housewives as my friends on Facebook! How awesome is that! No? you're not impressed?

okay, ummmm....I'm going to BRUNCH!!! At a fancy place. One of my AWESOME friends is taking me (hi ANDY!) I've been thinking of what to order all. morning. long.

Oh, and before class this morning, A guy was waiting for class to begin. SITTING on top of a TRASH CAN in lotus style (crossed legs-ish) seemingly, but piously, meditating.

on top.

of a trash. can.


K, that's it. I have to go figure out what to wear. One outfit makes me look 9 months preg. The other makes me look like a trick-ass-ho. hmmmm,