Wednesday, November 19, 2008

airport feast..

I'm at the airport eating a BK whopper with cheese. It's pretty gross. I know they CAN be good, but this particular $9 one isn't.

ALSO? This just happened.

ME: (SOOOOOO pleaseant) HI! I'm going to New Zealand on the 7:30 flight!

LADY: Blah Blah blah...passport...blah...gate #22..blah blah blah...checked bags...blah....SEAT 37B

ME: WHAT? is that like, there's TWO seats and one is A and the other is B.

LADY: nnnnnnnnnnnnO. B is the middle seat and there are NO OTHER seats.

ME: but it's, it's EMPTY in here. There's not even line. Are you sure???

LADY: mmmmmmm hmmmmmmm.

ME: well, well, what about an upgrade! can I upgrade to like business or something.

LADY: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....searching searching.....YES! there is a business seat available.............window!.........First row!

ME: YAY! perfect!

LADY: it's $7,800 extra.

Could she MAYBE have mentioned that first? I swear, airline check-in people didn't qualify for meter maid jobs, cuz they prob had domestic violence records and/or didn't pass the psychological test under the category of "perverse pleasure in pain" and this was the next best thing.

sigh. I brought ambien and all...but MIDDLE SEAT?? where am I supposed to put my head? I haven't flown in a middle seat, since like freshman year of college when I was poor and late to the southwest counter and got placard # Z99.

I have worked toooo hard to sit in middle seat in middle class dammit! I better bust out the charm on the gate lady and see what i can do and if that doesn't work I'll just accidentally on purpose let my psychiatric med bottles drop on the counter and start my fake shoulder/eye/neck twitch.

wish me luck!!

4 comments:

Kristina P. said...

New Zealand?!?!? Why the hell didn't you take me? You better still be able to blog from there.

Wendyburd1 said...

Aghh! You are off to New Zealand!! I am 1/4 N.Z.!!! Waahhhhh I wanna go! I saw this thing in SkyMall that supposedly cradles you even if you have a crappy seat so you can be comfy and sleep...they should send that catalog out BEFORE you fly though, LOL!!

dede said...

I would take a middle seat to be going somewhere fun - I will probably have to settle for the whopper with cheese! Hope you don't have to sit by one of those smelly backpackers! Have a good time!!

Rychelle said...

i got placard #Z99 once. i had to sit in the last row, middle. between two disinterested men. while i puked my guts out. good times.
i hope you're wearing those spatula pants. those will get you bumped up to first class fo' sho'.