Festive-me...for just me.

Haha! Juuuust kidding. We all know that this season is for baby Jesus AND me. I just wanted to put it out there that every single time I go "Christmas Shopping" I come home with an awful lot of "one for my brother...two for me!"

When the sales person goes "wow...you've got a LOT of Christmas shopping done!" I just mumble..."yahsuredid" and when I say "you don't need to wrap anything but that one small one....I like to wrap the rest MYSELF. Cuz I bought this GREAT Justin Bieber paper...." I know I'm not totally lying, cuz I DID buy that paper!

(which I did)
(for real)

But uh, yah. I can't be the ONLY one who does this...right??

So, it's been awhile. Let me catch you up on my exciting hollywood single life for the past few months....in pictograph...

SEPT

Lost my mind. Got Foster dog Murphy.

OCT

UTAH/IDAHO ROAD TRIP!!

NOV

Re-decorated guest bedrooms 1 & 2 in Target Missoni collected across country from said road trip

GUEST ROOM #1

GUEST ROOM #2

Also squeezed in  NYC trip for Bday!

We look pretty decent for 40 right?

ALSO went on treacherous trip to Knotts Berry Farm. Practically died.

DEC 

          Rest after shopping. Note only I have stocking FOR ME. Santa better not forget!

Also....

....Am not ONLY one who went Target/Missoni crazy!

THE END...

(Still have "foster dog" though. sigh)

The 12 Gays of Christmas...

I think this just made my whole holiday. This was MUCH needed after a day of LA faux hippie yogis who infect this town like roaches! They were even in BARNEY'S today. BARNEY'S! That is MY territory. Go back to Occupy Wholefoods!

Anyhoo...this made me WAY more jolly!

Easy Reader That's My Name...

I always wondered WHAT exactly would get me back actually blogging. Not just "in my head" blogging whereupon as I fall asleep I recite an entire post that I SWEAR I will write down in the morning....yyyeah.

Well, here it is folks. Consider it the first day of christmas...aww aww awwwwwwww.....



PS...Morgan Freeman....I have always loved you and now I love you even more. Dare I say this was your best performance to date?

I laughed so hard I cried

Ummm, DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS AT WORK....unless you really hate your job

Oh man....If only I could take this guy to Whole Foods with me!

drunk blogging

I'm drunk
 I just ate a huge steak.
I'm in Park city

VEGANISM ROCKS!

Things I have enough of....

1. Missoni/Target stuff.**

2. Dogs.***

That is all. 

** I WAY hoarded and overbought. I couldn't help it! My friend and I drove to the GANG area of LA to get this stuff. I WORKED for it! If you want any kid stuff or shoes, lemme know cuz I would rather send to you than return it. Sadly, every time I weed through it all to take stuff back, I can't part with any of it.  That whole non-materialistic part of yoga training didn't really take.

***That little one is up for adoption. I Swear. I AM NOT KEEPING HIM. He is a FOSTER pet. It's all the rage here in LA. Anyone who's anyone fosters an animal for some rescue group. Rescuing kids from Africa is SOOOOO 2008.

It's Fall in LA!....

...cuz I'm sitting here in Starbucks drinking my salted-caramel-mocha-with-soy-no-whip-extra-hot! Nooo, I am not affected by the LA scene WHATSOEVER! DO you guys KNOW how good this drink is?? Way better WITH whip, but you know, that's not on the vegan menu...HAHAHAH!

Psych! Face! Moted!

OF COURSE I have whip....which confuses the baristas here to no end. heehee. And for my non-coffee friends...you can get this as a hot chocolate and it's just about the best durn thing in the world!

Its been SUCH a busy summer...hence the cobwebs and for rent signs on my blog.

But what I love about fall, for me, is that I get to slow down, enjoy the changing of the network line-up, long lazy sundays watching new pilot episodes, fresh brewed apple cider scent wafting through Bath and Bodyworks, spending quality time outdoors driving to all the greater LA targets hunting for Missoni wear, new Ugg boots peeking out from their summer hibernation, Fresh pomegranate lipgloss, and all the brilliant fall colors adorning the windows of Pottery Barn!

God I love LA in Fall!

BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH

Listen. I've said it many many times. But at least once a year I get my annual, uh, gift? as it were. And tonight was the night. This otherwise adorable guy was front and center(fold)  in class tonight. And it wasn't until the END of class that I had them do a two minute thing where you sit like this....

Annnnd THAT, my friends is when the magic happened. Adorable guy was wearing NO UNDERWEAR. And loose shorts.

Now, let me repeat that this is kinda old hat to me by now. I am a seasoned instructor, after all. I've been to battle. Usually I just run away and avoid that whole side of the room entirely and then drive home and take a burning shower to my eyes and scrub them with sulfuric acid to burn away the image.

But tonight I was trapped. He was in the front row, and I was DIRECTLY sitting in front of him. SITTING. There was no way to escape politely AND I had just told the class that it was a two minute pose. I mean his Don Johnson was RIGHT there. Like mere inches away. Like-I-could-have-put-a-Gucci-leash-on-it-and-adopted-it-as-my-4th-pet close.

So I did all I could do and looked away. Tried to PRETEND that his wiener dog wasn't wagging in front of me. And then see out of the corner of my eye that HE now notices that he is doing flasher-asana and he goes "OH DUDE!" and tries to put the thing back in!!! ALL WHILE DOING THE POSE! THIS pose...

He THINKS he has put lucifer back in the box but he hasn't really and the darned thing keeps coming back out. 

yah. 

Annnnd he keeps puttin' it back in and so forth. He's also looking around all embarrassed to see if anyone saw and he looks right at me, who's looking ANYWHERE but him, and then I just lose it.

 I start to laugh. And then I can't stop laughing but I have to cover it up because I DO NOT WANT HIM TO KNOW THAT I KNOW.  So I start talking "to the class" about stuff that isn't even funny, but I'm all cracking up and they're all confused because I am making no sense. I'm saying stuff like "yah, you know, yoga can sometimes be difficult HAHHAHAHAHAH! Especially when it's really hot in here HAHHAHAHHA! And your mats get all sweaty HAHAHHAHAHA! Ohhhhh...you guys are so funny HAHHAHAHHAHA!"

Then it was FINALLY over and I was all "SAVASANA!"(the final resting pose)  even though it wasn't at all time for the final pose and there was still 15 mins of class left. and as soon as flasher dude was lying down I bolted from my seat and ne'er returned. 

I really REALLY don't get paid enough for this. It's gonna take a double dose of Vicodin to erase this kinda pain. 

THIS is the kind of thing that gets me blogging again. Genius. Sheer Genius.

I practically killed a celebrity....and other stories in the news...

A famous chick came to my class last night. And during crow pose she sprained her wrist JUST as I was yelling at everyone "Don't wimp out in crow....DO IT!"

oops.

SO much for my celeb following. And on another note, what cracks me up living in LA is reading Yoga instructor bios. If your'e ever bored at work just go to any random LA yoga studio site and read the bios...WRITTEN by the teachers themselves btw. And you will find, 10 times out of 10, the words "Teaches classes around the world" (because they once showed their cousin a few poses in mexico)  "inspirational" and "CELEBRITY following." It's quite amusing. My MOST favorite though is when it's all "so and so has been practicing yoga since the age of 2..." Riiiiiighht.

But the REAL exciting news of the week is twofold. ONE...I figured out how to make Vegan Ranch Dressing!!!!! Life is complete. Must add this to my yoga bio. (and it tastes amazing, Bitches!) And TWO..

ANGRY. BIRDS. SHANGHAI EDITION.

'nuff said.

ps. Before you get all judgy, I just want to add that I spent countless brain cells and hours devising this vegan ranch recipe because if you BUY ranch mix it has "less than 2% buttermilk" which I would NOT have! SO I chopped up my own herbs and pepper and stuff and made my own....only to end up using it on regular cheese quesadillas. But hey...THE RANCH WAS VEGAN!!!

awwww...who needs a hug today?

My week has turned rather annoying. My brand new vacuum broke...AGAIN. And though this is about to sound very whitey elitist...I fear that it's not the vacuum but the housekeeper who has now broken my washing machine, vacuum...TWICE, expensive coffee grinder and almost the dryer.  And she doesn't speak english so I cant even yell at her.

See? Assholes need hugz too!

Dumb as They Come! or Do they have summer school for adults?

Really.

There are moments when I just have to shake my own head at myself for being the dumbest person I know. It's like, did I even GO to college?? Is this old age? Or genetic. I feel like I USED to be very smart. And then one day I woke up and was all "what's this stupid facebook thingie?"

This is how I felt the other day when my mom said "can you even believe this casey Anthony trial?"
and I said "really? there's a trial for exposing yourself on the internet? Did he get arrested for the whole twitter thing??"

My mom looked at me dumbfounded. "NO. CASEY Anthony. The woman who murdered her CHILD?!?!"

I hadn't even heard of this. But of course I said "oohhh! yah! Of course. I heard you wrong!"

LIE.

I just thought that people were calling The Anthony Weiner stuff "Casey Anthony" for some strange reason.

If that had been an exchange with a friend I would have admitted my stupidity. But admit to MY MOM??? that I'm dumber and more out of the loop that HER??

NEH. VER.

I blame Twitter wars and Hangin' with Friends and my new obsession with walking to audio books. Sure I've lost 40 lbs...but I don't even know who's running for President! I DO know however, that Ashton Kutcher stopped his war with Village Voice over sex trafficking and that Dooce is accused of being a poverty tourist and that the word "shovel" stumps people in hangin' every. single. time.

I really need to branch out  to something more mainstream media. Like the NEWS news. And no, not US weekly news. At LEAST People magazine.  At least!

Summa summa summa-time

I can't even BUH-lieve it's almost July!! I was in Nordstrom yesterday (everyday) and they had FALL STUFF out! Which thrills me to no end as that is my MOST favorite clothing season. I am SO getting these....

And when I say "getting these" what I mean is that I want these for my Birthday....soooooo.....

Also, I've been somewhat Vegan now for like a MONTH. Maybe even more. It's the gateway drug to this...

LUCKILY the fine people from Europe FINALLY brought these to the US....

Seriously. If you have not even had a Magnum bar then just don't start. Annnnnd I ate a whole box yesterday. Which isn't very vegan of me. When I have ever gone to another Country I GORGE on these. Obsessed. Which is good, because now that they're in the US, these alone will keep me from ever being 100% vegan and therefore I will remain hated by all Outback Drivers and Tom's shoes wearers. 

Subject changer...I also saw this at the grocery check-out yesterday...

And I thought, huh....I wonder if Italians are BEYOND insulted by this! Like, THIS is what Italy has to offer??? THIS is a gift of Italy?? 

Just typing all this made me hungry...gonna go eat more magnum bars make my vegan smoothie

One of THOSE People

Yah. I've done IT. Crossed over into Crazy Town aka Whole Foods Shopper. I'm a vegan now. Well. that's not entirely true. I'm a sometimes fair weathered vegan...MEANING if you are visiting me from out of town (OR down the block) we ARE going to cheesecake factory. 

But in my everyday life at home I am attempting to eliminate all animal products. Yes. Even cheese :(  (unless you're coming over for a wine and cheese party)(anyone? anyone?) And I'm only telling YOU guys this because my audience is judgy free! HA!

 AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

The PROBLEM with this lifestyle is that ONE...It means I have to go to Whole foods WAY more than ever. I try to limit it to once a week. And I am learning more and more about their uh, clientele, as it were. I haven't stumbled upon more busy body proselytizers  IN MY LIFE. And I've BEEN to Bible camp AND lived in Utah! I am not even kidding when I tell you that at LEAST once per trip SOMEone has come up to tell me about what product to buy....and we aren't talking about employees here. CUSTOMERS. I'll be looking at the ingredient list on something and sure enough I hear "Oh..have you TRIED that one yet? Because you have GOT to try the raw organic chia seeds...what you have there? those are just plain raw! Blyackkkk!"

The OTHER problem is that I get kinda spacey and light headed sometimes. I don't know if it's my body weeding out toxins OR screaming for a slab of Brie.

I consider myself blameless here. It's NOT MY FAULT! It all started with this stupid movie and then from that movie I read this stupid book. And now I am hooked. And people say media doesn't affect us! Please God...PLEASE...SOMEONE make a movie about the benefit of Oreos! 

This has surprisingly been pretty easy. I mean I was almost kinda sorta vegetarian before (except for that honey baked ham my brother made at easter) (the one I said I wouldn't touch)(and then ate half of it) (to his chagrin because there went the leftovers for ham sandwiches!) But yah. So. It HAS been easy and actually kinda fun. I know. 

You're shaking your head. 

Deleting me from your RSS feed.

I don't blame you. But just know that mommy and cheese still love each other and we will NEVER stop loving YOU.

procrastinators r us

Seriously. I am the worlds biggest procrastinator. I am procrastinating so hard that I'm BLOGGING! And this, AFTER I already tidied up the house, cleaned the counter tops (I don't clean) and took out the recycle bin! (I have never done this) I have lots to do....they just are THAT unappealing apparently that I refuse to do them. SO here I sit. Writing and watching Sex and the City reruns and playing Words with Friends and now even the new "Hanging with Friends" (hurry...GET THIS ONE so we can play!)

It's a good thing I own my new (non) business. Otherwise I'd SO be fired!

Pooped Friday

I am exhausted. NOT from all the spinning and walking and general exercise I've been doing the last few months. No. I am pooped because PEOPLE KEEP WEARING PATCHOULI TO SPIN CLASS!!! WHY???? That smell makes me want to die. Its worse than a fart. And it sucks my energy into its nasty vapors. I always try to find the culprit so I can yell at them or spit on them or SOMETHING like I would normally have done pre-personality rehab. But it makes me all dizzy and confused and I feel like PeeWee Herman when he lost his bike and was all wandering around thinking that EVERYONE stole it...

I'm not making sense am I? yah. It's the patchouli fumes. And all the workouts.

But all I have to say is...I've missed you guys SO much! That's the only reason I'm back here, bitching again. Because my life has been lonely and empty without all your funny banter and comments.  And who else will listen to my Fabio sightings and how I ate lunch RIGHT next to heidi montag last week?

Or how I walk by this sign everyday...

and up until just a few days ago thought it was saying "421 brunches for u" and I was all "wow! The banks are giving away brunches now? cool!"

Or look at gratuitous pics of the cutest baby niece ever...

or look at even more pics of the cutest DOG ever!

And WHO else would I share my underwear hoarding problem with??

(I counted 102 pairs....74 brand new) (I guess they didn't really cover this at personality rehab)

SO THANK GOD for you guys!

Is it time for cousin Oliver to go home?

My poor sad neglected blog....do I keep writing on this dinosaur or have we already jumped the shark??

Sorry. But this made me laugh too.

This is so freakin cute. It's been on the morning news all day. My dogs don't eat bubbles. Unless they're shaped like shoes.

apparently it's youtube week here at the YB

I actually laughed out loud in parts.

If this doesn't make your Monday WAY better I don't know what else will...

Tis the season....

I was just INNOCENTLY sipping my Starbucks, waiting for Spin class to start when these guys arrived! In LA it's Idol season, and not idol season. I have complained endlessly about the traffic I have to endure on their filming days. But today they were actually POSING for me...and TALKING to me. They were so adorable I wanted to pinch their cheeks. I told them it was nice to see that they weren't jaded yet. And the southern one goes "We'll NEVER be jaded!" Ah. youth.

(LOVE the disgusted look from the OTHER starbucks customer as I was being all stalkarazzi. Jealous much?")

I don't get starstruck much, but there was something crazy fun and exciting having all 9 idols 5 feet away from me taking and laughing. Their excitement was infectious. UNfortunately that excitement didn't last past the Spin class doors. If only I can get them to SPIN with me...well then I would be in GREAT shape!

It's all Business around here.

Been doing LOTS of business type research lately. HUGE amounts. You walk into my office and you're like "Warren Buffet? Bill gates? Donald Trump? Who's Office IS this?"

I am all about a serious and P-R-O-fessional work environment. If you'd like to start your own business too (IF you have the stamina, that is) then I found THIS site VERY helpful in terms of research analysis. Let me know what you think. I'm pretty sure you'll find yourself having JUST as productive a workday as I am! And if not, it's ok. Not EVERYONE can be a self-starter like me. It takes DISCIPLINE.

Casual Fridays...VERY casual.

NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS

SE HABLA ESPANOL

(not really)

Entrepreneurship is ROUGH

I meant to post yesterday. I really did. I had something all ready about religion or somesuch riveting topic. But here's the truth of it. I'm starting a small business. And let me tell you future business owners of the world, IT IS HARD WORK! No glam self starter here.

There is SO MUCH TO DO! And yesterday was overwhelming.

I had to PUT TOGETHER a file box.

For my business.

I THOUGHT when I bought this thing that it would like, snap together or something. But no. It had SCREWS! Which required a SCREWDRIVER. And someone who knows how to USE a screwdriver. Normally. I would give up on such a task. But no. I'm a business starter now. I have to get in the trenches here. Files Are NECESSARY for a business.

I mean SURE. I COULD have bought an UGLY file box that was all done and stuff. But no. I had to have THIS one, with the clear top so one could see my color coordinated folders and hangers! (Donald Trump says it's all about your business image. INDEED!) (I won't even TELL you how many deliberation hours it took me to choose the green/black/grey file folder combo)

I broke a sweat. My arms were sore. I couldn't figure out side A fitting into side C. I dropped the screws and hunted for them. I cursed and swore. DAMN you CONTAINER STORE! This was 20 bucks! I expect this DIY shit from IKEA for $2.50. NOT CONTAINER STORE for $20!!!! And so on.

Long story longer...6 hrs, 500 swear words, and one majorly scratched desk from said screws, LATER...

OPEN FOR BUSINESS

(I blame websites like hers for making people like me THINK they can just go be all handy and crafty and self-sufficient.)

(did you SEE the mirror she just like, MADE. ALL by herself?? With MORE than a screwdriver??)

New item on "to do" list?
1. HIRE ASSISTANT
2. Make file folder for "TO DO" lists
   a. use green file folder, with black file hanger
   b. see how the green folders match my green walls? Cute, huh!

I just can't can't WAIT to tell this cute story on Oprah. Sitting next to Warren Buffet. On her "Billionaire Business Owners" show.  I'll toss my head back and laugh "oh Oprah, can you believe that I started off in the trenches just like everyone else...that I once had to put together a file box??" Tossing head back laughing again..."ahhhahaah...sweet days, eh Op?"

I think I'll file this scene under the same file as "own a candy rack."
(In the grey folder)

post salon tuesday

Yes. I did spend the evening petting my hair. It will only be this nice and straight for MAYBE 2 days. I really wish it was more acceptable for someone my age to get bangs because HOLY FOREHEAD! But here in LA, if you suddenly show up with bangs everyone assumes you had a facelift. And I already have to triple quadruple check to make sure I'm not "too blonde" or "too long" for my age. Like SOME PEOPLE...

That's what my skype calls consist of. "You'll tell me if I start looking all OC housewife, right?" 

Also having my hair all straight and perfect trumps any kind of "working out" which would RUIN it. Sweat=nappy curl. SO, you know, that treadmill is OUT of the question....now! I was GONNA run 20 miles today, but no. Can't muss the hair. 

Apparently a week in the woods at 'emotional camp' did NOT in fact cure me of shallow vanity. huh.  Oh well! At least I'm HAPPY and shallow! 

Oh monday monday...

I really shouldn't complain. My big task for the day is my 11am hair appt. Beyond that I really can't say what I'll do. I have puh-lenty of work to get done, but sometimes after I get my hair did I like to just sit and pet it. Everyone does this, right?

Spring is problematic for me because I just want to travel and travel and shop and travel. New York in Spring! Paris in Spring! Shopping for adorable dresses in Spring!

BUT

I'm grounded. Citibank is my new "mom." Which means I need to get creative in my free time. sigh. so much for being an adult.

 My friend and I were talking the other day about how dumb we were when we were kids and we would fantasize about all the "freedom" we'd have as adults. My big fantasy was that when I was "grown up" and "rich" I would have an entire candy rack !IN MY HOUSE! filled aplenty with every different candy bar that I could choose whenever I wanted. THAT was the glory of adulthood!!

WHAT A LETDOWN man! I don't got no candy rack! WTF?

The American dream is DEAD my friends. DEAD!

See? CLEARLY I need a vacation!

I'm baaaaack. And New & Improved!

I was just in napa for 10 days. Vacation? Not so much. I basically went to emotional bootcamp. I know I know. Sounds TOTALLY lame. And I will never EVER divulge what we did there. Suffice it to say I am WAY nicer and WAY happier!

But don't you worry. I'm still a bitch. I'm just no longer a vindictive bitch.

Then I spent a couple of days with my sister who I never get to see enough of. It's so weird when I hang out with her because as different as we seem to be... HER=Hippie. ME=NOT....we are just SO.MUCH.ALIKE. For instance, when I completely ate it on her back porch, practically DYING, she couldn't even pretend to keep a straight face. Then later that night she goes out to her porch and I just hear her laughing and laughing and she comes back in all "I'm sorry...I just can't even look at where you fell without cracking up."

hmph.

She is just SO lucky that I had already been to emotional camp and I did NOT in fact kick her ass. However I may or may not continue to teach her 4 yr old how to swear. People with kids should NOT THROW STONES.

See how totally different and peaceful  I am?

God Bless
Namaste
Ommm
Love & light
World Peace

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

This is the only lovin' going on in MY house.  But, awwwwww. This ain't SO bad.

....I mean, Zac waiting underneath the covers above them wouldn't be SO bad either.

XOXO

Spring Bieber

One thing I love, probably the ONLY thing I love about LA is that Spring happens in February. This is my mom's tree in her backyard. It's like I arrived don friday and BAM! There it was....

That inspired me to "Spring clean" my house. And by clean, I mean organize stuff and make it pretty AFTER the housekeeper leaves. 

Those are the jars my half n half comes in. SO CUTE, right? Seriously I hope the afterlife includes rooms filled with shelves and shelves of adorable jars!

And since I was already in the throes of spring bieber....er, fever, I also went to the 3-d Justin Bieber Movie!! (insert teen screams) AND I went ON the paramount lot because, I KNOW PEOPLE.

It was nice to see the privileged offspring tweeners of Hollywood's elite power players gushing and gasping over the biebs. Justing Bieber is the great equal opportunity for all girl stalkers around the world!

I gotta say. I'm a belieber. The movie rocked. Made me wish I was a tweener NOW. All we had when I was that age was Ralph Macchio and the two Cory's. Barf.  Go see that movie! Baby Baby Baby ohhhhhh....

Maggie's a Belieber....

You know. No matter what ANYone says....People who live in LA ALL want to make it big somehow. Well, Maggie has now had her big break! I'm nt gonna say if there was any "on set" romance, but let's let the screen chemistry speak for itself.

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

DDD-Day

I've decided this is going to be my new symbol for when companies/idiots totally do bad things. Like instead of WWJD?  It's just plain DDD.

LIKE The Washing machine delivery dude. WHO arrived 35 mins late after a SIX HOUR TIME FRAME.  With no apology to boot.

Because he was so late, I had taken the dogs out front for a mini-wee. I tell him the front door is open and to go ahead and start taking the old one out. He comes hopping out like 5 seconds later and says "you have a leak in your faucets and I am not allowed to install by the order of the Presdiency and Hogwarts."

I was all "WHAT?! There is NO leak in the faucets!"

And AS HE'S walking back to his truck he hand signals his partner to put the new machine back in, he says "yes there is and we can NOT install if there is even ANY leak. You'll have to call and re-schedule"

And I was all "HAY-ELL NO! WAIT!"

I run over to his truck like a wife pleading for her abusive husband to stay, and all desperate I go "NO! Wait! NO! You can NOT LEAVE! I have to have this machine!!! NO! THERE IS NO LEAK!!!"

And all calmly (SO like a man!!) he's all "Nope. Gotta reschedule."

And I just look at him and go "Why are you being such an asshole??"

And then he goes..." well I for SURE am not leaving the machine now!!" (which, he never WAS gonna leave it. I have played this tactic MANY times in my youth....Like when my brother was mean to me and I was all 'I  was GONNA GIVE YOU ALL MY CANDY, but NOW I'm not!')

And he drives away with my brand new washer. After I had waited ALL day. In dirty clothes.

I really had to resist the urge to run down the street and block his truck. But it was a BIG truck. And I still had the dogs. There is a certain brand of crazy that I will NOT exhibit in front of them.

I was so angry I almost melted into the cement on the spot a la our favorite wicked witch of the west.

I looked down at the dogs and Mick was totally ashamed for me.  His eyes were all "have some RESPECT for yourself woman!"

I waited until I was all alone in my car on the way to teach a class (poor suckers) to call and scream at the company. Without the disapproving glares of my dog.

The HAPPY end of the story is that when they came again,  it was a new delivery guy who was all "there are no leaks here! That other guy who delivered this was an ASSHOLE!"

YES !!! YES!!!! VINDICATION!

I gave him a $20 tip.

Nobody puts Baby in the Corner! NOBOBY!

I had to shut the dogs in my room for a whole two minutes yesterday when the washing machine delivery guys were here. I almost didn't even wanna open it again cuz those feet cracked me up.

This is SO representative of how I feel when I get to the See's Candy store and it's closed.

Beverly Hills Housewives Reunion Re-Cap

I was gonna recap this for you all in SOME way. But Oh did I find a good site. And I could never top it! So, run along and enjoy...And tune in tonight for part TWO!!! Can't WAIT!

HOUSEWIVES RECAP

Buddy-Bot!....Don't forget about the chickens!

I am obsessed with this "children's" music. OBSESSED. My brother turned me on to Buddy-Bot last weekend. (He's good for something) If you have kids, or in my case, you DON'T, you have GOT to buy the album. Your kids will be obsessed too. Let me just say that I was listening to this ALL DAY in the car. My fav's are Old MacDonald, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Love you more.  But here's Buddy-Bot's break out first video.

PS. Pay attention to his fancy footwork here. I gotta get back to my hip hop classes for sure!

Hello Asshole!

Oh Appliances, how I hate thee so.

Listen. I'll break it down for you. They came to deliver the washing machine yesterday. I was given a window of 10-4. Really?? WHO has that kind of time?

They arrive at 4:35. Really? couldn't make that SIX HOUR WINDOW?

Welll, one thing leads to another and I called the guy an asshole and he left.

WITH MY WASHING MACHINE

And JUST when I was envisioning setting fire to Best Buy, a wee savior appliance arrived to redeem the appliances of the world.

The Hello Kitty Humidifier!

I had ordered it days before. I've been waking up with drool all over my face because it's so dry I apparently can't breathe at night. Is this the cutest thing EVER or what? And...IT GLOWS PINK in the dark! 

HEART.

Now, if they could only make a Hello Kitty Washing Machine the world would be a better, happier place. 

Wait....I bet they do....

HA! Oh man. This kills me. You gotta love the Japanese and their undying dedication to all things Kitty.

At any rate I am basking in the glow of the ONE appliance that makes me happy. Even if I am still sleeping on dirty sheets.

Maybe they should make Hello Kitty Anger Management Classes.

Wait....

Is this why you're supposed to get married? SO your Husband has to deal with this crap?

I had to buy a new washing machine yesterday. Because my 3 yr old VERY EXPENSIVE TOP OF THE LINE washing machine broke. BROKE. Just All up and BROKE. After THREE years! Grrrrr.

I realize there are bigger problems in the universe but WHY ME???? Seriously. I don't know if I'll ever get used to wasting my money on stupid stuff like Appliances. Appliances for washing stuff.  UGH! It's not fair! What did I do to deserve having to buy a new washing machine!!?? Is this like, karma for all those taco bell burritos I stole from the student union when I was in college?

I don't know why it hurts...physically HURTS to hand over the credit card for those purchases. Last spring I spent more than that on one pair of shoes NO PROBLEM. In fact. It was EXCITING to come home with those shoes. But a Washing Machine?? FML.

I was so distraught after that purchase I went straight across the parking lot to Costco and spent a bunch of money on total crap. As one does at costco. I mean yah. Who DOESN'T need a box of TWENTY FOUR protein bars? And TWELVE new pairs of socks.  And TWO QUARTS of lobster bisque. (one should always eat lunch BEFORE going in there)

Then, since I was already on a spending spiral I finished the day off with the "piece de resistance"...the ultimate wasteland....Target.  Needless to say My new washing machine that gets delivered today will have ADORABLE matching polka dot bins to store the detergent.*

*which I forgot to buy.**


**of course***


***God forbid I buy things I actually NEED at Target or Costco.

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens...

...Peanut Butter Cheesecake and couches for sittin'.

Isn't that how that song goes?

Well, it's how it goes in MY book. And exactly what I did this weekend. Had a Glorious WELL DESERVED vacation in Carlsbad/San Diego. I found there were a LOT LESS idiots there. And crystal clear blue skies! And beautiful ocean views! And the people who worked at Starbucks were actually super nice.  Who knew?

I got to hang out with my adorable little brother who is expecting his first baby in a few weeks. His Wife is one of those irritating pregger women who, if you look at them straight on, or from behind, YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL THEY'RE PREGNANT.  And she's due in like 5 weeks. Life is bitterly not fair. I mean. I haven't BEEN preggo, but I know I just KNOW that people will start asking me when I'm due about 1 week in. Hell, I get asked that after a big salad.

I also got to meet up with some of my "fans." Can I just say that an evening of pure laughter+aforementioned cheesecake=1,000mg of prozac. Believe me. I know. Makes me wish I just had a life of pure vacation. 24/7.  Where I could travel around hanging with crazy fun people (that's crazy-fun, not crazy, fun) from all over. And eat cheesecake.

sigh.

They didn't have a major for that in college.  I majored in English and French. Which has made me into the corporate billionaire that I am today.

FaceStalker

I feel as if I should let it be known that I am ticking away the hours until the season finale of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills tonight. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

Okay. That's off my chest. NOW....Lets get to The Devil's online lair...Facebook. Though I LOVE if I don't have someone's email I can just pop over there to send them a message, I am about to ram a fork in the eye of the next person who sends out Group emails where they have it set up so that EVERYONE ON THE EMAIL RESPONDS TO YOU. And I don't even know how to make it stop! Is this a new feature?

And to top it off I get an email sent to me every single time someone I am not even friends with sends a response to the original sender AND a pop up on my Phone saying that "anna has sent YOU a message!" when in fact anna, whom I don't know and will never know, has sent a message to my original soon to be ex-friend.

And since I wasn't the original sender I can't even stop it. It's like having an annoying neighbor pop into your window every 5 seconds.

And their cousin.

And their husband.

And their co workers.

And their inlaws.

I also hate how if you comment on someone's picture or whatever that you get an email every single time SOMEONE ELSE comments on said item. WHY? WHY IS THIS NECESSARY???

Also if someone writes stuff on your wall you should have to APPROVE IT before it actually makes it on there. DITTO on picture tagging! (ESPECIALLY on picture tagging)

People keep asking for a "dislike" button. I am asking for "like" "dislike" and "Deep Seated Hatred"

I REALLY wish companies would consult me on such matters. I wish there were a government job title called like, GRAND CONSULTANT TO EVERYTHING. Cuz I SO woulda majored in that. I woulda been class Valedictorian! Magna Cum Blah Blah! At the VERY least I would have officially graduated!

Also I would make it so the Housewives were on every.single.day.

LIKE!

THANK GOD I'm not teaching today!

It's a full moon. I'm payin' my monthly bill. And I just got my DMV car registration renewal in the mail...which I FEEL like I JUST paid...and it WENT UP. AGAIN. $465!!!!!  Of this, there's a $20 non-smog fee....because my car is new enough that I don't have to pay for a smog test...they charge me for that. nice. LOVE broke ass california. LOVE.

I've also not been sleeping cuz it's so damn dry in this draught desert state. And I've just lost like 4 'Words with Friends' games.

Who wants to mess with me right now? WHO?

Shouldn't we (and by "we" I mean "I") get presents for days like today?

YES! YES WE (I) SHOULD!

ONE TWO THREE FOUR ONE TWO THREE FOUR....wow. I haven't uh, COUNTED in a while!

Apparently the only thing that gets me to my blog these days, as inspiration, are youtube videos. It's sad. It's true. I wish youtube videos would ALSO inspire me to, say, do taxes or run around on a treadmill. Now THAT would make youtube useful. Anyhoo...I about peed my pants on this one. Minute 1:06 had me in tears.

All I can say is that I got a Kindle for Christmas and I then downloaded all three Steig Larrson books and I JUST finished the last one yesterday and can now come back to my normal blog stalking/shopping life. If you have not read these I COULDN'T PUT THEM DOWN. And OH! The Kindle! How I love thee instant gratification ways!

Oh, and also noteworthy...BARB, of BIG LOVE BARB! came to my class last sunday. I about DIED because I taught the entire sunday AM class and didn't know it was her and then she comes up to me after class to ask me all these questions and it took me a few seconds to recognize her and then I wasn't even all  HOLY *COUNT* (see below video) it's Jeane Triplehorn! I was all HOLY *COUNT* it's BARB! BARB is talking to me! I'm talking to BARB! The more she talked the lamer I became. I think I even stuttered. BARB!

K. That is all.

Well, It's SOMETHING

Don't even watch this video unless you have the "Angry Birds" app on iphone and play it A LOT.  Sorry to be so elitist here, but this made me LOL. For real.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

You know you've partied like it's 1999 when you end up passed out watching the Twilight Zone marathon. 

 

And I will leave you with this direct quote FROM a Twilight Zone episode last night where a little boy was maybe about to die and THIS is what his dad prays for...

"Please let him live!  He's just a 5 yr old boy! He's never even experienced what it's like ot go to school. He's never had a girlfriend. He's never worn long pants!..."

So, my blogger friends, make sure you make EVERY SINGLE DAY of this blessed new year count! And for the love of God....wear some long pants before it's too late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!