Tuesday, November 11, 2008


yay me! I got to go meet the woman I plagiarize regularly!! Well, I only steal her youtube stuff from time to time. What? it's a COMPLIMENT to her, that she's so good! And I am SURE that if she ever stumbles on this site that she would full on steal stuff from me. Like that David hasslehoff pick. she would SO steal that. I like to call it "community sharing"

AWESOME pic right? iphone. Isn't the iphone AWESOMEI I didn't even THINK to bring an actual camera, well, cuz I don't do stuff like that..take pics with celebrities, because it ruins the image that I have of being above that sort of behavior. I prefer stalking.

Anyway, it was really weird for a meet and greet, cuz we had to stand in line to meet her and there were TWO big giant clunky cameras, AND one of those big fluffy microphone things that they hold on a pole RIGHT over your forehead. I felt weird, Like was I supposed to say something clever and witty? uh no. I am NOT clever and witty in person! My life is VERY compartmentalized.



REGULAR LIFE=LAZY, APATHETIC, IMPATIENT, EXTRA MEAN, SURLY, LOYAL, KICK ASS COOK! BEST DOG OWNER IN THE WORLD, PIOUS about my Lexus Hybrid....what? YOU don't have a hybrid? Well, I'm just doing my part guys, just doing my part for the planet, ALOOF (don't act like you know me) CAFFEINATED, MEDICATED, SHALLOW, ELITIST, MATERIALISTIC, CRAFTY, GENEROUS, and I LISTEN WELL. Because I LOVE giving advice and butting in and pulling out my yoga sage wisdom. It's a gift AND a curse!

So anyway...I just stood there. Gave her a chocolate chip cookie from the place here that has THE BEST choc chip cookies and was all "hi." She is like, so insanely nice and sweet and funny and welcoming and everything you'd expect from her. I mean you never know. I once dated this guy who I met online and we had written emails for about a week and he was so funny I would be crying laughing. And then in person he said NOTHING. And he was cheap. SO, you just never know.

I didn't know what to say cuz it's either all or nothing...I either sit my ass down and tell her about my two dogs and my life in utah and does she go to banbury cross donuts too!? and go over every single post of hers that made me laugh/cry...or i stand there, mute, with a cookie.

Oh, and THEN her husband John asks where we're from, and the two girls next to me chimed in that they drove ALL THE WAY FROM VENTURA....blah blah. And then he turned to me and was all "did you come from ventura also?" Nooooo, "I live down the street." I shoulda been all..."No. I'm from Bakersfield. and I biked all the way here. just to meet you. it was no big. you're worth it." and then cue pious smile and condescending glance at the "ventura" chicks.

I can never think of that shit on the fly. it's a character flaw.

I left feeling excited cuz she's so awesome. And dejected cuz she's not my bestie, and I'm not nice like her. I drove off to teach class thinking "could I maybe try being nice and gracious?" And then quickly, "no. sigh. I've tried that one trick pony before. it doesn't work on me. When I try to be nice my friends laugh at me and ask what's wrong or if I just took an adderall"

But it was just a fleeting thought. I am totally fine with being mean ole crusty me. I mean, If I had a meet and greet, would you expect anything less? Anyhoo, it's genetic. can't be escaped. And if you're a nature/nurture defender...It is both nature AND nurture for me. My gene pool is more like a cess pool, and my family that raised me has NEVER been described as "nice. sweet. or kind" SO, I'm fine with it. I heart me.

But still, there is that twinge of envy when I meet someone like her. But, like a gorgeous expensive Stella McCartney Bag, I can just admire her from afar, know that though I'll never have that, I can appreciate it!


Kristina P. said...

You are too funny!

I read Dooce from time to time. I can't read her in large doses, to be honest, and I would never want to have her life.

peewee said...

I just want YOUR life Kristina. Except for the "going to work" part.

Rychelle said...

how fun!

i read that she was doing a meet n greet, and wished i could be there.